easier running

I'm running easier now. I've finally accepted that yes, my asthma slows me down. I have 20 minutes of not breathing freely, then it -- usually -- clears. It'll get better, I think.

Now -- finally -- I use the asthma puffer *before* a run. I can breathe easily -- right from the start. Running is noticeably easier.

Live and learn, eh? Never to late to learn :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

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"No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery"

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

An old dizzy friend

An old friend is back... dizziness. you know how it feels when you've been spinning and spinning and spinning. You stop. You stand up. You feel as though you are still spinning. You can't stand straight.

It's an inner ear thing. I get it from sitting still too long. Crystals settle amongst hairs, I can no longer tell when I am standing straight, I stagger. Quite fun as long as I have a wall to brace myself against :-)

It's nothing to do with cancer. As far as I can tell. Just a life which includes too much sitting still.

During the night I have a few interesting trips to the toilet. Now it's early morning, the dizziness is mostly gone. So I'll read a bit before breakfast... sitting still again... Dang! Oh well, that's life... Relaxed with occasional dizzy spells.

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===

There are no disasters, only opportunities. And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters... Boris Johnson
   

Up and down. And up

Regular readers of my blog mat have noticed, a couple of posts back, that I was upset. No apologies, I was upset. This blog is mine, it helps me let off steam, get over things. It's for me. I like it that other people read it. Feel free to skim.

I was upset. Annoyed. Nothing new there. There was a Telstra shop where it's possible that my face was displayed on a Not Wanted poster. I am -- certainly for this week -- a bit closer to the angry edge than usual.

And now... stepping back :-)

===

This morning Deb and I are out running. An easy run, forty minutes steady training run. Very pleasant, nice weather, in Bold Park. I cover a little more distance than Deb... as I should :-)

After my lunch -- Deb is out to lunch with a friend -- I'm lying down, asleep. There's a shower of rain... so heavy, so loud -- it wakes me up. The forecast is for storms, all night.

Later. Deb is home again. I'm fiddling round... not quite sure what to do. I'm waiting on a response from possible app developers, I'd like a response so I can get it started, or not. I'm starting to get a bit annoyed...

I go for a run. Round the lake. Eight km, an hour and ten, feeling good, a bit faster than a week ago. The rain holds off.

I'm feeling a lot better. Tired, though :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery"

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

scan done

Okay, once I accept that uber wants me to live next door, it's fine. By uber to the shops, get a haircut. Short all over, so the next surgeon's shaving doesn't stand out too much. (As if! My hair is already both thin -- and patchy.

It's a beautiful day -- I walk home. It's a couple of km and the walk fills in -- very pleasantly -- the wait for the next outing. Also, I can make my own lunch at home.

I take another uber -- no fuss this time -- to the scanner. Plenty of time. Less than an hour and I'm heading home again.

As far as I understand it this scan shows the surgeon where to surge. As far as I guess it, he doesn't look at my brain while operating, just the picture. I hope I remembered to smile.

There's a bus stop, I wait. I'm having a lot of trouble working out whether there's a bus on its way, or just left. I have trouble telling 4:10 from 14:10 -- that dratted 1 to the left ! I've almost sorted it out when a bus arrives.

All aboard... Just me and 3 or 4 other passengers. Plus a chauffeur who doesn't try to make friendly conversation. Brilliant -- a relaxing, comfortable and exceedingly pleasant ride :-)

I get off at the last shops before home, to buy some groceries. Plus an iced coffee. Plus some very sweet treats... I'm feeling better already :-)

I'm all prepared: wearing my hiking shoes, carrying a backpack. I load up and walk the km or so to home.

Phew!

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery"

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

uber needs work

Today there are two places I need to be. One is very important. I can't drive. No worries, I'll use uber. 

Okay, I'm stressed. The second place is for an MRI scan, I can't be late. No worries, there's uber. If not uber, then... well bugger-all practical options. Just to be safe I will pre-book an uber.

Let me get this off my chest:

Fucking uber.

I pre-book. Set a time. I want to be picked up from... for some reason uber suggests #4. Next door. I would rather be picked up from home.

I type in the pick-up address: #6. Okay, says uber... we'll pick you up from #4. What? Fuck! No! number six. You know, number six. As shown on my google maps display. As shown on your own fucking uber map.

I try again. NUMBER SIX. WHERE I AM. HOME. Okay, responds uber. Number four.

Well fuck me. And fuck uber twice as much.

I'll just stand in the fucking driveway -- when I'm ready to travel -- and call for an instant ride. The driver can fucking look for me.

I'll get to the second appointment -- the MRI -- as early as possible. I still need to use fucking uber. Just to get there at all. So I'll get there hours early. Just to be sure that I can get there at all. I mean, wtf is uber playing at?

From now on, the day has to get better.

Okay, I'm in a foul mood. But I mean, fucking uber :-(

And I feel a bit better for getting that off my mind.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery"

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

O well of course

I'm very pleased to finally understand why the surgeon is keen to say, the surgery will not *fix* your vision. I blog it to be sure that I'm clear in my own mind. I explain it to Deb, Oh, yes, I know that, she says. Of course :-)

We go orienteering at Whiteman Park. It's nice country, mostly open but with a complex lot of tracks and roads and fences.

I navigate. Deb follows... only making comments when I am going too far off course.

It... is... quite a challenge :-)

I can't see to the left.

Walking to the start we pass a toilet block. I'll go to the MEN's I say. That's the WOMEN'S says Deb. When I look more carefully... yes, there is indeed a WO on the sign... to the left. Oops.

On the course, I navigate. Very very slowly. Stopping regularly to examine the map. No way I can look at the map *and* move between controls. It's all stop-start.

I can't see much to the left, neither map nor country. The obvious thing is to turn my head to the left, to get a better view... from my right eye... Wrong! *Both* eyes have lost vision to the left.

I have to turn my head -- or my whole body -- so that I am looking to the right... to see what is on my left.

I "know" all that. Attempting to orienteer makes me really understand how annoying it is. Or how "challenging" :-)

Once I accept the difficulties... and learn to keep my focus, keep my attention on what I am doing -- it is a lot of fun. Pleasant bush. Good company. Beautiful weather.

I also kept my temper. Even enjoy myself. So Deb, too, has a very pleasant morning.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery"

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

Now I Understand

The surgeon is keen to let us know, whatever he does inside my brain -- it will not fix my vision. We don't expect it to. We wonder why he is so keen to tell us.

Suddenly it is all clear...

The explanation comes to me in the toilet. That's where I get a lot of my best ideas. The explanation is in what he intends to do in my head.

First the craniotomy. Then the resection. The resected(?) brain will then be analysed to see what it is. Necrosis or tumour.

Resection: "the medical term for surgically removing part or all of a tissue, structure, or organ."

I understood this to mean that he will resection, analyse, then decide whether or not a tumour needs to be surgically removed. Wrong...

Here's my new understanding:

While my head is open the surgeon will remove -- okay -- resection -- as much of the suspicious area as possible. All that stuff which shows on the MRI as being, "not nice brain". It will all -- or as much as possible -- come out. End of surgery.

What comes out will be analysed. What it is will guide any next steps: radiation, chemo, mystic herbs and unguents? Knowing what is there now will allow the cancer experts to decide what to do next.

But "all" of the suspicious-on-the-MRI stuff will be gone. Necrosis or tumour, gone. No more (till it grows again), no more need for surgery. That's something to glad about :-)

===

So why will this not fix my vision?

I have a diagram of a brain showing the various locations where damage will affect vision. It's the visual area, with spots labelled as A, B, C and so on. By a fortunate chance my  homonymous hemianopia  (I had to look that up again) is caused by damage to the G-Spot. Woohoo! I never realised I even could have a G-spot ... rofl and :-)  Anyway.

There is damage in my brain. Either necrosis or tumour. Let's dilute the optimism and, for simplicity, call it tumour. (See how many words it takes me to get to simplicity :-)

There is a tumour in my brain. It has caused swelling. That swelling has played on my G-Spot (ha:-) causing problems with my vision.

A week of dex has reduced the swelling. Therefore my vision has improved. But:

The tumour itself has damaged the G-Spot. Remove the tumour -- and that tumour-caused damage is still there. Nothing will fix that damage. (The brain does not (I think?) grow back. That damage is permanent, it will always affect my vision.

The tumour could grow. It will regrow. If it grows in the same area it will cause more damage. More loss of left peripheral vision. If it grows into a different area it will cause different damage, different symptoms.

The existing damage -- the existing "improved" loss of vision -- is permanent. Surgery will not fix it. Neither will radiation nor chemo (nor marijuana!).

The surgery is not a cure (I knew that). It's not even a fix, that is what the surgeon wants to make clear. Surgery is just another delaying tactic.

Now I think it's clear.

===

A delaying tactic. When the tumour grows back it could be anywhere. Most likely is, it will return close by, or at a point which is physically connected to the current tumour. (The cancer cells will drift like seeds through the physical passages in my brain.)

So the next tumour is likely to be nearby. In the vision-processing areas of my brain. As long as my tumours are slow-growing and in the visual area -- and as long as I don't start driving again -- the next tumour is unlikely to be immediately fatal.

And that is something to be glad about :-)

===

I had to rewrite that entire last paragraph. Just so that it lead naturally to the glad line. I'm still a Pollyanna :-)

===

The brain does not regrow. One part of the brain may take on the role of another, damaged part. That would be nice :-)

Failing automatic brain reprogramming, I adapt. I try to be more conscious of what is around me. I carefully watch to my left. And I constantly turn my head from left to right, watching, back, left again... And I remind myself to be very careful crossing roads.

When natural selection is too slow, try conscious adaptation.

===

"The proper study of mankind is man." I practise that.

There is always one person available to be closely studied: me. I do that.

And now I have an unusual case to study. My own special case, with insights which are available only to me. I blog to make me feel better. I blog to clarify, for myself, what is happening.

I'm not really glad that it's happening. But it really is a fascinating experience. With me at the very centre. Taking full advantage of the opportunity. With no need to limit my fast-growing word count :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery"

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)