meltdown

We are shopping. Me as usual pushing the trolley. Near the checkout I tell Deb, I'll see you outside.Because I can't stand being with the people in the shop. I leave Deb to checkout and pay.

I stay quiet on the drive home. unhappy thoughts churning.

Home for lunch. Misery hits me. I cry. Deb looks after me.

I like to think that I'm coping well. On the surface, anyway. Sometimes I don't cope at all. now, for example, I'm cursing the stupid swype keyboard. it fucks with the words i try to type.

i suppose i could move to the pc. with a proper keyboard. thats at the centre of my problem.

everything i do towards my app, i do on the pc. if i go near the pc i think about my app. and tnat makes me miserable.

deb calls the app my hobby. i tell her its not a hobby. its an obsession.

there are aeveral things i should be doing before i die. some ive started. others ive given up on, no interest.

the app is the one thing that i really really would like to finish.

a few years ago i reached my coding skill limits, decided i should bite the bullet. pay professionals.

is it just me? or are the professionals all dickheads who have no skills beyond selling.

i look again at the response from the latest morons. it seems that they cant even read. fucking morons.

so i think that i shall define my app as clearly as possible. pick away at it. adding detail.

but really. i just cant be fucking bothered. first, im the only person who wants the app. i long ago gave up trying to convince people to look at an idea that they did not think of first. the only way i could push my idea is to show a working app... okay probably would not convince idiots but at least id be happy.

now ive given up hope of ever getting a working app.fucking morons want to sell the same shit that they sold to the last sucker. too hard to do something different.

okay, perhaps im being hard on the idiots.perhaps they were too busy to read what i wrote. fucking morons. too far up themselves to ask me what i meant. what exactly i was asking for.

well, its been sitting in my mind for weeks now. i may be way off the beam. i just dont fucking care.  this latest lot of paid monkeys is never going to code my app. they are a waste of time.

believe it or not. that is why i am miserable. why i went into meltdown. because ive given up hoping that my app will ever be written.

oh well. more time available for going for a run.

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i post to this blog. get things off my chest. stop worrying about whatever it is.write it down. clear my mind. feel better.

not working today.

id better sleep on it.

rede oft is found at break of day :-)

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
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As Conan says: What does not kill you
does not kill you