Christmas Day 2022

Christmas Day. I'm in a right mood. Not a good mood.

My app is at a difficult stage. It's working, quite well, as far as I can tell. There are some tidy-ups to be done. Even without them, the app is ready to be added to the generally available app libraries. Which brings a new problem:

I need to do something with it.

I need to get out. Talk to people. Get it tested by other people... but mainly I need to convince people to use it :-) Not something I enjoy. My attitude is: I like it therefore it's good so people should want to use it...

What I expect is: no, not interested, why don't we use something else... I'm defeated before I even start :-) I need to get out and "sell" it. Something I hate.

This puts me in a bad mood.

I want to talk about my app. Discuss it. Brag about it. I don't like to hog the conversation. Instead, I'm in a right mood.

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Worse: it's Christmas Day, the family gathers, I don't feel comfortable at the thought.

Oh and I don't enjoy eating with others: my depth vision is suspect, I worry that I'll knock things over, I know that I will spill food on the table.

Still. I'm looking forward to the day. And looking forward to it being over :-)

The morning is good. It's the immediate family. The big ones ignore me (except for some betting, Will I return to eat dinner? The little ones have a great time. Unwrapping, playing, swimming. One asks, where's Grandad? Yep, For most of the morning I hide upstairs. I enjoy the sounds of fun, I am more comfortable by myself.

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I eat some of the food. Stuff I can identify, eat easily.

I avoid the prawns: too difficult and I can't stand the way they make my hands stink for the rest of the day. Still... I eventually think, I'll try a few, the cocktail sauce is special this year. I look for the prawns, they are packed away. I look for the sauce, Deb has cleared it away, thrown it out. Oh well. That's the penalty I pay for wanting to eat very slowly.

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Evening, we descend on the in-laws. At the best of times I have very little to say to any of them. I listen, leave the conversation to others. This year I have to guess who's who, no-one's face looks familiar. No worries, I know who should be there, I guess identities by broad visual clues (mostly size, gender and how they introduce themselves. The kids (nephews? nieces?-- I have no idea of names, that's okay, I never talk to them anyway.

I sit next to Deb. Which means that the two people I would normally talk to are on my left, my blind side, they may as well not be there.

Deb gives me some cheese and crackers, other than that I can't be bothered working out what there is to eat, so I don't.

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I would really like to leave. To walk out, to walk home, it's a beautiful evening, a few hours' walk, even busy roads would be relaxing -- more peaceful.

So why don't I leave? I stay because I expect that I could not work out how to open a strange but secure front door.

Finally, we go home. I'm absolutely exhausted. I sit down... and fall asleep before I can stand up to go to bed.

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I wonder, when did I lose all my social skills. Or... did I ever have any. I have never enjoyed mixing with people. Now I've added a dislike of eating in company.

By keeping to myself, I enjoy the day. Now it's over. And that's something to be glad about :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

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"Yesterday I knew nothing. Today I know that." ... per Ginger Meggs

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)