symptom search

I worry about possible "symptoms".

Scans show that something is growing on my brain. Probably a tumour. Can't be sure without opening my skull to look. So I wait until the tumour causes a problem, ie if I show symptoms -- then we worry. Which makes sense especially since, so far, there are no symptoms.

The brain is complex, cancer is unpredictable, we can't predict what symptoms may occur.

So far there is nothing, so I should be happy. Except... I find that I worry about the... possibility of something going bad.

I think I'll list possible symptoms:

... The tumour is in a visual part of my brain so I may lose more sight. That's minor, I'll buy a bigger white stick and learn to enjoy audio books (pity I'm also getting deafer!)

... Headaches. Yes, I get twinges, it seems to be eye strain from reading, having to adapt to not seeing the left of words and sentences. Okay, headaches are not a current worry.

... Stroke symptoms. The cancer doc finally suggested that tumour damage could be like a stroke. My tumour is on the right, so the left side of my body would be affected.

With apologies and sympathy for my friends who have had a stroke: this barely worries me. It would take (I guess) a massive growth of the tumour. And there are standard physical signs of a stroke (if you suspect it). I occasionally lift my arms and make sure that they both lift to the same height.

... I could repeat my original symptom: collapse with a fit. I'm careful to carry my phone so that Deb can find me if I fall over. Or find my phone, anyway :-)

The phone tracking uses GoogleMaps on Apple phone... it sometimes fails to track. So I am careful: if Deb is at work I send an email if I go for a run. And another when I safely return.

The tracking is to reassure Deb. I also reassure her that if I collapse, I'm doing something that I enjoy.

For me: I find that I worry less about possible problems and more about the uncertainty.

And I try to live life as I would without the uncertainty. With good days and... better days :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

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We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later... Louis Aragon

..Dying for you to Read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com