A. may. zing.

It's amazing how cheerful I am :-) All it takes to cheer me up is... a lot of effort by other people...

A week or two back, the internet goes down. Days later, it works again. Except that it doesn't. The nbn has failed so the modem switches to a backup system. Everything appears to be working normally. Except for World of Warcraft which does not work at all.

I re-cable according to a Telstra diagram, it doesn't help. I put it back as it was. The internet is now dead again. Completely. I lock myself in the bedroom with a good book.

Meanwhile... Deb has been putting up with me and the kids have been working on fixing the problem. I blame Deb for how nice our kids are.

The problem is solved, bypassed. A Telstra technician will be by to fix the basic problem, a faulty nbn modem. A huge weight is lifted. I play WoW for many hours...

The feeling of helplessness just... vanishes. I had the feeling that the world is too complicated, when things go wrong there is nothing I can do, my ability to enjoy life is subject to the random whim of enormous faceless bureaucracies with neither interest in nor ability to support individual needs.

The kids prove that individuals can navigate the complexity and solve individual problems. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

As suddenly as flicking a switch -- I am cheerful again. Ready to play WoW, ready to code an app, ready to ... sit happily and wait for a Telstra tech to fix the final problem.

I do worry at how close to the surface there is a store of misery and anger. But, well, I've always been like that. I can be a real moody bugger. Cross me at your peril...

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===
"Are you one of those people who think wallowing in unhappiness and bad luck is the same as toughing it out?" … Ononoki (an anime character)
  

funny dream

I had a funny dream. Nothing relevant to anything -- as far as I can interpret it. Just sort of funny :-)

First, though, a status report. It's been a while since the last.
===

Status July 2020: all well :-)

Physical: My numb and sensitive feet have settled down. Now the soles are permanently numb with some sensitivity but it's not painful.

Occasionally I get patches of skin which are incredibly itchy, top of my toes is most common. It goes after ten minutes or so. Sometimes the itch is just a spot on a random bit of body or hands or head. Could be sunburn though most of the spots never see the sun.

Digestion works well. Hair grows well, with patches due to balding and xray burning. The hair itself is a lot finer than i remember.

I grew up with the understanding that shingles is something you get when under stress. (No need to correct me.) I get an itchy area with little white lumps in a red area. Shingles? Or perhaps irritation, it appears under my waist band after I've been sitting too long.

Last week or so one hip has been painful. Due to old age and too much sitting... For years I've had to be careful with my right hip, nothing painful, an occasional minor ache. This last week -- it's painful. I move the wrong way and yow! pain! Not just the hip, all around that area.

Most pain is when I move in an unexpected direction. Today I ran a 12km trail run, no worries -- except for ten minutes pain after I bent over to retie my shoelace! Now I'm back to a dull ache in my hip, no real pain. Probably getting ready for a hip replacement :-)

So, physical, fine. Worst bits can be blamed on getting old... which is good :-)

Emotional: I've had a really bad couple of weeks. Things going wrong, things over which I have no control. The internet died for a few days. Telstra had no idea. Then it just came back -- but WoW has not worked since then. No idea why. WoW support staff are no help.

Strangely enough... the cable connecting the pc to the nbn... was not connected?!

The sore hip gets worse when I sit at the pc. So i'm too scared to do much on my app. (Still, some satisfactory progress.) When i'm feeling miserable i also wonder, Why do i bother writing this app.

Other things also went wrong, trivial things, things which seemed deadly serious because I was in a foul mood.

Now the internet works, though it may not be the nbn that we pay for. WoW still not working. I'm resigned to a world of failure so...

Emotional status is, "better" :-)

What third category did I use? Not spiritual... perhaps philosophical? Which is: back to relaxed. Acceptance or denial, not sure. What will be, will be...

With rage and anger and misery back below the surface. Still there but back under control.
===

So, that dream:

Even in the dream I recognised that it was an episode of Rosehaven. That's a show that I can't stand, with a loser main character. In my dream...

I am that loser. I have a piece of steak for a party, a barbecue. Dirt drops on the steak, I rinse it off. I drop the steak on the ground. More rinsing. We know that noone will turn up for our barbecue. Then...

There is a voice-over ending: Our co-worker Mr Someone has died. Our barbecue becomes his wake.  Everyone attends. Success!

What does it mean? No idea. But I do think it was a funny dream... :-)

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===
"Are you one of those people who think wallowing in unhappiness and bad luck is the same as toughing it out?" … Ononoki (an anime character)