white hair envy

I've started looking at white-haired couples with a twinge of envy. For years I've had this image of growing old with Deb, of supporting each other as we gradually -- like old lecturers -- lose our faculties. Now it seems as though Deb will grow old & grey without me. Sigh. I hope that Deb will be okay.

Mind you, we both already have the grey hair, at least. I may have given it to Deb. But I was expecting quite a few more years together, as we fade from grey to white.

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At the same time, the expectation that I will die "soon" seems unrealistic. Rather, I am still in double-think: at one and the same time I think, Okay, I'm dying... and, No, I can't believe that I'm dying.

Whatever the truth (and yes, I do know the truth) I'm enjoying life. Except for the background of worry about Deb.

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Except for the weeks of both of us having a cold :-( "A" cold ?! It could be a couple of colds, one after the other. Deb battles on. I suffer and get as much sympathy as possible...

On the bad days -- as the cold waxes and wanes -- I suffer from the cold. Cold temperature, that is. Every winter I suffer from the cold -- but having a cold makes me notice it more. Several nights, I end up sleeping in three or four thermal tops, thermal long-johns and a wool beanie. Plus pyjamas, of course. With Deb warm & cosy and generating heat next to me. But I'm still cold.

On a particularly cold night I have an interesting visual problem...

I wake up, middle of the night. Glance at the bedside clock to see the time... and can barely see the clock! The glow-in-the-dark figures are a pale, barely visible grey! I sit up... rub my eyes... push the wool beanie off my face... and can see clearly again. Phew :-)

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All else is fine :-) Fine enough that I really notice how unfit I am. That, however, is something that I can do something about... If only I can be bothered.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

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"What a trial it is to submit to the whim of fools." … Captain Trumane, The Waking Fire

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https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/

some days are diamond...

First: No recent posts because nothing much has happened! Nothing relevant, anyway. Feeling fine (recovering from a cold). Except...

As John Denver sang, "Some days are diamond, some days are stone."

I start the week feeling just a bit miserable. Just the same things that have always made me miserable: things I would like to do but know I won't. With slight overtones of, I may die within three months! Which may sound bad -- but it does give me a solid excuse for not trying harder :-)

Much of what I have not done -- but thought that I should or could have done -- is because I lack the driving urge to *succeed*. If I had that drive I would not be "me".  Nor would I be as happy as I generally am. Moderation and satisfaction with the results of moderation... But:

Monday morning I am miserable.

Shortened life expectancy is only a minor part of my Monday misery. More a result than a cause. My standard response to misery is to do something -- something else -- that is enjoyable and do-able. So...

Monday afternoon I update my list of *fun* things to do... my list of *do-able* fun things to do. This moves me from miserable to okay.

Monday evening -- with Deb's approval -- I register us for fun runs. I enter us both in a run which begins and ends in the new stadium. I enter us both in the City to Surf. I enter just me in a trail run... I really miss those trail runs!

These future fun runs give me a strong incentive to train, to regularly run.

In the last ten days I have ... walked ... 2.5km. Slowly. That's my current training regime. Oh dear. I finally up the ante. Run 6km on Wednesday. 8km today. Still slowly... but better than nothing :-) And with hills... After all, running across Cradle Mountain is still on my to-do list.

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Tuesday, I book some accommodation... There is a rogaine at the end of the month, a 24 hour rogaine. We should be walking, sleeping in a tent, walking again the next day. Instead of "sleeping in a tent" -- Deb & I will sneak away from the event and spend the night in a comfortable cottage.

Lots to look forward to! All misery has passed :-)

Well, okay, I still get the occasional flash of, I should do "that" :-( Or, even less often, a flash of, I'm gonna die! I'll be scanned every three months, any one of those scans could lead to more treatment. Any scan could be the signal that, The End is Nigh. So what ?! Still plenty of life to enjoy :-)

Though I notice that I have started grinding my teeth at night. An old habit which I thought I had shaken. I think it's minor but I'll ask the dentist if I'm grinding enough to damage the teeth. Bad news: the dentist would regularly comment on the damage I was doing to my teeth by grinding. Good news: I'm still alive to need another 12-month dental checkup.

My current motto is, "Enjoying Life. Three months at a time :-)" T-shirts will be printed...

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Also to be printed: I have finally wrapped up the "blog book one", to be printed for Deb. I also plan to print a whole lot of photos of our grandson, from day 1 to very recent. Again for Deb but for completely different reasons :-)

Did I mention that I was preparing the same "blog book one" as an ebook?  It's now available on Smashwords. Not that I expect (or want) to sell it, I just want to maximise the results of putting it all together :-) Just search for "Nick Lethbridge". Not Dead Yet is just above "Nick & Knobby Go Hollywood". Hmmm... no, that one is not mine. Knobby barely goes anywhere, these days.

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I'm sure there was a joke I wanted to post... now forgotten. Ah well. That's the penalty I pay for not blogging when the thoughts are fresh; now I'll worry, What was that joke?!

And so -- with a sad lack of punchline -- that's all for tonight.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

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"That which does not kill us does not kill us." … attributed to Conan the Barbarian

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https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/

feeling good ... with reservations

We go orienteering on the weekend, over two days. I fail to finish my two courses. A standard problem: I get tired and lose my ability to navigate. This weekend I tire more quickly than in the past, a sign of loss of fitness. I'm recovering my ability to jog but still have trouble climbing a hill. I really need to improve my strength on the uphills, so I can enter trail runs again.

btw: Deb does very well, on each day and in the overall results :-)

I've just updated my diary, to remove "take Temo" for this week. What a relief: no chemo, no side-effects! Of course this means that all known anti-cancer treatments have reached their effective limits. So it's good news and ... not so good :-)

The latest MRI shows that I am currently clear of visible cancer. I thought that I was handling the pre-scan result waiting quite well -- till I feel the relief with the "clear" result. Pre result I was coping, with a "clear for now" result I am... vastly relieved.

Though I do notice -- even now, post-scan result -- that I have a tendency to grind my teeth. I've done that in the past, under stress. I eventually learnt how to not actually grind -- but the current tendency to grind shows that I am not entirely relaxed. Oh well, insert "only a short-term problem" here :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

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"That which does not kill us does not kill us." … attributed to Conan the Barbarian

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https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/