scan required

Before the craniotomy (just practising my new word:) the surgeon needs another MRI. He signs a request form... when we're home again I contact the named scanning company. Can they scan me? No.

The first available date for a scan is -- the 26th. Oops! the op is on the 20th... I start phoning.

Of course neither doc nor surgeon (nor secretaries) are still at work. I send a flurry of emails asking, Is it okay to contact a different scanning company? (I know nothing of what is really needed.)

Finally I email the request form to the company that have done my last few scans, Can they do this one? I email doc and surgeon, tell them what's happening, ask if that's all okay. (Deep-ENT says it's okay.)

So, all done. Tomorrow, I hope to find out if it's all done okay.

Chaos, confusion and insanity. My work here is done."

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"Failure is not an option. It's a lifestyle." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

open up :-)

As expected...

A busy day... Thursday is our day for grocery shopping, supermarket shopping and running. Add a meeting with a brain surgeon and a phone appointment with the cancer doc... It's a busy day.

First, we run. That's the easy bit. Good to get it done, especially with a rain forecast for the afternoon.

Home, shower, tea... and set off for an 11:30 appointment with the surgeon. We've just left home when there's a text: a reminder of the 11:30 appointment -- plus a note that he is currently running 20 to 30 minutes late.

Quick change of plans: We turn into the grocery shop, do our first lot of shopping. I also manage to forward the "delay" message (clever, eh?) to the son who was going to meet us for coffee after the surgeon's appointment.

Home, put away groceries, drive towards the surgery.

Under the hospital -- the parking bays are tiny! Deb doubts she can fit in -- and our car is small. Finally another car pulls forward, we can drive through one bay into his. Turns out, he managed to park -- then couldn't get out of his car.

So we're parked. Upstairs to the surgeon's office. Where we wait. For twenty or thirty minutes.

Meanwhile, a message from our son: The hospital coffee shop is closed, it's a nightmare... He walks off to get a juice somewhere else. After more texts... he goes off and we... wait.

We meet the surgeon and the message is, exactly what I expected. Just with clearer explanations. Which I will happily misunderstand below.

The shape on my MRI scan may be necrosis but that is unlikely. Radiation necrosis generally appears within a year. It's more like three years since my radiation.

There's an area on my scan which is probably a new tumour. It looks like a tumour.  Well, like an MRI scan of a tumour. It's further into the brain than the original tumour. If tumour cells follow the physical channels within the brain -- which they do -- then that is just where a new tumour would grow. Not definitely a tumour -- but very likely.

An interesting aside: My scan came with "perfusion". The perfusion should show blood flows. there are less blood flows -- in the tumour area? than expected. What does this mean? No idea. Neither the surgeon nor the MRI analysis have a clear explanation.

So what does the surgeon recommend? Open it up, of course :-)

Exactly what we are expecting.

There's some discussion of why and risks.

Why? Open my head -- craniotomy -- and scrape out a bit of brain -- resection. I'm disappointed that the surgeon does not expect to "see" much. Whatever he scrapes out will be analysed by pathologists, that's where the real information is found. Especially, important: is it really a tumour? (The betting man says, Yes.)

Aside: Brain surgery does not use sharp blades. Thinking about it, the brain is soft (not just mine), the surgeon perhaps uses a butter knife. I ask Deb if one of this week's dinners can be crumbed lamb brains fried in butter... Yumm :-) I'm not sure why I thought of that.

Risks: All brain surgery is risky. This one is not especially risky.

He'll be working on a part of the brain which manages vision. He says many times, this will not fix my current vision problems. (I didn't expect it to.)

Absolute disaster could damage my vision. In that area of the brain, even shoddy surgery is unlikely to kill me. Or even vegetate me. It's vision which is at risk, and only because, well, all brain surgery (and all surgery) is risky.

Do we want to go ahead? Well, yes, we've already decided that.

Next week, or the week after? We decide, 20th May. Not immediately. I want a bit of time to get used to the idea... The surgeon says no, it's not urgent, a week or two should be fine.

We thank him and leave. Outside I double-check with Deb: is that all okay? Yes... We speak to his secretary. Sign a few forms, pay some bills... and leave. Phew!

It's just five minutes to one, the cancer doc is due to phone at one. I phone her...

Speak to her secretary, call transferred, is anyone there? oh, it's the cancer doc... typical of my confusion with this modern telephone technology :-)

The doc agrees, yes, have the surgery. Again... all as expected :-)

Deb and I go to the shops, have lunch. I can't believe it's only lunchtime -- it's been a very long day.

We do the shopping... I do some impulse buying :-)

Home again. Time to update a few people.

Just as I say, I'll be having some more brain surgery -- there's a flash of lightning and a boom of thunder! Couldn't have timed it better :-)

One thing that Deb and I have accepted, we repeat it to a few people: My cancer is aggressive. It is incurable, it is terminal. It may have been beaten down -- it will be back and it will kill me. The only question is, when?

Deb and I agree, the three years so far is far better than we originally expected.

On the other hand: where I am now is not much worse than it was a few months ago. I'm still quite healthy (except for, you know :-)

I now have some actual symptoms (loss of vision, the vision has largely come back, thanks to dex). The tumour is (most likely) back but it's in a relatively unimportant part of my brain. I still have a death sentence in my brain. But...

The surgery will discover how serious it is now. After pathology tests the cancer doc will suggest any further treatment. Not that there are many options.

I've shortened our planning horizon from 3+ years to two-plus. I may not have enough time to properly train for the Cradle Mountain Run :-) Nope, we won't be at the next rogaine, the day after the operation.

After that, though: There's still time to enjoy life :-)

===

Good grief, there's more! I'll start a new post...

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"Failure is not an option. It's a lifestyle." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

feedburner

There's a strange message on my -- the blog owner's -- page about "FeedBurner". Whatever it is, it's going. I read on. 

Do you know that you can subscribe to this blog? Get an email whenever I post something new. Clever, eh? Too late to get excited now... The subscription option is managed by FeedBurner. Which will go away. In July. Sorry :-(

I didn't know what it was. Now I'm sorry to see it go :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"Failure is not an option. It's a lifestyle." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

communication via secretary.

I have a fresh to-and-from email. I email the sec, sec speaks (I guess!) to the doc), doc replies, sec sends email back to me. Am I allowed to say, Chinese whispers?

This is my current understanding:

Tomorrow I will talk with the brain surgeon. He will ask me how I'm going. After that, the brain surgeon will talk with the cancer doc. The cancer doc will then phone me, to tell me what "the surgeon suggests". I hope that that really means, that the doc and the surgeon will discuss options and that the doc will select one, to suggest to me.

Here's a most likely outcome:

The surgeon will look at me and say, I am willing to open up your head to see what is happening in there. The doc will then tell me, The surgeon is willing to operate. She'll make a pretence of offering me the surgery option. I'll say, Do it !

Deb is worried. She sees risk in my brain being poked. I'm less worried. It would be a relief to have someone with definite knowledge of what is happening in there. A relief to know what's there. Less of a relief if they find a new tumour :-)

===

So today I ran round the lake. Slow and easy. And I did not crash into anything at all :-)

Here's an estimate:

I lost 50% of my left-side vision, in each eye. Today -- after days of dex -- I have recovered half of that lost vision.

Deb says that that's a baseless estimate therefore useless. I say, It's more useful than the doc's, Ooohh, that's bad.

===

As per the old blessing -- or curse: Yep, I am indeed living in interesting times :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"Failure is not an option. It's a lifestyle." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

the plot thickens

Last Thursday we saw the cancer doc. She mentioned various things, such as possible radiation, exploratory surgery and a week of dex.

We have the understanding that I will swallow dex for a week. The doc will then call to see if I am improving.

Well good news :-) I'm regaining a lot of peripheral vision. I no longer walk into things -- as long as I keep alert. Typing is noticeably easier. (As far as *I* can tell :-) Perhaps all that I am typing is rubbish :-?

So we're expecting a call -- on Thursday, the day she works in the office -- from the cancer doc.

Meanwhile... I get a call from the brain surgeon.

From the surgeon's secretary. She leaves a voice message. In a very faint voice. It takes me a day to notice the message, another two days to understand who she is and what she wants. Then it's the long weekend.

Eventually, today, I phone her back. I still have trouble understanding her. Finally...

The cancer doc contacted the surgeon. The surgeon left a message with his secretary, to get me an "urgent" appointment for Thursday. "Urgent"?! What has changed since we saw the cancer doc?! The secretary knows no more.

I reason it out: The surgeon must be another doctor who only appears in an office on Thursdays. So it's this Thursday, or wait another week. Rather than being urgent I see it as, Let's get this started.

Still, it's an indicator: Unless the surgeon completely misunderstood the cancer doc, I'm guessing that opening up my head is becoming a favoured option. Sometime in the future. And the future may be closer than we thought.

It makes sense. MRI images are good but need interpretation. Open up, look round, get a look at what is really there. Necrosis? swelling? tumour?

In the more out-there possibilities: If it turns out that there is another tumour, get a sample. There's been mention of special treatment by something which is tailored to match the exact tumour. For which, a tumour sample is essential. At least to find out whether the treatment is applicable or not.

Deb is very worried. I tell her, really, it's no change since last Thursday. Deb doesn't like the seemingly increased possibility that I will be in for more brain surgery.

Me? worried but not as much as Deb.

The last few weeks have been very much up and down. Way down, to expectations of imminent death. Now... I think I'm back where I should be: If it happens, it happens. Meanwhile... enjoying life.

My main worry is... If I do get booked in for more brain surgery... will I have time to first get my hair cut very short?

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"Failure is not an option. It's a lifestyle." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

All hail the mighty dex !

Three nights of dex and there is some noticeable improvement.

"dex" is (I think, dexamethasone. I can't be bothered reading the label so if that sounds like an illegal drug then I am taking the purely legal dex-something else.

Dex is a steroid. It reduces swelling such as caused by bruising. In my case, swelling round the bit of dead brain. The swelling is -- to my understanding -- pushing into a bit of my brain that processes vision. Reduce the swelling and vision can return to normal.

It's just a few days but already there is improvement in my vision. On Friday Deb did the finger-wiggling thing, then again today. Some of my left peripheral vision is restored. Phew :-)

In an even less formal measure: most of my typing is hitting the correct keys.

Of course the magic dex does have a side-effect. So I take anti-dex (no, I'm not at all interested in its real name) so that the dex doesn't make me chunder. Then the anti-dex... oh joy, my least favourite side-effect: constipation.

But I'm ready for this. There's a powder to be mixed in water then drunk. Harmless, just with the consistency of snot :-(

How long does this powder take to work? Last time I used it, I gave up waiting and took a second dose. The effect was... very definite. This time I wait. Just over two hours for good enough relief. Essential knowledge, for next time :-)

So it's dex and anti-dex... and probably anti-anti-dex... for a week. Then speak with the cancer doc. If my vision continues to improve, the brain surgeon may leave his scalpels at home. For a bit longer anyway :-)

I'm not too worried about more brain surgery, I just sleep through it. Deb is far more worried, so I had better continue to improve... Practice my wiggling-finger-spotting skills.

===

Oh, and here are some big words that I just need to brag with:

MRI perfusion and homonymous hemianopia 

That first (okay, they are phrases rather than words), the first means that I was scanned with more than a straight MRI. The perfusion adds to the value of the image. So I understand from the little that the doc explained.

I read up on MRI perfusion in Wikipedia. I'm not going to even try to re-read it... From memory -- of my vague understanding... the perfusion is something extra added to my blood while the MRI is scanning. The extra may not make for a clearer picture. Rather, it takes a picture of something other than just brain and (possible) tumour. One perfusion may show blood flow through the cells.

This what I actually learnt: The cancer doc is not an expert in MRI. Nor, probably, an expert in perfusion. Nor is she an expert on the brain. She is an expert on cancer -- an expert who knows how to apply all that other stuff, to cancer. Which, strangely enough, makes me feel a lot better.

And the other phrase: "homonymous hemianopia". Break that down, apply it to my vision -- lost left peripheral vision it both eyes. The phrase is fancy-talk for, both eyes have the same loss of half vision. and it's caused by damage (necrosis? or just swelling?) on just that bit of brain, see, there!, just that bit where I have necrosis and swelling.

All that may not make sense. It may not be accurate. But it suits me. an makes me feel a whole lot better :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"Failure is not an option. It's a lifestyle." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

not bad, but not great

The scan results are in. It's similar to the last few: there's an area of dead brain but it is... probably not a new tumour.

 

There is also swelling in the dead -- necrotic -- area. This may be causing me to lose peripherial vision to the left.

 

Interesting medical approach: The cancer doc says, can you see my finger wiggling. Yes & no, depending on where the finger is. Okay, checking my peripheral vision. So... what is the result? Why bother to tell *me* ?! Go home, wait a week, let me know if your symptoms change, she says.

 

How am I now? I wonder. how will I know if anything has changed? Changed from *what*?!

 

Later, at home, I ask Deb to wiggle fingers -- and find out just how little I can now see to my left.

 

Now -- with a base -- we can check to see if anything has changed.

 

How bad is it? Why bother to tell the patient.

 

 

Anyway, I have pills to take. Dex, which reduces swelling. and anti-dex, to stop the all-day chunder side-effect of the dex. So, swallow those for a week, check my symptoms -- not seeing to the left..., contact the

doc.

 

Of course she'd like to see what is really happening on my brain. That makes sense. An MRI is magic but it just shows shapes. So I may have surgery in my future. That's easy, I just sleep through surgery :-)

 

Before meeting with the cancer doc, our deep ENT informant says he has read the MRI analysis and he is not sure what it really means. Then he is reassured when the cancer doc is also unclear on what it means...

 

The MRI analysis was written by an MRI expert. So, for those who do not read fluent MRI gibberish: This is what I understand. Right or wrong? It's good enough for me :-)

 

There is no evidence of a tumour.

 

There is x-ray necrosis -- slow-growing dead brain, death caused by x-ray treatment.

Oh, interesting; mrcosis may also be the remains of a dead tumour. Not likely in my case. My tumour was cut out before it could die.

 

Yes, my radiation treatment was years go but it does take ages for x-ray necrosis to develop.

 

Good and bad news: x-ray necrosis is  a growing problem because more and more patients are living long enough for the necrosis to develop.

 

My necrosis is on the optical-something (no, not nerve) but it does deal with vision. So the necrotic swelling could be causing my vision oddities.

 

Not just peripheral. When I look at a familiar person -- their face looks to be just slightly unfamiliar! I first noticed it with Deb! Other people too, though it's not as obvious. Weird..

After meeting with the doc, we have coffee. Deb asks our expert deep-ENT, Would the swelling cause Nick to be confused? For me, I believe that I look at a crowded scene -- PC screen or room -- and don't see all the detail. So I have to peer and search... and get confused. I'm happy with that explanation -- though still confused.

 

Then Deb says, Nick was in a furious rage this morning, Is brain damage a possible cause of sudden anger? deep-ENT says, He has been seriously stressed lately. He then reverts to his more familiar role and says, "To be fair, Mum, Dad has always been like that. A very good point :-)

waiting

Tuesday I have my head scanned. Is there a brain? Is there anything else?

Of course I don't yet know the results.The MRI image is looked at by experts. The cancer doc looks at the expert interpretation. On Thursday we see the cancer doc, she tells us the results of the analysis. If necessary, she will also suggest actions. I will nod and say, whatever. I'm no expert. I just do as I'm told.

I am 99% certain that there will be a tumour. Why? Just preparing for ... well, it's not "the worst". Just the beginning of the worst. My mood is back where it should be: happy to wait and see.

After the MRI a nurse reads my shirt and says that she will tell her husband. The shirt says, Enjoy life... three months at a time :-) Her husband is on six months, the same principle applies. Though I my need to update my shirt, to six weeks at a time. I'm getting to recognise the people at the MRI clinic.

As I leave, a tech says, See you next time. I reply, I certainly hope so. I'm afraid that that is exactly what was said after my last scan... I need a new writer.

Symptoms:

I don't notice things to my left. If I constantly remind myself to look to my left, I see everything. Unless I concentrate, I see -- but do not notice.

I can type quite fast but it's not touch typing, I am watching the keys as I type. Watching -- and now, getting it wrong. I hit the wrong keys, I hit a key to the right of the one that I want.

I also -- and this has been coming on for years -- I look at something and I cannot understand the detail. I look at a map and it takes me ages to find a particular town or highway. (Or I give up looking)

I spend a lot of time looking at the PC screen... Looking, for example, for the email "Send" button.

Google makes it worse: I'm looking for a specific folder in a list of my email folders. I look down the list, looking at each and every one, reading them aloud till I find the one I want. How does google make it worse? I still understand alphabetical order. Google does not... It insists on listing things with the last opened  or most used at the top. So if I have not opened a folder today -- it is at some random position down the list.

MS Office likes to do the same. But at least I once, years ago, found an option to list in alphabetical order.

I lose track of things. Well, I'm not sure if this is related, but I had a new pair of reading glasses, I lost them within a week.

But it's windows which are my regular bugbear. I can't just look at a couple of windows (on the PC Windows this is :-), I can't just look and see which one I want. I often find it simpler to close every single window, then reopen the doc (or whatever) that I want.

Dang, this typing is difficult! So many mis-keys.

So it's entertaining to look at my confusion from the inside :-) But I think I was wise to turn down an invitation to a poker night...

And onThursday, we find out if it's all in my mind... or if it really is in my brain... rofl

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

... f"Question authority. Don't expect to like the answer." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https: // not.dead.yet .blogspot. com. au/ :-)

A classic holiday :-)

Deb & I go away for a few days over the weekend. It is ... a debacle :-)

As an aside: I often fail to notice things to my left. IF I focus, I can see them. But I have to look closely.

I eat dinner -- then notice a pile of food pushed off the plate, onto the table.  to my left. Deb says, don't worry, we can wipe the table :-)

Another effect is, that typing is difficult. I aim for a key and hit a key to one side. I aim for A, hit caps lock, AND FROM THEN ON i'M SHOUTING.

Sooner or later I will stop correcting these mis-types. Or, I will stop seeing them :-) Either way, just try to guess what I mean!

So, the weekend holiday:

Stay one night in Dwellingup. Then move to Collie. A 7km night run, Deb & I will run (walk)together. Next day, a 5km or 10km run. In daylight :-)

I decide that 10km is further than I want to run. I contact the organisers, ask them to change my Saturday entry from 10km to 5km. No worries, they reply... though that run is on Sunday, not Saturday. Oh.

We drive to Dwellingup. A pleasant drive through lots of nice forest. Deb drives on the highway. When there is a wide, quiet road -- with lots of space on the left side, I drive. We're both tense but have no trouble. Don't worry, that's the last driving for me...

Dwellingup, we're in a chalet on a farm, looking over paddocks to forest. Beautiful!

Then we drive... Deb drives... to Collie. We're in a nice b&b. We prefer self-catering but this is very comfortable.

We follow the hostess' suggestion and eat dinner at the Collie Italian Club. Very nice. Okay, we get a bit lost on the way back... but Deb's smartphone saves the day.

Earlier, we were using *my* phone to navigate. Back of Waroona my phone goes on strike, claims no internet connection. Deb's phone works. not mine.

Twelve hours later, I'm back on the internet.

Luckily, Deb can read a road map. I can't. I look at it. Can't find any towns other than Bunbury (a large ugly blob). I have also lost the concept of page-turning... I can't find a cover, I turn one page and skip many pages. back or forward. Deb probably slipped me a joke book of maps :-)

Not to worry. We're now in a comfortable b&b in Collie, nothing to do till we run tomorrow morning. We have already decided to skip tonight's night run. Deb thinks we could go to the 'event village" and get dinner from the food van. Instead, we eat at the Collie Italian Club, a good choice.

We've asked for breakfast to be ready early so we can get to the Saturday morning run.

About 10pm, we're in bed, almost asleep. I ask Deb, What day is it today?

Ahhh... We left home on Thursday So today is... Friday. There is no night run tonight. there would be no food van. Oops.

There is no "Saturday" run, there is a run on Sunday...

We wake up ridiculously early -- to get to a run which is... not till tomorrow. We cut our losses...

We pack up. Start driving home. Today. Saturday. We planned to drive home on Sunday.

At Harvey, we stop for a snack. I phone the b&b hostess, tell her we have done a runner. I gloss over any explanation of Why :-)

Now we're home. A day earlier than planned. A classic holiday... one of our best :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

... f"Question authority. Don't expect to like the answer." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https: // notdotdeaddotyet .blogspot. com. au/ :-)

anti leftism

I'm reading the paper, this story seems to make even less sense than usual. Oh, wait -- the story started in a previous column, so I'm starting half way through.

I'm missing seeing things to my left, things such as the first column of a newspaper story.

I can see it -- a thing on my left -- if I look. But with a quick glance, I don't notice it.

Dang, this typing is difficult. I keep hitting a key to one side. The worst is when I intend to type the letter A and I hit Caps Lock.

Driving is exciting. I keep up a running commentary  (to myself) to remind myself to watch the left. " parked car ahead... move right, closer to the white line... turning left, watch the inside kerb... It's easier with Deb as a passenger, when there's a car close by the left side, Deb shrieks. Today we drive south, Deb will be driving.

I send an email to the cancer doc. Say that if she thinks running round in a panic will help then I can book an earlier MRI. The doc replies... I'm booked for an earlier MRI, the day after we get home again.

Deb and I have independently concluded that my tumour is back. We'll find out next week. Meanwhile, a weekend of trail running.

Deb's ankle is still sore. She's looking forward to a 7km night trail run...

We'll be running (walking) together. I tend to run into bushes on the left. Deb has to be gentle with her ankle (as if :-( Should be fun :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

... for the greater good ... against the corrupt metastasis of oligarchic power that stomps on humanity's neck everywhere" ... Sacranist creed, Thin Air

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https: // notdotdeaddotyet .blogspot. com. au/ :-)

hold the sympathy?

Okay, I've just had a refresher on the brain area which is necrotic. It's an area which is unlikely to have serious effects.

So, probably -- just needless worry... all part of the cancer process so worth blogging. And yes, I blogged and felt better, even before the brain area update.

Dang... back to being a senile old man who can't keep his food on his plate. :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

... for the greater good ... against the corrupt metastasis of oligarchic power that stomps on humanity's neck everywhere" ... Sacranist creed, Thin Air

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https: // notdotdeaddotyet .blogspot. com. au/ :-)

awkward

Dang, my left-challenged vision could be awkward.

Before I started the previous post, I went to the toilet. I just noticed, I forgot to turn off the light.

The toilet -- and its light switch -- were on my left.

I suspect that I will be finding -- or not finding -- more and more things on my left :-) This could get awkward :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

... for the greater good ... against the corrupt metastasis of oligarchic power that stomps on humanity's neck everywhere" ... Sacranist creed, Thin Air

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https: // notdotdeaddotyet .blogspot. com. au/ :-)

prepare to be sympathetic!

Al last -- I have some real symptoms :-) Other than falling over in a fun run, that is.

To save the suspense: I do not see -- or do not notice -- things on my left. Oh, and I have regular -- mild -- headaches. Nothing to worry about except that headaches are not -- usually -- something I have. Oh, yes, and I do have cancer in the head... So perhaps I should worry? Maybe later.

I've just emailed the cancer doc, asked her if running round in a mad panic is likely to help. Otherwise, I'll see her in a few weeks.

Not seeing things to the left, that's easy to spot... well, no. It took Deb to spot it. I simply ignore what is happening. Of course :-) So, what is happening?

Deb has started to scream while I'm driving. screaming things like, Look out for that parked car!! Ohhh that parked car. Once it's pointed out -- I see it.

The very first indication is a lot smaller than a parked car. When I'm reading I don't see the first letter of words. I look again and there it is... it really slows down my reading.

It also seems -- according to Deb -- that I am driving very close to the left side of the road. And yes, I am bumping into kerbs... quite often. Kerbs on the left.

One day I'm running round the lake. Dratted trees, hanging over the path, I run straight through the hanging branches... on my left.

On the same run, I wander off the track, to the left, of course. May as well wander off to the left, there's nothing there -- as far as I can see.

Crashing into things while running, not a problem. Just adds some excitement to the run. (Next week's night run should be fun :-)

Crashing into things while driving, that could be a bit more serious.

Even a week ago -- before we noticed my left-challenged vision -- I let Deb drive. This was taking our grandson to swimming. I was feeling old and senile -- not fit to drive a grandson. Now, the problem is more specific. And definite.

I suspect that my driving days are over. Certainly -- immediately -- Deb will do the driving. ( Or I may join the modern world -- shudder -- and use Uber.)

Here's another annoying thing: When I type the letter A there is a high chance that my finger will drift to the unseen space to the left -- and hit the caps lock key. I'm constantly having to turn off the caps lock key :-(

Running, driving and typing are difficult for the left-challenged. But it gets worse.

I am eating dinner. I notice that half of my meal is on the .table. Yes, on the table to the left of my plate. Didn't see that happening, did I?!

I clear my plate. Delicious, I say. Then I notice and pick up the food from the table, put it back on my plate. (Hey! not going to waste it!) So I clear my plate and push the plate away... and see that there is still food on the plate. Yes... on the left of my plate.

I clear my plate again... not. I Try again -- checking the entire plate. To see if I have really eaten everything.

Later, Deb tells me that I ate all the food on the right half of my plate. Well, that is the food that I can see...

Going back a bit: My last few MRI scans showed a shadow on my brain. It didn't seem to grow so it is labelled as radiation necrosis. The shadow may (according to my dodgy memory) be on a bit of brain that relates to vision.  I think it's on the right hemisphere. So: my instant analysis is, my necrotic -- yes, dead -- patch of brain is affecting my left-side vision.

Bad necrosis is -- to me -- good news. The alternative is, a fast-growing tumour.

And here's more good news:

Deb identifies my left-challenged vision. It all fits together, yes. (Deb is brilliant :-) It may be necrosis. It may be cancer. Either way -- I am vastly cheered. Yes, really. You see, I had thought that I was going senile. I've already accustomed myself to cancer... as the devil I know. I did not really want the new devil of going gaga.

So, sympathy please. For Deb, that is. She is about to do a lot more driving. And a lot more wiping the table. To the left of where I sit.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

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... for the greater good ... against the corrupt metastasis of oligarchic power that stomps on humanity's neck everywhere" ... Sacranist creed, Thin Air

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https: // notdotdeaddotyet .blogspot. com. au/ :-)

down, not out

It's a miserable week. I'm tired. Physically tired though my mind makes it worse. Little things -- added to bigger things -- hit me hard.

I swype-typed bigger things. Google gives me boost thongs. What an absolute pile of crap. I easily get angry. Underneath, I'm miserable.

Over the last few years I learnt two new programming languages. Wrote three versions -- limited but working versions -- of my app. This is "the app", the app which is -- in my humble opinion -- brilliant. It will revolutionise tourism. With bonus uses for orienteering and rogaining.

One version I wrote -- rewrote from scratch -- in two weeks. But my coding knowledge is limited.

I bit the bullet. Decided to spend twenty or thirty thousand to get a professional organisation to write my app. I provided step by step screen dumps. With wxplanations. Made a down payment and waited.

Six fucking months later they have delivered absolutely bugger all.

I thought I was dealing with a "project manager". Turns out, I was dealing with the unqualified, untrained,unskilled village idiot.

Six months wasted.

A fucking bunch of amateur wankers.

Tell you what. If they have not returned my money within a week, I'll tell you the name of the company. Fucking useless bastards that they are.

===

So that is a big thing that really spoils my mood. (Did you notice that I am upset?) Ha, I feel better already.

Except.

The last few days I have felt... very close to death. Hard to describe. Perhaps it's the "sense of impending doom" that is a sign of impending heart attack. Though my heart-- by all reports-- is fine. Put it this way: As this post began to form in my mind ... I felt that I should post it quickly, because I did not want to die with my rotten mood unexplained. On the bright side... it's taken me more than a day to get to write this. And I'm still alive :-)

I try Netflix and watch four episodes of Stranger Things. Love the 2.5x speed, it makes tv so much less boring. I decide Ido not want to watch a show where the key question is, who will be next to be killed? Seems like a good show, but too much amped-up tension for me.

I get worse.

We go for a run. (all good. Though Deb now runs faster than me.)

Home again. I have some data to enter into an Excel spreadsheet.

A few weeks ago I decided to try a different display option in Excel. I changed a setting. Now, I find that it makes Excell impossible to use. I cannot find the setting to change it back again.

I fuck around with Excel. It makes no fucking sense at all. Where the fuck is my data?! IClose it down. Switch off the PC. Curse and swear. Burst into tears -- misery and frustration-- go and lie down.

Later. I'm still prone to tears.

Deb asks if there's anything she can do for me. Can she write an app? I ask.

Several hours later and I'm feeling better. The start of this post may show that "better" is not "fine". Still :-)

As I point out to Deb, I asked her, can she write an app? I did not ask, Can she cure cancer.

I may feel close to death. Less close now, but closer than is comfortable. But cancer is absolutely the least of the things making me miserable.

Though I have been having headaches... Luckily, headaches have never been a part of my cancer, so that's okay :-)

Next week: It there anyone in WA who can write an app?

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===

We are here and it is now. After that, everything tends towards guesswork... Didactylos in Small Gods
   

self-catering

Deb is out so I make my own lunch. Baked beans seems like a good idea.

Searching for a tin of beans... I find a pot noodle. Beans and pot noodle? Sounds interesting, I think So I mix the two.

I only mention this experiment so that no-one else will ever make the same mistake :-(

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

... for the greater good ... against the corrupt metastasis of oligarchic power that stomps on humanity's neck everywhere" ... Sacranist creed, Thin Air

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https: // notdotdeaddotyet .blogspot. com. au/ :-)