Tuesday, May 21, 2024

fun run -- walk

on Sunday i join the mob of fun-runners. why?!
because a son and his two kids have entered.
we register, i make the expected donation, the two adults wait with all the enthusiasm of people waiting for an outbreak of the plague.
son guides us all by bus to the start. to the hellish noise and packed crowds of the 4km walk start.
we are still waiting at the start when son receives a message that a friend has already finished the 12km.
Eventually we start walking and it is almost fun.
8yo walks well, no worries. 4yo desn't complain but does most of the walk on her dad's shoulders.
dad ie my son keeps checking that i am still there. i suspect that Deb has given him strict orders to not let grandad get lost.
4km is a surprisingly long way -- and i have no child to carry.
at the end the kids get hot dogs. which are eaten in no time flat. the boy appears to be in the growth spurt that occurs between zero and teen.

I'm dragged along by the young mob and finish 67th of 70 in my age category.
a brilliant effort all round. remind me to never do it again :-)




Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===


Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood
   

Thursday, May 16, 2024

latest scan -- no real change

Today we see the cancer doc.
I don't know what to do with you, she says.
That's good :-)

My latest scan shows... the thing (okay, let's call it a tumour) has grown -- but only a little.
If it's 3cm across, it's grown 3mm -- in one direction. So, overall -- not much growth. (Nothing to feed on, perhaps). Growth is bad but it's so little that this result is actually good news. Certainly better than I expected.
Great relief all round :-)

The benefit of having terminal cancer -- it's good news if I'm not getting worse :-)

The doc has checked with the radiation specialist and with the surgeon.
Yes, he's happy to do more radiation. It's the patient with radiation necrosis who is reluctant to try more radiation.
The surgeon is not keen to remove necrosis -- it may be necrosis not tumour. I thought that either (necrosis or tumour) must be removed But no...
The brain may stop necrosis all by itself. Plus there is a drug which may stop the necrosis. Both of those are "may".
There is no definite action to take, that's what disturbs the doc.
As long as I have no symptoms, there is no *need* to do anything.
So it's back to watch-and-wait. I'm not exactly happy but, for now, hugely relieved.
Another scan in a couple of months.

It's another four years till I give the doc a new record for patient survival. I'll try...


Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
===

Bandaid solutions hurt when they are removed.

...Dying for you to Read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com


Thursday, May 9, 2024

scan done

Another MRI today. That's bad news, it's been only a month since the last. Why so soon? Because the last scan shows a 3cm, approx, thing growing on my brain. That's about the same size as the original tumour. And in the same place. It's a worry.
It could be the return of the tumour (most likely.) It could be more radiation necrosis (nasty). It could be something completely new (good grief, I hope not),
Today's scan is to see if it is growing. If it does not grow -- who cares, it does not seem to affect me.
If today's scan shows it is growing, I expect that I will be in for surgery: open my skull, have a look inside, see what is really there. (I really do need to install a window in my skull.)
Once the thing/growth is visible and, hopefully, identified... I expect it will be removed. Best done while the skull is still open.
From my point of view: If it is growing... then it is dangerous... So whatever it is... I expect open-skull surgery... if it is growing. I expect it is growing (I'm feeling pessimistic.)

I see it as a tick tick boom situation. Slowly, slowly, nothing much happening until suddenly it reaches critical mass and explodes. That's how I see it. This may be the boom. Of course I could be wrong. (Nooo... I'm never wrong :-)

If it comes to surgery, the risks will be explained:
The surgeon could remove too much, I could lose more vision. Or lose something more vital. Or I could die. It's a risky business, removing bits of brain. If it's a tumour, the surgeon removes just a bit more, trying to remove cancerous cells just outside the visible tumour. Not so bad with eg skin cancer, it just means a scar that is bigger than the tumour. In the brain, the tumour is surrounded by all sorts of essential areas. I may lose, as a scary example, my sense of humour.
Deb asks... if the surgeon gives a high risk that I will come out blind -- will I accept that risk? Well yes. That's the sort of risk that I may have to accept. Oh well.
Meanwhile... don't think that I am not worried; But what worries me is the risk of death. No trivial worries for me :-)
The surgeon is fine, I trust him. (If it's the same bloke.) I trust his skill -- and his care and caution(and his ability to learn.)
On the other hand, my cancer is guaranteed to be terminal. I'm just lucky that it grows in an area that is not essential to life. That's why I'm still alive. (That and a healthy life, good diet and a clean mind, ha.)
So, will I have surgery even if it may cause me to be blind? No worries, yes.
I do have flashes of expecting death. Usually when I remember something that I should do but it will take too many months or years. For example... I want to tidy and sort the papers dumped beside the PC. Give me another century and... still not enough time.
So I do have flashes of misery... in fact... flashes of fear. Fear of death -- and fear of leaving things unfinished.
Physically I'm still fine, as ever. No mysterious "symptoms" that could point to a tumour-affected brain. There are things that perhaps could be symptoms, I brush them off as, probably due to age. Classic denial, perhaps.
I'm happy. I can still do crosswords (usually). Sometimes short-tempered. As always.
Feeling better for having organised my thoughts and unburdened myself to this blog.

Oh, and another week or two till we get the results of today's scan.
Which reminds me

Having doddered my way out of the scan, I'm standing alone, outside, on the footpath, waiting for Deb to pick me up.
The scan tech walks up, says, are you being collected? Obviously making sure I'm okay. Yes, all good I reply, thanks. He goes back into the building.
Did he see me, come out especially? I don't know. Whatever. It was very nice of him.





Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
===

Bandaid solutions hurt when they are removed.

...Dying for you to Read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com


Wednesday, May 8, 2024

waiting for a scan

My next mri is late this week. Just a month since the last :-(
We won't get the results for a couple of weeks, there's a shortage of experts who can interpret a brain scan. So, till then... no change. Which is good.
I'm still wary of "symptoms", indications that my brain function is being affected. Nothing so far :-) Just the usual symptoms of age. Such as sleeping a lot. I'm fine with that.
On Saturday we're on a rogaine, a ten hour rogaine, we (Deb, her sister, me) walk 14km in a lot less time than that. Deb does all the navigation. I can understand the map but can't relate it back to where we need to go. No worries, Deb does brilliantly. Mostly, she keeps us on tracks.
it's a beautiful day for a stroll in the bush.

I've had a few late nights. I'm writing stories. I'm always looking for "nice" stories to read, now I'm writing my own. Just as much fun, more, than reading it.
It also keeps my mind occupied. I can't deny it, I'm a bit worried. About this next scan and about what follows.
This scan will find out if my latest tumour/necrosis is growing. If it is... the obvious option is that I'll have my head opened, again, and whatever it is will be removed, again. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it. Except worry and tell myself to not worry.
So, no worries :-)


Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===


Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood