Don't tell Deb

i've lived in this body more than 70 years.

Lived in, watched, studied, tried to understand.

if there's a problem, i look for a cause. Try to reverse the cause.

Deb has a different approach.

If there is a problem,

Deb reaches for drugs.

Or surgery with drugs-- which was the correct reaction for my first GBM.

Still, it makes me reluctant to admit to side-effects or symptoms.

For example:

I stay awake for many hours at night.

Yes, I'll then sleep, and be tired, during the day.

the cancer doc asks, would I like to use sleeping pills?

Deb repeats the question.

Why?!

Night time -- everyone else peacefully asleep -- is the best time to get work done. Without constant interruption.

Luckily Deb does seem to remember my years as lecturer and student.

I would work all night. then rise with the Sun and the family.

Catching up on sleep after lunch. When I could easily sleep through the noise and disturbance of family daytime activity.

Or wake up enough to join in.

Why would I want to waste the quiet night with sleeping pills?

Headaches are a bit more difficult.

my GBM is swelling my brain, headaches are expected. Dex is a relatively harmless drug which reduces swelling, therefore acts against headaches. I accept daily dex.

Also:

Remember the "old days" where women would embroider for hours by dim candlelight and get headaches. Eyestrain, it would be called.

Students would read all night and... get eyestrain.

Pain behind the eyes, headaches, tension as the brain struggled to see.

Now i see nothing to my left -- but reading still involves looking to right -- and to left.

My eyes are constantly swivelling left, right, left right

... looking to read entire lines of print.

Tiring my eyes.

Causing eye-strain.

... and, sometimes, a headache. ...Tension inside, not pain.

If it were pain -- yes, I would complain.

Was it Jonny Russo whose only symptom of GBM was debilitating headaches? 

Until it killed him.

I imagine that a debilitating headache would rate perhaps seven on a scale -- a pain scale -- of one to ten.

So I offer Deb my hedaches. I rate them at perhaps zero point five, on the one to ten scale.

Very dull tension at worst. Remember those swivelling eyes? Too much reading, too much looking for the left side of sentences.

Really, it's the best, worst, I can do.

Deb thinks, headache.

Adjusts my daily dex up or down.

Deb is happy. The cancer doc is happy.

I'm happy.

Deb and the doc deal with the drugs.

I do as I'm told.

I could probably read less.

But I do enjoy Deb managing my dex dosage.

I love the care and concern :-)

.

You can not Back into the Future
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http://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com
dying for you to read it :-)

===

Dr Nick Lethbridge
Consulting Dexitroboper