Peaceful Passing

***An Update From Rob***

Thank you to everyone for reading this blog over the years. My dad always found great solace in the thought that there were people hearing his views and following his journey.

After a long and sometimes difficult path, dad passed away peacefully last night. One of his requests was that we place one final update to let his loyal readers know that the name of his blog is no longer accurate.

Thank you all again for being a part of his story. 

- Rob Lethbridge

Dream gap

Deb's let slip what happened  while I  was dreaming. In fact my unsteadiness  was so bad I  could  not get up off the toilet. 

By the time first responders had stood me up and returned  me to bed, my brain  had fully scrambled. 

I spent 5 or 10 minutes being moved from one room to bed and dreaming  weird dreams.

Then I woke up confused.

Followed by hours or days of confusion. 

I was just getting  used to what still looked like a different  house. Now the house looks a bit more like home.

Deb for Nick......

   

At leisure HA!

I'm stuck  in  my room and it's  boring  and  awful.  One night I  was talking  to  a  group  of  people  and didn't  know  where I  was. They told me that I was at the same house  that I  had lived  in  for forty  years. Deb agreed so it must be true. 

But I am still  not comfortable  with  where I am. Oh well   I  guess  it will  eventually  feel like home.

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

Confined to room

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


a few weeks  ago my walking  became  wobbly, I'd bump into walls, and then it became  worse. I fell  over a few times. Doctors  decided my brain was being  affected  by growing  cancer.

The cancer makes my brain  susceptible  to damage eg hitting  my head on the floor. The medical  answer is to stop walking anywhere, so I  will stay in bed until the situation  is  clear.  That means I  stay in bed until I'm  dead.

If I even leave the house I  could fall over and damage  the already  damaged  brain.  

To protect what I  have now, I  sit at home, so I avoid further, unexpected damage. 

.....

So I  do not want to fall and hit my head on the floor. 

... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

Today

Are you waiting for me? 

Too late, see previous post.

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

Going.. going?

I seem to have reached the final  stages  of the dying process.

... from the booklet "My palliative Care", from the Silver  Chain .

I'm  not enjoying  it.

Thanks for your time and patience. 

8th September. 

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

where am i? why?

I'm at home sitting in bed.

medical opinion is that  I am too weak to stand by myself, too weak to walk alone. so I stay in bed.

no new physical damage, cancer or other.

physical status :

comfortable. very weak

mentally not at all sharp.

don't expect answers to emails, sorry :-(

emotionally a bit flat but fine... looked after by deb, 

 family close, occasional visits

 Imminent death still definite

only reason to leave home will be if I'm too much of a burden on Deb.

date of death still unknown

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

(1)

Random memories  for  the  past months,

began with alot of sleeping 

ten hours  per day 

accompanied by  pigs

jolly  pink, fat, jolly porkers, friendly,  warm, comfortable. 

Why pigs? No idea.

They wandered off.

Next few nights, no pigs,

 but not peaceful. 

Explosions, volcanoes,  earthquakes exploding everywhere. 

Bonfires. I step out onto the top where it is not actively  burning.

I spread my arms and shout: I am  going  to  die.

No response. Everyone  knows this.

New dream scene. Pink, fluffy clouds, harp music. I say that I  would  prefer  piano music.

Now I  am  sitting  by the window, watching the rain and sunshine. 

Very pleasant , very relaxing. 

I can barely  be bothered  moving. Mental exhaustion more than physical. No great change  to physical status. 

Nothing  new due to cancer. Just can't  be  bothered, which  may  be  depression.

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

sleep comes before all else.

tomorrow  I shall try a proper post.

meanwhile...

no physical change

...just mental exhaustion :-( which is bad enough

can barely be bothered walking

walking is tiring bt stable, mostly

I may stumble but don't fall

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

stability

the corridor does seem less stable and narrower

not 

bad enough.... yet... to stop my regular night trips to the toilet.

last night I fall over leaving the toilet. miss my grip on the trolley 

I 'm more careful later, no trouble.

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

casual with cancer

I try to not panic over having 

terminal cancer helps that I forget about it.

or at least, cancer is not central to my life. so it does not affect me strongly.

this morning I work my way through key stages: 

fun run, collapse

surgery, etc... yes, memories are all there but I ignore them. sometimes deliberately.

I do not always belelieve I have cancer. so easy to say I'm coping..

today 22jul25:

tired, rest / sleep all day

vision blurred. as expected by tumour growing back. roughly   wehere it was but now twice as large

this tumour causes problems just by existence, it pushes the brain around.

other tumour is killing me by spreading through brain stem. this will kill me by failing to,keep heart ands lungs working.

one of these is also allecting thinking In general 

my brain, intellect is having difficulty.

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

reading writing

my new tumour is twice as large as the original but in just about the game location. so my vision is different and  warped and the keyboard is hard to track. oh... and my brain wanders

if you want an answer by email... make it up

it will be as good as I could do :-)

otherwise, I'm feeling fine. cheerful, with still no pain

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

this morning I wake up from a nightmare.

the nightmare is that i qm waking from a nightmare,

the deeper nightmare has everyone, me too, dying a messy death from cancer.

I decide that I am finally awake and ask  deb, are we all dying from cancer?

on course we are. don't you remember, you have had terminal cancer for seven years.

it'll be months yet before you die.

this is deb so I am reassured. 

I go back to peaceful sleep for  hours.

ps I am still alive...

nb I am still well aware that I have terminal cancer :-)

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

wake up and my lungs are reluctant to breathe deep.

lungs are a risk area at this stage of tumour activity.

I force deep breaths, keep warm, take Ventolin, all good gain.

So I'm breathing well but

... once again -- very tired.

I sleep most of the day otherwise... fine :-)

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

good mood

I wake up feeling more cheerful than I have for weeks.

I must have had a local bug... on top of what normally annoys me.

whatever it was, it cleared overnight.

I even end the night with cheerful dreams. one that I remember is, sort of, good advice.

I always spend some effort "coping" with possible death. and I sneer at people who try wacky cures for the incurable.

advice to self: be willing to be open to testing wacky cures. they may not, yet, be accepted by med sci but

...I may get lucky :-)

I'm not a person to go too wacky -- but I will not sneer at the efforts of others. good luck to them.

anyway... I wake up still happy... that's  something to be glad about :-)

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

awake and alive

deb is out all morning minding grandchildren.

mid morning I wake up...and surprise myself by how pleased I am to be still alive!

and, many hours later -- still alive with *no* feeling of imminent death, phew!

very late dinner... couldn't gather enthusiasm for the six pills which are part of every second meal

if there is no post it usually means -- nothing interesting has happened... so no post is good news 

I suppose it's  funny... the worse the situation, the easier it is to write about it.

all part of posting to get it off my mind

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

so tired

it seems to be several weeks that I have been too tired to be bothered doing anything.

I just sit and snooze and sleep. occasionally walking from here to there. usually from bed to toilet though occasionally to and from a Cafe with Deb.

I'm not sure about the domestic pigs that I'm sometimes riding, not sure where they hide in our house, they may be a dream addition.

once or twice I've woken up feeling so tired, and bad, that I wonder if if this is it, I'm finally dying, oh well.

deb tells me that death is usually preceded by difficulty ralking and eating.

yesterday we visit friends in the hills. deb says I was awake and  talkin. nobody claimed I'm not eating so

no warning signs there

so... so far so good :-)

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

future view

I cast my mind forward.Just a year or two, into my own future, 

what I see is an empty room.

 not very exciting.  rather gloomy and off putting,  in fact. 

no no wonder people invent an after- life. 

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

brunch

We decide to go to Kings Park for brunch -- it's a beautiful day, too nice to stay at home :-)

Of course it's possible that my constant sleeping is the final, expected, stage of dropping dead... we put that thought aside and enjoy brunch. But I delay this post till I'm safely home :-)

Ha! it'll never happen :-)

till it does...

... 

Dr Nick Lethbridge... Churchlands

  Agamedes Consulting ... dexitroboper(*):

================

6 Thornbill Way  /  0419197772

http://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com
dying for you to read it :-)

and ranting: My Three Rs

no comment !

I thought I was sleeping soundly at night

... but I've also been sleeping all day. feeling very tired. taken me all day to type just this short note. 

don't expect any exciting posts :-)

I walk okay, slow but steady.

tho last night I just looked at four steps and decided... no way.

s

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772