where am i? why?

I'm at home sitting in bed.

medical opinion is that  I am too weak to stand by myself, too weak to walk alone. so I stay in bed.

no new physical damage, cancer or other.

physical status :

comfortable. very weak

mentally not at all sharp.

don't expect answers to emails, sorry :-(

emotionally a bit flat but fine... looked after by deb, 

 family close, occasional visits

 Imminent death still definite

only reason to leave home will be if I'm too much of a burden on Deb.

date of death still unknown

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

(1)

Random memories  for  the  past months,

began with alot of sleeping 

ten hours  per day 

accompanied by  pigs

jolly  pink, fat, jolly porkers, friendly,  warm, comfortable. 

Why pigs? No idea.

They wandered off.

Next few nights, no pigs,

 but not peaceful. 

Explosions, volcanoes,  earthquakes exploding everywhere. 

Bonfires. I step out onto the top where it is not actively  burning.

I spread my arms and shout: I am  going  to  die.

No response. Everyone  knows this.

New dream scene. Pink, fluffy clouds, harp music. I say that I  would  prefer  piano music.

Now I  am  sitting  by the window, watching the rain and sunshine. 

Very pleasant , very relaxing. 

I can barely  be bothered  moving. Mental exhaustion more than physical. No great change  to physical status. 

Nothing  new due to cancer. Just can't  be  bothered, which  may  be  depression.

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

sleep comes before all else.

tomorrow  I shall try a proper post.

meanwhile...

no physical change

...just mental exhaustion :-( which is bad enough

can barely be bothered walking

walking is tiring bt stable, mostly

I may stumble but don't fall

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

stability

the corridor does seem less stable and narrower

not 

bad enough.... yet... to stop my regular night trips to the toilet.

last night I fall over leaving the toilet. miss my grip on the trolley 

I 'm more careful later, no trouble.

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

casual with cancer

I try to not panic over having 

terminal cancer helps that I forget about it.

or at least, cancer is not central to my life. so it does not affect me strongly.

this morning I work my way through key stages: 

fun run, collapse

surgery, etc... yes, memories are all there but I ignore them. sometimes deliberately.

I do not always belelieve I have cancer. so easy to say I'm coping..

today 22jul25:

tired, rest / sleep all day

vision blurred. as expected by tumour growing back. roughly   wehere it was but now twice as large

this tumour causes problems just by existence, it pushes the brain around.

other tumour is killing me by spreading through brain stem. this will kill me by failing to,keep heart ands lungs working.

one of these is also allecting thinking In general 

my brain, intellect is having difficulty.

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

reading writing

my new tumour is twice as large as the original but in just about the game location. so my vision is different and  warped and the keyboard is hard to track. oh... and my brain wanders

if you want an answer by email... make it up

it will be as good as I could do :-)

otherwise, I'm feeling fine. cheerful, with still no pain

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772
   

this morning I wake up from a nightmare.

the nightmare is that i qm waking from a nightmare,

the deeper nightmare has everyone, me too, dying a messy death from cancer.

I decide that I am finally awake and ask  deb, are we all dying from cancer?

on course we are. don't you remember, you have had terminal cancer for seven years.

it'll be months yet before you die.

this is deb so I am reassured. 

I go back to peaceful sleep for  hours.

ps I am still alive...

nb I am still well aware that I have terminal cancer :-)

.. Dr Nick Lethbridge ... dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting... Churchlands WA


... you provide data and facts ... I return solutions, and possibilities and ADVICE


6 Thornbill Way / 0419197772