Feeling good :-)
Over the last few weeks I may have reached a peak of emotional well-being, a cheerful expectation that all will be well for several more years. I do have to be careful: too much denial may lead to a serious reaction when reality hits.
Reality did rear its ugly head -- sort of -- a week ago. I feel the slight twinges of worry... with my next scan due in a month. Two months being clear of cancer, one month of worry. One worry *week* would be plenty but I seem to have started a bit early.
Mentally, I have been thinking as clearly as ever. Or, failing to see the clear signs of decline, through the blinding haze of advanced dementia. Either way, my mind seems to be working okay.
The daily crossword is finished over lunch. I manage to complete the previously impossible Sunday "super" cryptic. I'm coding an app for mobile phones. The most significant point is, I feel the enthusiasm to do these things ! Sure, I still sit and read and play games... but I also want to do more.
Books & games & crosswords occupy the mind. They cover up boredom. The phone app provides satisfaction. It actually *kills* boredom. "Boredom" is perhaps not quite the right word. More, the wish to do something "meaningful", to do something *mentally challenging* which is of benefit to myself and to others.
I don't want to *help* people... I want to exercise my brain to create something which can then be *used* to help people.
This not-really-boredom has been a problem for years. Now, while the brain is still working, I have three months at a time in which to tackle whatever it is that I want to tackle. And I have the enthusiasm to try it.
Physically, I am well. Still working on the fitness. Wondering what will happen when the next round of treatment knocks my fitness back a few years. Will I get back the enthusiasm to try again ? Who knows ! It's an interesting question, to be answered when the time comes. Assuming, that is, that there will be another bout of treatment -- followed by another period of recovery...
That's the sort of pre-scan gloomy thinking which is pointless. Time enough to worry when I actually have something to worry about :-) (Wow ! I had to fight hard to not type, Something about which to worry. Still the pedant.)
And on the bright side:
Forget discontent, this has been the Winter of our continuous colds. My latest one has me aching and wanting to just lie down and sleep. Till I finally succumb to the lure of drugs -- and swallow two Nurofen. The relief is amazing !
And the bright side ? I have no trouble swallowing the pills ! For years, I could not swallow a pill. It would stay in my mouth, no matter how much water I drank. I was reduced to soluble tablets, so I took the easy option and avoided all drugs.
After months of toxic, swallow quickly, do not chew, six at a time chemo tablets -- these Nurofen are easy. I just have time to taste the sugar coating -- and they are swallowed. So easy ! And that's something to be glad about :-)
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This weekend I am particularly keen to not be disabled by a cold.
Saturday afternoon is orienteering. I'm slow but can jog the 5km course. Evening, it's a card game, I'm up very late and even win a few dollars. Sunday afternoon is a high school reunion.
I was at the school for only two years, there are only a few people I remember, none that I have met since school. (That's my excuse. With my memory for people I could have attended all five years, joined them for lunch every week since and still forgotten most fellow students.) But fifty years seems well worth celebrating.
There are interesting people. Friendly people. Interesting conversations. Two people that I do remember and am glad to have not seen for fifty years. Others that I am glad to have met. All supported by excellent food.
I leave early but am glad that I went.
And in keeping with the theme of this blog: no one asked, So, have you had cancer lately ? A useful reminder that one man's disease is not the centre of the real universe :-)
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And now: back to activities other than blogging. Which is, after all, just one part of what I enjoy doing.
Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
... Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
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"If money won't make you happy, you won't like poverty either." … Ginger Meggs
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School reunions. Yep they are interesting .
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