image in this

This blog is a lot of words... lots and lots of words. That's my style :-)

There have been (I think) two photos (maybe three), both (or all!) of the top/back of my head. Showing the original scar then the blank area where hair was burnt off by radiation treatment.

Time for another photo!

Yes, again, it's the top/back of my head :-)

Trace of the scar, nicely healed. Hair... well... that's all there is. For the last couple of months -- since soon after the start of the latest chemo -- that's all the hair that I can grow. Interesting point one: the face is similarly smooth. Very convenient, no need to shave.

Interesting point two: The hair has fallen out on my head, not my body. In fact -- now I look at the photo -- there is a light fringe starting on my neck. Messy :-( I may have to try to remove that fringe, it looks silly. Trouble is... I can't see it to remove it ! Back of my head... in case I'm not being clear, I can't see it, don't usually worry about it.

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And now for something completely different: the result of a dream.

Two dreams, in fact. The first involved a bright red sports car. A bit like a Cobra, with a long, low bonnet area in front of the car. Yes, I once owned a Cobra -- but blue & white, not red. The long, low bonnet is packed with a V8 engine. Oh yeah :-)

In the dream there is a bright red car. With a long, low bonnet. Then the bonnet develops a lump in the middle. That's interesting (I think, in the dream) the car is pregnant. It's going to have a baby car.

Nope, no idea what it means. Unless I have a deep-seated desire to own and drive another Cobra... or two :-)

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Then I saw a photo -- in another dream. It was a photo very much like this:

"Self … Reflection"

Yes, the caption came with the dream.

Very deep, very meaningful. I have no idea what the meaning is.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

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"Why be difficult? Be impossible." … Ginger Meggs

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Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/ :-)

time to be gloomy !

This is a somewhat gloomy topic: approaching death then dying. Not to worry -- it's just topics to be considered.

A few months back my cousin died. Rather quickly and (for me) unexpectedly. Despite the rush, his immediate family gathered -- one from half way round the world -- with time to say goodbye. His wife, now widow, was glad of that. Which made me think...

Do I want my family round my bedside watching me die?

I mentioned this to Deb. Thought about it. No, not really, I told Deb. No need for the family to watch me die.

We're lucky, our kids live close, close enough that we see them most weekends. No need for a final -- at the final knell -- farewell. I'm sure there will be hugs and warm (but manly) handshakes when it seems certain that I'm nearly dead. If I need more comfort than that then it's probably painkillers that I need rather than emotional comfort.

If anyone wants to be there, okay. Anyone who doesn't want to watch, okay. Your choice, whatever will make you feel better. If I grizzle, that's just me. Then I die and all is forgiven … forgotten … no longer relevant.

Deb, though, will need looking after. Others, to their needs. Then get on with living.

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But what about final words? What if I have some last-minute wisdom to leave to the world? Well, if I haven't covered it in 400-plus pages of blog, too bad. And if you didn't listen to my words of wisdom the first half-dozen times, too bad again :-)

I know that I would not like to watch someone die. I can grieve quite adequately without having been an actual witness. And when it comes to the point, I'm sure I'll be able to die with or without company.

If it turns out to be messy or painful or prolonged, I expect that I would rather not have witnesses. Though I'm not there yet, so I can't be absolutely sure...

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Why document this today? I was checking the ABC news site and it lead to several articles about people dying. Dying at home was the theme, that's another iffy point...

If I have any say in it, I'd like to be at home for as long as possible. The actual death, it doesn't really matter.

How would Deb like it if I die in the marital bed? Yuk! (Hint to kids: a new bed may be a good present.)

If I *can* have a say, dying at home sounds good -- for me. If I'm past sensible conversation -- it doesn't matter where I die. Anyway, as long as death is really really close, I doubt that I will really care about where I am.

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Then the articles lead to discussion of what people want for their last gasps. Do I (for example) want to be resuscitated if I am nothing more than a drooling vegetable? (Not really.) I download a "living will" form (it has a different name, I forget what). I read through the form. With no intention of filling it in. (Not yet, anyway!)

And you know what? I now feel quite cheerful. Just like writing this blog: I consider the facts, the options -- and feel better for having considered "the worst". So much better that I stop lying around and start doing things.

Of course it could be that I've rested long enough... Even I can't sleep all day and every day... Time to stop claiming post-chemo exhaustion :-)

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And now our aged cat has peed on the floor. Sheesh! so much for my attempt at good cheer. Sigh...

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"Why be difficult? Be impossible." … Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/ :-)

clearing the air

Another week of … this and that. Nothing major but quite busy. Time to document as much as I remember.

It's a comic strip that cements my view of farting. I've had weeks' of excessive farting, I blame it on drug side-effects, change of taste and change of diet... The last (I now believe) is part of the truth.

I don't (during and after the chemo week) enjoy tea or coffee. Water tastes odd. A TV show makes me think, yes, possibly a "metallic" taste. If I let tea cool a bit before adding milk, that helps. Milk drinks -- taste good. Lots of milk, plus sugar? Whatever, I drink a lot more flavoured milk.

I begin to suspect that milk is causing flatulence...

Then a daily comic strip links cows, flatulence, lactose intolerance. Bingo!

I am gradually recovering my normal taste sensations. Drinking more tea, coffee, water -- and less milk. And there is less flatulence. Back to normal, almost acceptable levels :-)

My analysis: I may not be "lactose intolerant" -- to normal levels of drinking milk. Drink several containers of flavoured milk each day -- and my digestion rebels. Lesson learnt! Though if I'm thirsty -- I still like to drink flavoured milk... be warned :-)

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Feet and fingers: The soles of my feet have tingled, probably since my first chemo, twelve months' back. The recent chemo has made it worse. Fingertips and toes do more than tingle, they itch, and are sensitive. I need to be careful opening a jar (for example) because it hurts my fingertips. (I was completely wrong on the possible cause when this first happened.)

Anyway, it's trivial. When I say "it hurts", I mean that it's a very minor pain, avoided by use of more palm than fingertip. The fingers are a constant reminder of not being 100% okay. Itchy toes come and go.

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Going back a bit... We stop for lunch on the rogaine -- and I can barely eat. Serious pain as I bite. Still, I eat -- suck and absorb :-) most of my lunch. Monday, it's a urgent trip to the dentist.

The dentist cleans under an implant. Can't see any obvious problem. Suggests a minor gum infection. The pain eases -- but is replaced by a nasty ache. I can eat, very carefully. The ache doesn't get worse... nor better.

Friday, back to the dentist. He taps my teeth. Applies dry ice. I fail to jump. I remind him that I have never been sensitive to dry ice. The ache persists. Do I have a bad bite? Out with the carbon paper... No, no sign of mismatched teeth grinding.

There's a live tooth -- a rarity in my mouth -- next to the ache. It has a crown. Neither of us want to drill through the crown to check the nerve. The dentist prods the jaw muscle going up from the ache... Does that hurt? he asks. No. And then: He pushes near the top of that muscle... That's better! I say.

I may have been grinding my teeth -- and caused a "cramp" in a jaw muscle. I rub, I stretch, I move my jaw -- and the ache fades. Okay, there's still (days later) a very minor ache. It comes and goes. It does not affect my eating. Problem solved -- with a nice, simple solution.

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And then… it's election day. (For those who came in late: Vote [1] for Nick for HEMP. We don't expect to win a seat. We are not disappointed :-)

My "campaigning" is limited to a blog and emails. Emails are mostly in response to lobby groups who want me to swear allegiance to their cause. Most of their emails are polite, informative and... well... an eye-opener to someone who has never really thought about political issues.

Saturday, I actually meet my co-HEMP campaigner, he's over from SA. We hold a few hemp banners and chat a lot. An interesting day.

Sunday, Deb runs a 12km fun run, I walk the 4km fun "walk". Of course we both do well :-) It's tiring but satisfying.

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Monday I sleep all day. I may not have done much electioneering but it did keep me awake. Now I can relax. Tuesday, more sleep. Interspersed with helping Deb mind our grandson, that's fun.

Today, Wednesday, I start by resting & reading... Till I suddenly sit up, feeling ready to "do something". Okay, I'm now well and truly rested ! It's a series of web reports which make me think, time to get up and do. More on that later, hopefully in a blog post later today...

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"Why be difficult? Be impossible." … Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/ :-)

minor correction

Did I say -- a week or two back -- "intubated"? Okay, I know I did. But no, I was not "intubated"... I was "cannulated". Different size bit of hollow pasta shoved in a different place. Neither to be recommended :-)

====    Dr Nick Lethbridge  /  Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems? Solved.
===

"Like all men of power, when he talked of prices worth paying, you could be sure of one thing. Someone else was paying." … Takeshi Kovacs in Altered Carbon
===

dying for you to read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au :-)
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nothing to report :-)

A quick summary: nothing much has happened! And that is... good :-)

Okay, Deb & I do spend a night in a rather nice cottage in Wandering. Just ten minutes drive from the Saturday rogaine. We walk 11km on the rogaine -- I could go a bit further, Deb could go twice as far and more -- then we leave very early. We are home, going to bed, Deb comments, The rogaine is still going!

Mind you we do win our category: mixed m/f team with all members over 65 y.o. Which makes me realise: I may be unfit but other people my age may be even less fit. Not a fair place to make such calls... there is only one other team in our category. Which may say something else about just turning up :-)

One final IV on Monday... but... The doc says, You are certainly consistent. Yes, my "blood levels" are so low that the final IV is cancelled. Which is, I guess, good and bad. White cells at 0.5, been there before and recovered. Clotting stuff at 42, watch out for bruising, she says.

Interesting... I've noticed that some of my toenails are shading towards black. Usually a sign of excessive walking or running in ill-fitting shoes -- but I've barely walked let alone run anywhere. Perhaps my toenails have been bruising just from gentle walking?

And another thing: I have sensitive tips of fingers which I had blamed on the sandpaper non-slip floor of a swimming pool. But no... it seems to be a side-effect of chemo because it's back. Better than being numb, I'm told. And it's fading. Slowly.

You know how you sometimes see something out the corner of your eyes but, turn to look, nothing there? In SF it usually turns out to be an alien. Recently I've noticed a lot of that (the somethings, not the aliens)... I thiiiink it's nothing... really... Worried for nothing? Yep, chemo has finished and it's time to worry about the next scans. That'll be June. Which is surprisingly close...

Deb has just arrived home. I mention my bruised toenail theory, get the required sympathy. All good :-)

And, yes, all is good.  Time now to recover from chemo. And if the  scans show something, well, deal with that if it happens :-)

Ah. Yes. My "current status" is dated Dec 2018. I'll update it after the next scans. Meanwhile: not too bad :-)

====    Dr Nick Lethbridge  /  Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems? Solved.
===

"Like all men of power, when he talked of prices worth paying, you could be sure of one thing. Someone else was paying." … Takeshi Kovacs in Altered Carbon
===

dying for you to read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au :-)
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some high & low lights

just one short iv drip this week, no problems. my white cell count is 5.1, good. platelets (?) are a bit low but acceptable. so i get the monday bleomycin drip.

and sleep a lot.

over the past week or so:

the usual restless sleeping. wake every hour or two to pee. wake up damp with sweat. i'm learning to wake up damp rather than sleeping till i'm soaking, so that's good :-) the cancer doc offers a drug or two against sweating, i decline. i've been a sweaty sleeper -- whenever i'm feeling a bit crook -- for at least 30 years, seems a bit late to worry now.

i've also spent many years as a snorer. a very occasional snorer. deb tells me that i talk more than i snore. this last week i snore... a lot... especially when i lie on my side facing deb. so i try to face the other way. does it help? not sure, my snoring doesn't (often) wake me up. my guess: i'm bloating with fluid retention, sinus area is also bloating, something there does feel full of fluid (ok, snot), it causes me to snore. somehow.

my appetite is affected, a lot of food tastes odd. can't finish a cup of tea or coffee. my digestion works well but with a lot of farting. when i sleep i turn away from deb due to my snoring, not sure if she would rather i turn back to point the farting away... hmmm.

this week: i have stopped bloating, even lost a couple of kilos. the sinus is now feeling clear, empty. deb tells me i'm no longer snoring. appetite is still not normal but farting has stopped... well, is back to normal levels :-) phew... lucky deb!

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one more drip then it will be time for my regular scans.

i check the email from the cancer doc secretary, to add the scan date to my diary. she has booked me for the wrong type of scan. sheesh, lucky i look. i've replied, saying eh?! get it sorted out... that'll be june sometime for both scans. almost time to start worrying :-)

====    Dr Nick Lethbridge  /  Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems? Solved.
===

"Life is like riding a bicycle. When you fall off you get right back on  and wobble into traffic, causing jams by getting in the way of more successful people who own cars." … Pardon my Planet
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dying for you to read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au :-)
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a long slow week

It's been a long, slow week... Week one of the third -- and last :-) -- 3-week cycle of chemo. Similar to the first two "week ones", with some minor differences...

Similar: Five days in a row, "intubated" -- connected to an IV drip for 3 or 4 hours. What a way to spend each afternoon :-( With a lot of sleeping in between, it's strangely tiring. Not much trouble, though. Okay, on two days it takes three tries to get the tube settled but it that's not a great worry. Once in, the IV tubes stay in.

The back of my left hand gets most of the tubes, on Sunday there's some bruising -- I don't usually bruise -- it's almost faded now.

The usual messing with my taste buds: water tastes flat, food tastes odd. I still eat plenty. Tea and coffee, I just can't enjoy the full cup. Iced coffee -- with milk and sugar -- is good.

One terrible taste problem: I eat some Easter-egg chocolate... and am left with a rather unpleasant taste in my mouth :-( Guess I'll leave the rest of that egg till later.

As usual I gain two kilos per day -- fluid retention -- but only for the first four days. Then I *lose* a kilo each day! Am I finally losing weight due to chemo :-? Still well over a healthy weight, though.

Saturday, I have an injection. It can be self-injected... as if! No way I could stick a needle in my stomach :-( Can the blood collection person inject as well as extract? No. A pharmacist? No. I'm booked in at the clinic anyway but not till 1:30pm.

We phone the clinic. They say, No, 11:30am. 11:30!? The hand-written appointment form definitely says, 13:30. Oh well.

We drive to the clinic for 11:30. Wait an hour... for a two-minute jab. Okay, it's easy, it's done, that should be the last one I need.

Saturday, Deb goes for a 10km run, she's entered in a 12km fun run in a few weeks' time. I register for the 4km walk.

Sunday, we walk 2.5km beside the lake, I'm exhausted. 4km fun run? Hmmm. Rogaine this coming weekend? It'll be very short :-)

Rest of the week: A half hour of IV this Monday and the next. If I follow the pattern, my "blood counts" will be dropping and my energy levels will be climbing. Nothing to worry about, getting better every day :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

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"Leaders are visionaries with a poorly developed sense of fear and no concept of the odds against them." … Robert Jarvik

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Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/ :-)