re: death

I read this quote in a book, a fantasy romance:

Peace, peace! he is not dead, he doth not sleep,

He hath awaken'd from the dream of life;

... Percy Bysshe Shelley,

Adonais: An Elegy on the Death of John Keats

Blog-relevant, perhaps. Rather sweet (as was the book it was quoted in) -- yet completely at odds with my own thinking. The poem is comfort for the living, a comfort for the dying who believe in an afterlife. To me, dead is dead. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't expect to need comforting after it. But it's a nice thought in a sweet book :-)

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Yes, I'm back on the cancer topic! It's been so long, I may be repeating. I won't know, I don't re-read.

This story -- old as it is -- needs to be told:

Before each MRI scan I need a blood test, to test my kidney function. The scan starts with drip feed of a "contrast", which I guess shows up whatever the scan is scanning for. My kidneys need to be working well enough to clear the contrast from my blood after the scan.

I'm sitting in the big chair, waiting for the blood-sucking needle. The needle operator is filling in a necessary form, to record the blood sample.

"Can you spell your name," she asks.

"Yes," I reply.

And then I quickly start spelling. This is not the time to confuse or upset a needle operator.

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I'm scanned, PET.

"Have you injured your shoulder since the last scan?" asks the PET doctor. "There are signs of injury."

"Oh," I reply, "That would be my RSI, from computing."

Wow! visible muscle damage from using a computer! Perhaps I should compute less.

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The usual post-scan conversation with the cancer doc.

"How are you?"

"You tell me."

"All clear."

We smile, make small talk. The doc politely looks at some of our photos from Scotland.

Deb & I carry on... vastly relieved. Another three months with "no" cancer :-)

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Since then, we've been to Scotland. Seen the Edinburgh Tattoo.

We've spent a few days in Bridgetown. Very peaceful, very enjoyable.

We've started planning for our next holiday... which will be after the next scans. Our planning horizon -- now built into a holiday-planning spreadsheet -- is from today up to Friday 11th November 2022. Plenty of time to enjoy :-)

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Last weekend... we run in a 10km fun run. Run? Well, jog. A beautiful day for a run, we enjoy it.

I am ahead -- of Deb -- for most of the run. I suspect that she stays behind -- where she can see me -- so that she can catch a ride in my ambulance if I fall over. I don't fall over :-)

A km from the end, Deb catches up with me. Then she draws ahead. I can't keep up! Deb finishes ten seconds ahead of me :-( Oh well.

Our next target run is a month away. Luckily, we have a training plan. Deb follows the plan, I follow Deb.

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My tingly/numb feet seem to have settled down -- to numb soles and toes. When I dry between my toes, for example, I have to look, to see if I am really drying between my toes. Apart from being annoying, it has no effect on what I can do. In fact, the numbness is less noticeable when I run.

My very minor asthma is back -- when I'm doing nothing much. It's years since it's been so noticeable. As ever, it clears once I start running.

I'm fit enough, healthy enough -- happy enough -- to be thinking of sex. Only at appropriate times, of course, ie all the time. Still not much physical response to the thoughts :-(

There's a black & ominous cloud on the far horizon, I barely notice it. There are flashes of feeling sad, still mostly a worry about Deb. The worry stays though the sadness fades quickly. Deb may be more worried than me.

I'm enjoying life :-) And I have till early next year to live in blissful ignorance. After that... I try to not form an expectation. Neither good nor bad. Just, take it as it comes.

===     Dr Nick Lethbridge  /  Consulting Dexitroboper
             Agamedes Consulting / Problems? Solved.

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"It's no use having a good memory if you have no good memories." … per Ginger Meggs"
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dying for you to read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au :-)
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