feeling better :-)

I've had more than a month of feeling gloomy. Not a physical thing, just emotional. I have slogged through a Slough of Despond...

Yes, I once read some of Pilgrim's Progress :-) An English version in a Spanish b&b. It's a very heavy-handed moral fable. All I gained from it was... the rather neat phrase, Slough of Despond. Which I may have used in a much earlier post. Anyway.

My last scan was in September and clear. A few weeks later and I passed three years since cancer diagnosis. With my brain cancer, 50% die within 18 months of diagnosis. So I'm laughing... and not.

Part of my problem is Deb. Before the scan she was obviously worried but not admitting it. After the scan she was so relieved that the mood change was obvious. So I worry about and for Deb.

I worry about Deb being worried. My own impending death is less real so it gets less worry. Still, in the Slough... let's call it the SoD... I would get flashes of worry, of I'm gonna die! Still flashes but more often and more worrying than usual.

I enjoy catching up with people but I lacked enthusiasm for getting in touch.

Physically... unfit and infected. That first is annoying rather than worrying. The second is both worrying and embarrassing. More on that later.

One set of drugs was said to, possibly, reduce lung capacity. I think it has. Running up hills is hard work. I used to run 10% further or faster than Deb, in my SoD I had trouble running as far/fast as Deb. This dug my Slough even deeper.

I spend far too much of my time indoors, sitting. Reading or playing World of Warcraft. Or writing code for a phone app. I can feel my body getting old and weak and stiff. Yet I have lacked any enthusiasm for being active. Except for running: I run because (and only because) Deb runs.

And that infection: the end of my penis has a patch of red and is overly sensitive. That very small problem dug me surprisingly deep into the SoD.

So I spent many weeks in the Slough of Despond :-(

And now I am out :-)

Start with the infection. I visited the GP... embarrassing? Oh yeah. She (yes, she) was very good. Very professional. She took a swab... too professional for me to be embarrassed. Anyway, the embarrassment lasted only until I had named the problem.

Now I am halfway through a course of antibiotics, capsules and cream. I failed to swallow the first capsules -- I have trouble with pills -- so now I open them up and swallow the contents with yoghurt. Terrible flavour, it really spoils the yoghurt.

You'd think that rubbing cream onto the end of my penis would be fun. Well, no.

So I'm halfway through the antibiotics. As far as I can tell, no change. But you know what? Just doing something about it -- and sharing the problem -- makes me feel so much better.

After seeing the doc I even told Deb why I had visited the GP. Yep, I had been too embarrassed to mention it, before. Now my only worry is that I may need to admit to having an STD... though it would need to be one which can incubate for many decades.

It has to be said... I have a poison pen-is...

All that time sitting at a PC? I have passed my app development to professionals. I reached my coding skill limit so I am paying professionals. That reduces the time I spend sitting & coding.

I still spend a lot of time playing WoW. And reading. No extra outdoor activity. But I feel better for taking action on my app.

I prefer books to movies but I have watched some Mandalorian on the PC. It's okay. The PC sound failed but that has now been fixed, so I can even hear what they are saying. And I can play music -- all of our CDs are ripped and stored on the PC. All good :-)

Fitness? Over a couple of km I can now beat Deb. She is still better at endurance. We jogged... walked 12km round the Ghost Trail at Yanchep, we both ended tired but I had more trouble keeping going.

Tonight... we both ran the Moon Shadow trail run. It was excellent :-)  A night run with occasional views across the city. I did the longer course, nearly 7km, with hills. I finished! Not easily but at a reasonable pace. I was very pleased. Deb could have done the same course -- but preferred to run the 4km flatter course. Where she did very well -- and enjoyed the run.

So we had a very enjoyable evening. We finished with KFC for a late dinner. I have had the urge for KFC for a couple of weeks. Now the urge is satisfied... gone. It was disgusting.

The trail run was the final ... what's the positive version of the final straw? Whatever. I am out of that Slough of Despond :-)  Finally have the enthusiasm for blogging. So -- late at night, can't sleep -- here it is.

Mental: still working.

Physical: slow but acceptable.

Emotional: out of the depths and back to normal. Or "normal".

I think that I can blame most of my "issues" -- especially the physical -- on getting old. And that -- to me -- is a good thing :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

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"My science homework ate my dog." ... per Ginger Meggs

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Dying for you to read my blog, at https: // notdotdeaddotyet .blogspot. com. au/ :-)