why so much uncertainty?

Well, I woke up and thought, That's why there is no more definite answer! Sure, it's 4am.... but what better time to post to this blog?!

The question is: Why is there so much uncertainty about my current life expectancy?

I have GBM -- glioblastoma multiforme. This is a form of brain cancer, I have had a tumour removed from my brain. According to Wikipedia, "The most common length of survival following diagnosis is 12 to 15 months, with fewer than 3% to 5% of people surviving longer than five years."

Okay, I've set a personal planning horizon to three years plus one calendar month plus an unknown number of days... This works better -- for me & for Deb -- than simply saying, I'm gonna die!

But why are doctors not telling me, You're gonna die!

Incidentally: I misread that Wikipedia article. I must have looked at the image of a tumour -- my type of tumour -- in a "15-year-old male". I had the impression that GBM should hit early in life. That I'm lucky that it hit me so late... Well, no: "It most often begins around 64 years of age and occurs more commonly in males than females." 64, 65? Close enough... I'm right in the target zone :-)

Anyway, why are doctors not being specific about my life expectancy? Is there so much uncertainty? I hope they are not simply glossing over the truth. Bad enough that *I* do that...

Then I woke up and thought, Perhaps it needs a second look?

So here are my thoughts... today... right or wrong. Supported by an analogy, of course:

You come home from holiday and find that couch grass has invaded your garden. (Couch grass... that's the analogy for my brain tumour. In the "garden" of my brain.)

You pull up as much of the couch grass as you can see. (Brain surgery to remove the visible tumour.) You would like to clear the entire garden with a back-hoe -- but that would kill every other living plant as well. (Too much surgical cutting would destroy my brain.) You pull out as much couch as you can -- without damaging the surrounding non-couch plants.

Will the couch grass return? Probably, yes. How soon before your garden will, again, be overgrown with couch? Hard to tell... It all depends on how many couch grass runners are still hidden in the garden. There may be lots of runners near where you have been digging -- but hidden, deeper in the soil. There may be runners scattered round the garden -- away from your digging -- just waiting for the opportunity to start growing.

(See the analogy? There could be lots of GBM cells hidden, or too small to see, near the now-removed tumour. Other cancerous GBM cells could be scattered round the brain. In unexpected places.)

Then there's the weather... and the soil... and other unknown factors. Birds? worms? insects? wellington boots? seeds amongst the more-visible runners? It's hard to know exactly what spreads couch grass, or why it suddenly decides to grow very quickly in one area. (And, yes, it's the same with GBM. There are a lot of unknowns in its causes and reasons for growth.)

It's very hard to predict -- just from the one observation -- just where and when the couch grass will grow back. It's hard to predict just when your garden will be overgrown. Overgrown again, that is. So you do your best -- you start spraying. Selectively... You don't really want to kill every other plant in your garden.

(This is where I'm at now: spraying... Except that the GBM version is radiation and chemotherapy. Very careful targeting of known areas of GBM. Very selective application of the GBM "weedicide". Still not sure where or when a tumour will reappear.)

Six weeks' later... and you take another, very careful look around your garden. Is there another couch invasion? How quickly has it appeared? Where is it? in an isolated corner or near your most valuable, most delicate flowering plants? And that is what I am waiting on...

(Six weeks' later, I am waiting on another brain scan. My brain is out of sight, a scan is needed to look for tumours. What will be found? After six weeks' of treatment -- will a tumour have regrown? will new tumours be popping up all over my brain? how close to essential and valuable areas of brain will new tumours be appearing?! End of analogy...)

A GBM tumour grew in my brain. It has been surgically removed. Will it regrow? quickly or slowly? in the same location or somewhere else? One look inside the brain is not enough to tell, not with any certainty.

Chemoradiotherapy is intended to slow down regrowth. To prevent spreading, to limit the growth of new cancerous tumours. Is it working? Can't tell -- not without looking.

So, I'm having six weeks' of chemoradiotherapy. Then there will be a brain scan. What will it show?

If there are new tumours popping up all over the place -- then I'm doomed. If my brain looks all clear of tumours -- then something is working and I will continue with preventative chemoradiotherapy. What will be the actual situation? All will be revealed -- by the next brain scan... And at that point -- there will be more certainty.

At least, that's the way that I now understand it!

A bit of looking inside my brain, a few scans offering various views of my brain -- not enough to know what will happen over time. I -- the doctors -- need a second set of scans:

What is changing over time? Is it fast or slow? Localised or widespread? The six-week *rate of change* will indicate the future rate of change. Which will, in turn, indicate the rate at which my GBM will be attacking my brain.

A period of treatment... a second snapshot... then a better understanding of the future. With more certainty in my prognosis, in my (still statistical but more certain) life expectancy.

That is my new & current understanding. Right or wrong :-)

Another four weeks' of chemoradiotherapy, another brain scan... and I will know more.

Till then... Keep spraying for weeds. And be glad that the rest of the garden is still growing as well as ever :-)

=======

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
=======

​"No one said they wanted faster horses, they wanted less horseshit." … no, not said by Henry Ford

====

Now much more than a clever name for a holiday journal:

 https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/  :-)

thoughts on euthanasia

No -- I'm not thinking of euthanasia for myself!

Not here, not now. No need, no interest. It's just that having an aggressive cancer makes me think of these things. Being who I am makes me write about these things. This is the blog for all of my life-and-death-related writings. So, euthanasia:

I am a strong supporter of euthanasia. I believe that any person -- adult, capable of making informed decisions -- should have the right to end their own life. Or not. By their own choice.

Step One: register your intent.

Go to the RBDE&M -- the Registrar of Births, Deaths, Euthanasia and Marriages -- and record your intent to be euthanased. RBDE&M have several roles:

... They record your intent and pass the information to your GP. The GP may then provide advice or counselling or support, as required.

... They keep in touch with you to ensure that you do not suddenly disappear to the locked garret of the family mansion.

... They may inform police that, although you are dead, you are not currently recorded as planning for your own euthanasia.

Step Two: your intent is confirmed by your GP.

... Your GP confirms that you appear to be of sound mind and not acting under external pressure.

... "Your GP" may, in fact, be a specialist in the euthanasia field.

... Your informed intent is recorded by RBDE&M.

Step Three: inform your next of kin.

Did I miss "step 2a: justify your own euthanasia"? No! Do you want to die? You have the right to die. It's your life, you may choose to end it. There is no need to justify your own decision. A good process will protect your choice. It will also protect some of the other people who may be affected. So:

Step Three: inform your next of kin.

"Next of kin" has a broad definition. Yes, it is your immediate family. It may also include groups of which you are a member. Groups which may -- for example -- see euthanasia as a being immoral. Especially if *allowing* euthanasia is also immoral. I'll cut to the chase and call these groups, "your church".

... Inform your immediate family. Allow them to support you -- or to reject you. While you are still alive to, in turn, support them. Or, at least, to answer questions.

... Inform your church. Gain their approval for your euthanasia.

... If you cannot gain approval from your church -- you must leave the church. You do not have the right to involve others in an act which they consider to be immoral.

... RBDE&M will support you if your church "refuses" to let you leave.

Step Four: prepare for euthanasia... and wait.

... Get the equipment for your euthanasia. Whatever is your choice as the means to end your own life. Other people may be involved. Euthanasia -- including assisted euthanasia -- is legal.

... And now: wait. There is always a compulsory cooling-off period!

Step Five: kill yourself.

"Kill yourself"? Isn't that just a bit blunt?! Well, yes, intentionally. Euthanasia is the act of choosing death over life. There is no return. Don't try to sugar-coat your decision. You have made your decision, you have followed the essential steps.

... Kill yourself.

You may do it yourself or you may be assisted. You may be alone or in company. Whatever form of euthanasia you choose: do it.

... Or: take yourself off the RBDE&M intent-to-be-euthanased list.

====

Believe it or not, this is what I think about while I'm enjoying a run this afternoon. I ran 5km yesterday, I run another 5km today. Today... it feels just a little bit harder... Yes, two days in a row is hard running :-)

The weather is beautiful. The park is beautiful. There are some late Spring flowers though not as many flowers as a few weeks ago.

I enjoy my run. And I think about the right of every person to be able to choose euthanasia. Or not.

No, I am not considering euthanasia for myself. However, I have no moral objections. I believe that euthanasia should be a universal right. An individual right. With individuals able to opt in... or not. Without compromising the moral standards of others.

You have a right to choose to die. You are under no obligation to explain your reasons. You have the responsibility to inform -- to help prepare -- your next of kin. You have no right to force anyone else to be involved in any action which they consider to be immoral.

Heavy stuff!

I hope my next post will be lighter :-)

=======

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
=======

​"No one said they wanted faster horses, they wanted less horseshit." … no, not said by Henry Ford

====

Now much more than a clever name for a holiday journal:

 https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/  :-)

routine improvement

Part of my morning routine is to step on the bathroom scales. I've done it for years, always at about the same stage of the morning. The time varies but it's always just woken up, nothing yet to eat, about to go downstairs. My weight also varies but usually within a couple of kilos. That's good enough for me.

My early response to cancer diagnosis -- and treatment -- was to gain five kg. I blame the appetite-enhancing steroid drugs :-) Now -- for the last week -- I seem to have stabilised.

Okay, I'm five kg above where I was for the last few years. Five to ten above my "ideal" weight. (My self-set ideal. I've not reached it in the ten years that it has been a target :-) The main point is: I seem to have stabilised.

It's all part of getting back to "normal".

My brain cancer (aka GBM) has very few symptoms. As far as I can tell, I am fit -- but get tired easily. Weeks of doing very little have made me less fit. There is no pain. No sign that the tumour has left a permanent tendency to collapse suddenly. There is no reason why I cannot regain some fitness.

I don't aim to run more marathons! Well, my approach to fitness has never included "stretch" goals, I prefer step-by-step improvement. My current aim is to get back to low-level running, perhaps a short organised trail run in the next few months. Leave the next marathon for a year... or two... into my three-year-plus planning schedule :-)

For today, I am happy that I seem to have stopped gaining weight. I shall -- slowly -- try to lose a few kilos. (It may never happen, I won't worry too much.)

And yesterday I went on a five km training run -- at a pace which would have been slow-but-acceptable back in July. Before "all this" began...

Okay, I could feel that I was pushing. Though I could also have run another 5km at the same pace. It was not fast but I never am. Just a slow but steady 5km jog, with plenty in reserve.

That run makes me feel less of being a bloke dying of cancer. More like a bloke living... with cancer. Slowed down by drugs & treatment & by my body fighting back. But not slowed down *in anticipation* of whatever will finally kill me.

Radiation & chemotherapy will keep me alive. Will also maintain my quality of life. Tumours will come back, brain scans will show that. Depending on future tumour sites my quality of life will drop, my life will end. For now -- weeks? months? -- I'm feeling fine-but-tired.

My life is busy. Cancer treatment does interrupt & change, suddenly. In between the interruptions, I'm trending back to normal... And I'm pleased :-)

=======

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
=======

​"No one said they wanted faster horses, they wanted less horseshit." … no, not said by Henry Ford

====

Now much more than a clever name for a holiday journal:

 https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/  :-)

morning routine

Mornings seem to be settling into a routine. No, rather, I'm fitting better into the essential morning routine: Certain things to be done each morning, I'm getting into the flow. Next, I suppose, the pattern will be so familiar that I'll be doing without thinking -- and then I'll mess it all up :-)

This morning, for example:

The alarm is set for 6am. I'd like to at least have the option of sleeping for an hour or two extra but radiation treatment is just after 8am, the morning schedule is set round that time.

Two alarms are set: the bedside clock-radio and the more portable tablet PC. I'm still an old man who gets up several times a night to go to the toilet. When I get up close to 5am, that's a good time: I take the tablet downstairs and leave the radio to wake Deb at six.

I leave a trail of lights switched on behind me. That's so that Deb can see that I was conscious enough to at least turn on lights :-) Also, if she does worry (which is less likely now than a month ago) Deb can get up and easily see that I am sitting downstairs in my usual spot, doing my usual stuff.

Downstairs, I take my chemotherapy pill. After a quick check of the spreadsheet that I printed just so that I know what I'm doing. Then I reset the tablet alarm for 30 minutes from now -- when I can start breakfast. Much simpler now that I've dropped the anti-nausea pill, that required a second half-hour non-eating wait.

Now I have a half hour at the PC, generally blogging. No use preparing breakfast in that time... it's too hard to not also eat it :-) If I time this right, I will have time to prepare breakfast before Deb gets downstairs. Then Deb takes over the kitchen for her own breakfast preparations -- including getting out my three with-breakfast pills.

Deb gets out those three pills. That way, she will know when we need more from the chemist. I recognise the pills by shape and size so don't need to check them off against a list. (The one chemo pill that I take by myself -- I still double-check the name against my list...)

Then I start eating. Since I'm slower both eating and getting ready, that timing will get us ready to go at about the same time.

There: the 30-minute alarm has just gone off. I can eat breakfast but I'll finish blogging first. The cat has wandered off, she has her own routine: I hear her meow upstairs, next to Deb... you can guess that Deb feeds the cat.

====

Timing for the morning routine is set by Deb's work and baby-sitting. With some adjustments for my radiation schedule, which will vary from week to week. Which also varies day by day... Some days we rush, other days I wait an hour at the radiation clinic. Today we will need to be there a bit earlier for a just-drop-in blood test.

Oh: the cat's routine is set entirely to suit the cat's stomach.

Each day is routine. The routine varies for each day...

=======

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
=======

​"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." ... Albert Einstein

====

Now much more than a clever name for a holiday journal:

 https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/  :-)

rain and paperwork and more in step

Monday morning and it's back to the radiation clinic.

Ten minutes being zapped, all very efficient. Although there is some disappointment: I see lights flashing but it is not x-rays hitting my brain... it's just, lights flashing. Not even flashing, really. As the zapper rotates around my head it hides the room lights. Then doesn't hide them -- which is when I see lights... Oh well.

Home by bus in what the Irish could call a misty morning: light rain, hardly worth worrying about... if you're in Ireland. The wind, though, means that the "mist" is unavoidable. My jacket keeps me dry, my trousers get damp, it's lucky all I have is cancer and not a cold :-)

I spend an hour or so writing letters. Real letters -- snailmail -- that is. To two people who handle snailmail better than email... though without a printer at home it will be even more days before they get these letters. Still, I enjoy the writing & the getting-it-onto-paper process. Just as well, since current circumstances mean that lots of people -- including these two -- get more letters than usual. I'm not sure if everyone wants regular updates -- too bad, I want to send them :-)

Then there is some more complicated paperwork:

My medical insurance fund has sent an email to tell me that a claim has been rejected. The email includes two reference numbers -- neither of which mean anything to me. All claims -- which I submit online -- are identified by the date & time of submission. Which is not in the rejected-claim email.

As far as I can tell -- there is no way to relate the rejected-claim email to the actual claim that I submitted.

Oh, wait, not quite true: There is a doctor's name. So I could look through every submission, looking for that name. Except that some claims were via a scanned copy of paper, others via an electronic page supplied by the provider. Some claims may have gone directly from the provider to the insurer... Too complicated for me! I open a chat window:

I am told the date and time of the submitted-but-rejected claim. The chat person -- employed by the insurer to help customers -- can't find any record of the last claim that I submitted. Nor can she tell me how to relate the reference numbers in the rejected-claim email to any information that I can access... It's a mess!

Finally... I recreate a claim that seems to have been submitted two days earlier. When I recreate it -- I can see that one of the submitted documents is now unreadable... I guess that it was also unreadable the first time. So I make notes on it to explain that this is a duplicate claim and resubmit a readable copy. And, for good measure -- resubmit the claim which I can see but which is apparently invisible to the insurer's employee...

I also add a suggestion that the claim system needs improving. Making a claim is very easy. Knowing which claim has then been rejected -- or accepted -- is very, very difficult.

Medical treatment is easy -- it's the paperwork which is the real challenge :-)

====

Then I phone the Minister for Health.

Have I mentioned my emails to the Minister? Asking for a meeting. I'm offering to solve all... well, one very small problem :-) A very helpful woman is able to tell me that my request is "under consideration".

aside: On the news this morning is a woman who represents disabled voters. There are, she complains, seventeen politicians whose offices she is unable to access. Neither ramps nor a lift, I guess. Does she get my sympathy? Well... The closest that *I* can get to the Minister for Health is the downstairs reception. That's a concierge, security door, lift, thirteen floors, reception... possibly more... between me and a politician.

But then... I'm not disabled. I'm just a voter :-)

Today I send a more specific email to the Minister. That's three. Let's see what happens...

====

Radiation treatment is at 9 o'clock this morning. Deb drops me off on her way to look after our grandson. I sit, read, drink coffee for an hour. Get radiated -- that's ten minutes. See the doctor, tell him that I've dropped the anti-nausea (and pro-constipation) drug. No worries, he says. I ask how I can tell where I should put anti-burn cream -- since I have no idea where on my head I'm being zapped. Don't worry, he says... if it turns red then add moisturiser. Which must be good advice since it's exactly what I plan to do :-)

I let Deb know that I'm done... and wait. While waiting, I suggest to front-desk staff at the clinic that the couch where I am sitting should be rotated 90 degrees to let me -- and others -- watch the car park for people picking them up. We'll put it in the suggestion box, they say. Twenty minutes later -- Deb picks me up and we spend the rest of the day being entertained by our grandson :-)

So treatment plus consultation takes 15 minutes spread over half an hour. With lots of waiting -- due entirely to our transport arrangements. All very easy -- but it takes up a lot of the morning.

And I have to remind myself: don't forget to do it all again tomorrow!

===

Now a small correction to yesterday's post: I wrote that my brother had put aside -- without reading -- my advice on "running without hurting". He *did* read it -- but has put it aside until he has time to try following the advice. So... we are slightly more in step:

I have read my brother's advice, on diet. He has read my advice on running. I have put his advice aside, he has put my advice aside. In step so far :-) But I have no intention of following the dietary advice. The underlying concepts are good but -- for reasons I explained yesterday -- I see no reason to change ten years of diet which is working well for me.

====

And now my sons are offering *real* miracle cures! "Supernatural Healings & Miracles" coming to town in November! A good backup plan, says one son! Second only to Facebook likes in terms of medical potency, says the other! I'm saved! I think...

Or perhaps I'll just give the chemoradiotherapy a few more weeks' trial :-)

=======

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
=======

​"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." ... Albert Einstein

====

Now much more than a clever name for a holiday journal:

 https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/  :-)

weekend wrap

It's just after 4am on Monday morning. I've spent half an hour lying in bed listening to Deb snoring. Deb snoring in a quiet and ladylike fashion, of course :-) I enjoy listening, it's a reminder that Deb is there, next to me. And I exaggerate: it was only ten minutes that Deb snored...

What a pleasure... knowing that Deb is there, and sleeping well. Or, at least, sleeping better. For a few weeks Deb seemed to spend far too much time lying awake, worrying. Now she seems to have accepted that she can both worry and sleep at night.

Deb turns over, breathes quietly without snoring. I'm awake, I've had about four hours' sleep. I'm thinking (always a mistake) that I as well get up and catch up with a weekend's worth of blogging. So... here I am.

Thinking back to... Saturday morning: and already the memories are fading... Let's see what I can remember:

Aha! Toy library! Yes, that was the first out-of-house experience for the day. Followed by a run. And I jogged -- very veeerrry slowly, but a definite jog -- 5km. Plus the usual warm-up and cool-down walks.

The weather is warm, I ran along easy tracks in the bush area. Took it easy, enjoyed myself. All very pleasant.

Home. Lunch. Deb went off for a post-lunch nap. I cooked the Christmas cake... It's an annual ritual, begun before I even enjoyed eating rich fruit cake. Fruit has been soaking in brandy since last night, there's an hour and a half mixing today, followed by four hours' cooking. So, Deb naps while I mix.

In the afternoon the cake cooks, Deb & I go out. I'm sure there was some shopping involved. Definitely some coffee & cake :-)

Home, dinner, I have a tendency to almost fall asleep...

I've had just a few hours' sleep and can feel the effects. If I close my eyes I almost fall asleep. Yet I don't! I close my eyes, almost fall asleep -- then snap awake again. This goes on till I finally go to bed at my usual late hour. (Well, I think I snap awake... There's always the possibility that I sleep but don't realise it!)

Anyway, I've spent a lot of Saturday very tired but (as far as I can tell) not sleeping. Definitely too much on my mind... I wonder what was on my mind?! Maybe just... restless?

Sunday is for reading and sitting:

Finally -- I'm now onto Sunday -- finally I have read some material from the Cancer Council website. Being restless is a possible side-effect of brain cancer. Possibly. I've read various pamphlets and web pages. Restlessness may come with the cancer -- or with the treatment.

There are other symptoms and side-effects. Pins & needles, yes, I have that in my feet. Headaches, no. Loss of mental faculties or physical skills (balance, vision, speech, coordination, comprehension...) not as far as I can tell. Mood swings, probably. I'm definitely cheerful: This could be a cancer-induced mood swing. Or -- what it really seems to be -- a change in attitude because a whole lot of long-term problems have become irrelevant.

Deb spends a couple of hours this (Sunday) morning helping to clean the orienteering shed. Orienteers gather to clean & check all the gear which is used during the orienteering season. I usually sleep in, though this year I can't claim that excuse.

I wake up before breakfast -- and change my tablet routine.

I'm supposed to start with an anti-nausea pill. Wait half an hour. Then take the chemotherapy pill -- which may cause nausea. So my first pill is to counter the possibility of nausea which may be caused by the second -- essential chemo -- pill. The first pill comes with its own possible side-effect: constipation.

Sunday morning and I do not take the anti-nausea pill.

Deb comes home from cleaning the orienteering shed. A bit later, she is ready to go for a run. I had planned to run... but will not leave the house. To be exact: I will not leave the vicinity of the toilet... Yes, those anti-nausea pills have caused constipation.

I read some of the Wikipedia entry on constipation. Okay, there's a choice of what it really means. My form of constipation is not the simple slowing down of bowel movement. Oh no!

Imagine that you are sitting at the foot of a glacial valley... The valley is filled with millions of tonnes of glacial... ice. All pushing to get through the valley. You can sit there all day and you will not see any movement... not a single centimeter of ice will actually move. But you can *feel* the pressure.

And that's my form of constipation.

I spend all morning on or near the toilet. Feeling the pressure. Nothing actually moving. Unable to do anything other than ... sit.

So I have stopped taking the anti-nausea pro-constipation pill -- before the constipation is too severe. I shove a glycerine bum-bomb where appropriate. And the glacier begins to move... slowly.

Several hours, bit by bit. Strain, wait, strain again. What a waste of a day! But finally... it passes.

I have chosen nausea. If I chunder after radiation, too bad. Or, at least -- I want to see how bad it is. Constipation is a very uncomfortable waste of many hours. I'm willing to test-and-compare nausea. So that I can make, as they say, an informed choice :-)

By mid-afternoon I'm feeling fine. Just as well, the family are over for Sunday dinner, always a good time :-)

Now I'll work back in my mind, see if I can remember what I've forgotten...

====

I have a "medical team" providing advice and treatment. Advice & treatment based on knowledge, skill, hundreds of years of medical and scientific learning, more recent improvements to the knowledge based on improving technology and constant testing & challenging of what is "known" in order to make it more effective. I also have a brother providing advice based on feel-good guesswork and a sister providing advice based on the brainwashing material of a religious cult.

All of which is gratefully received. But not necessarily followed. The anti-nausea pill, for example: the oncologist reluctantly admitted that I could choose nausea over constipation. I suspect, though, that there will be some "I told you so" if I'm sick all over the expensive radiation machinery :-)

My brother wants me to change my diet. He cites his friend who was -- in summary -- at death's door, overweight, cancerous & terribly unfit. A better diet, weight loss, lots of exercise -- plus medical treatment for the cancer -- and he is far, far better. Good news! But...

As far as I can tell, I have spent the past quite-a-few years being fitter, healthier and less overweight than the friend. That (perhaps) is why I have very few cancer-related symptoms. That (definitely) is why I bounce back from operations. So what's to gain?

I'm already at least as fit as the friend. He is now able to walk long distances. I started running marathons a few years ago. I am already happy & healthy. I feel no urge to risk "happy & healthy" in order to... well... to what? Become an olympic dieter or something?

So I told my brother (politely, I hope) that no, I won't be changing my diet. I also suggested that my brother could improve his own fitness...

My brother walks. He covers 35km each Sunday. He walks 100km every so often. Yet his joints are so bad that he is not able to run. Well, fair enough, he is my *older* brother :-) Still, I began preparation for running marathons with the clear intent of (a) finishing and (b) no pain. Both of which worked.

I use my own running style -- loosely based on Chi Running -- to avoid any injury, to avoid any hurt at all. It works... In fact, aching knees and hips -- from before I started preparation for marathons -- are no longer a problem. I finish exhausted but there is no pain, no hurt, neither during nor after the run.

So I wrote "lesson one" for my brother, lesson one of, "running without hurting". Thank you, he said, I'll put it aside till I have time to read it... Which is, I believe, what I shall do with future dietary advice: put it aside till I have time to read it.

The dietary advice begins with a reasonable basis. If I were horribly unfit, it would be a good idea to improve my diet and fitness. I'm already fit, already healthy, just afflicted with terminal cancer. There is no cure for my cancer, no demonstrable evidence of any cause related to ... anything, really.

I'll stay with my reasonably healthy diet. I'll work to regain some fitness. I'm not going to turn my life upside-down while clutching at feel-good straws just because they have helped a person in a completely different situation... Sorry :-)

===

Then there's my sister's advice. It started with pointers to a couple of "I cured cancer" scammers. Okay, it's easy to be sucked in by a well-prepared scam. It's just a bit disappointing that my own sister is so ... gullible. Sill, I followed up a couple of links. Pointed out some of the indicators that some are outright scams, others are well-intentioned (perhaps) clutching at straws. (In the style of, I tried 100 different things and I'm still alive therefore I believe that this particular item amongst the 100 will definitely cure your very different form of cancer...)

All very interesting. I still prefer to follow the advice of my own team of highly skilled, highly qualified medical specialists. (Even if I do choose the second-preference advice, of nausea rather than constipation.)

Then I offended my sister by saying that no, I do not want any advice -- or even comments -- based on my sister's religious cult.

Following which, I changed direction by suggesting "mindfulness" which -- from what I understand of it -- could fit well with my sister's "life coaching" work. Being me, I provided a few weblinks to cover various views of mindfulness. Both positive & negative. With a few brief comments of my own.

To which my sister responded with... a series of largely unrelated quotes from a single source. A source which is used for brainwashing & conversion by her cult. What the ?!

I know that my sister has been brainwashed to fit in with her cult. It's done her the world of good: from an uncertain teenager she became a far more confident -- though narrow-minded -- adult. But...

Is she really so crazy that she does not recognise brainwashing material when she quotes it? Or does she believe that I am so stupid that *I* will not recognise one-eyed religious teachings?! Especially since I have just offended her by saying -- very clearly -- that no, I do not want to hear about her religion.

Ah well.

Religious cults provide a great crutch for people who want certainty in their lives. I prefer to accept -- and analyse, and attempt to understand -- the uncertainty.

I hope to catch up with my sister in the next month. (We live a continent apart.) It'll be great to catch up, it always is. If the conversation turns to religion, I shall do as usual... ignore it. Sorry :-) But I have no interest in debate with a closed mind.

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Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
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​"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." ... Albert Einstein

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Now much more than a clever name for a holiday journal:

 https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/  :-)