weekend wrap

It's just after 4am on Monday morning. I've spent half an hour lying in bed listening to Deb snoring. Deb snoring in a quiet and ladylike fashion, of course :-) I enjoy listening, it's a reminder that Deb is there, next to me. And I exaggerate: it was only ten minutes that Deb snored...

What a pleasure... knowing that Deb is there, and sleeping well. Or, at least, sleeping better. For a few weeks Deb seemed to spend far too much time lying awake, worrying. Now she seems to have accepted that she can both worry and sleep at night.

Deb turns over, breathes quietly without snoring. I'm awake, I've had about four hours' sleep. I'm thinking (always a mistake) that I as well get up and catch up with a weekend's worth of blogging. So... here I am.

Thinking back to... Saturday morning: and already the memories are fading... Let's see what I can remember:

Aha! Toy library! Yes, that was the first out-of-house experience for the day. Followed by a run. And I jogged -- very veeerrry slowly, but a definite jog -- 5km. Plus the usual warm-up and cool-down walks.

The weather is warm, I ran along easy tracks in the bush area. Took it easy, enjoyed myself. All very pleasant.

Home. Lunch. Deb went off for a post-lunch nap. I cooked the Christmas cake... It's an annual ritual, begun before I even enjoyed eating rich fruit cake. Fruit has been soaking in brandy since last night, there's an hour and a half mixing today, followed by four hours' cooking. So, Deb naps while I mix.

In the afternoon the cake cooks, Deb & I go out. I'm sure there was some shopping involved. Definitely some coffee & cake :-)

Home, dinner, I have a tendency to almost fall asleep...

I've had just a few hours' sleep and can feel the effects. If I close my eyes I almost fall asleep. Yet I don't! I close my eyes, almost fall asleep -- then snap awake again. This goes on till I finally go to bed at my usual late hour. (Well, I think I snap awake... There's always the possibility that I sleep but don't realise it!)

Anyway, I've spent a lot of Saturday very tired but (as far as I can tell) not sleeping. Definitely too much on my mind... I wonder what was on my mind?! Maybe just... restless?

Sunday is for reading and sitting:

Finally -- I'm now onto Sunday -- finally I have read some material from the Cancer Council website. Being restless is a possible side-effect of brain cancer. Possibly. I've read various pamphlets and web pages. Restlessness may come with the cancer -- or with the treatment.

There are other symptoms and side-effects. Pins & needles, yes, I have that in my feet. Headaches, no. Loss of mental faculties or physical skills (balance, vision, speech, coordination, comprehension...) not as far as I can tell. Mood swings, probably. I'm definitely cheerful: This could be a cancer-induced mood swing. Or -- what it really seems to be -- a change in attitude because a whole lot of long-term problems have become irrelevant.

Deb spends a couple of hours this (Sunday) morning helping to clean the orienteering shed. Orienteers gather to clean & check all the gear which is used during the orienteering season. I usually sleep in, though this year I can't claim that excuse.

I wake up before breakfast -- and change my tablet routine.

I'm supposed to start with an anti-nausea pill. Wait half an hour. Then take the chemotherapy pill -- which may cause nausea. So my first pill is to counter the possibility of nausea which may be caused by the second -- essential chemo -- pill. The first pill comes with its own possible side-effect: constipation.

Sunday morning and I do not take the anti-nausea pill.

Deb comes home from cleaning the orienteering shed. A bit later, she is ready to go for a run. I had planned to run... but will not leave the house. To be exact: I will not leave the vicinity of the toilet... Yes, those anti-nausea pills have caused constipation.

I read some of the Wikipedia entry on constipation. Okay, there's a choice of what it really means. My form of constipation is not the simple slowing down of bowel movement. Oh no!

Imagine that you are sitting at the foot of a glacial valley... The valley is filled with millions of tonnes of glacial... ice. All pushing to get through the valley. You can sit there all day and you will not see any movement... not a single centimeter of ice will actually move. But you can *feel* the pressure.

And that's my form of constipation.

I spend all morning on or near the toilet. Feeling the pressure. Nothing actually moving. Unable to do anything other than ... sit.

So I have stopped taking the anti-nausea pro-constipation pill -- before the constipation is too severe. I shove a glycerine bum-bomb where appropriate. And the glacier begins to move... slowly.

Several hours, bit by bit. Strain, wait, strain again. What a waste of a day! But finally... it passes.

I have chosen nausea. If I chunder after radiation, too bad. Or, at least -- I want to see how bad it is. Constipation is a very uncomfortable waste of many hours. I'm willing to test-and-compare nausea. So that I can make, as they say, an informed choice :-)

By mid-afternoon I'm feeling fine. Just as well, the family are over for Sunday dinner, always a good time :-)

Now I'll work back in my mind, see if I can remember what I've forgotten...

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I have a "medical team" providing advice and treatment. Advice & treatment based on knowledge, skill, hundreds of years of medical and scientific learning, more recent improvements to the knowledge based on improving technology and constant testing & challenging of what is "known" in order to make it more effective. I also have a brother providing advice based on feel-good guesswork and a sister providing advice based on the brainwashing material of a religious cult.

All of which is gratefully received. But not necessarily followed. The anti-nausea pill, for example: the oncologist reluctantly admitted that I could choose nausea over constipation. I suspect, though, that there will be some "I told you so" if I'm sick all over the expensive radiation machinery :-)

My brother wants me to change my diet. He cites his friend who was -- in summary -- at death's door, overweight, cancerous & terribly unfit. A better diet, weight loss, lots of exercise -- plus medical treatment for the cancer -- and he is far, far better. Good news! But...

As far as I can tell, I have spent the past quite-a-few years being fitter, healthier and less overweight than the friend. That (perhaps) is why I have very few cancer-related symptoms. That (definitely) is why I bounce back from operations. So what's to gain?

I'm already at least as fit as the friend. He is now able to walk long distances. I started running marathons a few years ago. I am already happy & healthy. I feel no urge to risk "happy & healthy" in order to... well... to what? Become an olympic dieter or something?

So I told my brother (politely, I hope) that no, I won't be changing my diet. I also suggested that my brother could improve his own fitness...

My brother walks. He covers 35km each Sunday. He walks 100km every so often. Yet his joints are so bad that he is not able to run. Well, fair enough, he is my *older* brother :-) Still, I began preparation for running marathons with the clear intent of (a) finishing and (b) no pain. Both of which worked.

I use my own running style -- loosely based on Chi Running -- to avoid any injury, to avoid any hurt at all. It works... In fact, aching knees and hips -- from before I started preparation for marathons -- are no longer a problem. I finish exhausted but there is no pain, no hurt, neither during nor after the run.

So I wrote "lesson one" for my brother, lesson one of, "running without hurting". Thank you, he said, I'll put it aside till I have time to read it... Which is, I believe, what I shall do with future dietary advice: put it aside till I have time to read it.

The dietary advice begins with a reasonable basis. If I were horribly unfit, it would be a good idea to improve my diet and fitness. I'm already fit, already healthy, just afflicted with terminal cancer. There is no cure for my cancer, no demonstrable evidence of any cause related to ... anything, really.

I'll stay with my reasonably healthy diet. I'll work to regain some fitness. I'm not going to turn my life upside-down while clutching at feel-good straws just because they have helped a person in a completely different situation... Sorry :-)

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Then there's my sister's advice. It started with pointers to a couple of "I cured cancer" scammers. Okay, it's easy to be sucked in by a well-prepared scam. It's just a bit disappointing that my own sister is so ... gullible. Sill, I followed up a couple of links. Pointed out some of the indicators that some are outright scams, others are well-intentioned (perhaps) clutching at straws. (In the style of, I tried 100 different things and I'm still alive therefore I believe that this particular item amongst the 100 will definitely cure your very different form of cancer...)

All very interesting. I still prefer to follow the advice of my own team of highly skilled, highly qualified medical specialists. (Even if I do choose the second-preference advice, of nausea rather than constipation.)

Then I offended my sister by saying that no, I do not want any advice -- or even comments -- based on my sister's religious cult.

Following which, I changed direction by suggesting "mindfulness" which -- from what I understand of it -- could fit well with my sister's "life coaching" work. Being me, I provided a few weblinks to cover various views of mindfulness. Both positive & negative. With a few brief comments of my own.

To which my sister responded with... a series of largely unrelated quotes from a single source. A source which is used for brainwashing & conversion by her cult. What the ?!

I know that my sister has been brainwashed to fit in with her cult. It's done her the world of good: from an uncertain teenager she became a far more confident -- though narrow-minded -- adult. But...

Is she really so crazy that she does not recognise brainwashing material when she quotes it? Or does she believe that I am so stupid that *I* will not recognise one-eyed religious teachings?! Especially since I have just offended her by saying -- very clearly -- that no, I do not want to hear about her religion.

Ah well.

Religious cults provide a great crutch for people who want certainty in their lives. I prefer to accept -- and analyse, and attempt to understand -- the uncertainty.

I hope to catch up with my sister in the next month. (We live a continent apart.) It'll be great to catch up, it always is. If the conversation turns to religion, I shall do as usual... ignore it. Sorry :-) But I have no interest in debate with a closed mind.

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Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
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​"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." ... Albert Einstein

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Now much more than a clever name for a holiday journal:

 https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/  :-)