Not Dead Yet !: another week, another holiday plan

The last week has been a pleasantly peaceful -- though not relaxing -- start to the New Year. Family, friends, exercise. Cast my mind back twelve months and I did not expect to see this Christmas, let alone the year 2019. So there you go, I'm pleased :-)

I hope that anyone who reads my blog is also having a pleasant start to 2019... Happy New Year !

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A friend said to me, I'm always glad when I see an email from you, it means that you are still okay. That is so nice.

Sympathy is one thing. I appreciate sympathy though I don't really need it. Deb needs more sympathy: imagine living the rest of her life without me :-) Caring, though, is very much appreciated. Thank you.

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Off topic: Have you noticed that parenting skill always skips a generation ? Our grandson has excellent parents. He's also lucky with the uncle and aunt that I know. Best of all are his grandparents... Grandad, in particular, knows all there is to know about parenting.

How can I know so much ? It's because I remember all the mistakes I made with our own kids. By avoiding all that I did with our own kids, I know that I am a high quality grandparent. Easy.

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So what's that about "exercise" ?

Thanks to Deb, I still manage a couple of training runs each week. Deb goes for a run, I am shamed into also going for a run. And gradually, I am going a little bit further. Deb runs 5km, I run 6km. With weekend orienteering for a more organised outing.

This past Saturday: I run a short course at orienteering. Three km at a steady jog. A short course because...

… Sunday I am up at 4am, to get to a trail run at Walyunga. Again, I do the short course. At this short course I take an hour and a half to cover 9.99km -- with a lot of walking and a climb of 333m. I even manage to beat 16 of the 177 people on the run :-)

My training plan continues to be, Slow & steady. I've never been in a hurry to go faster. I want to be able to enter longer runs -- and finish. Beating 16 people tells me that I am ready for these trail runs. Just as well, there's another trail run in two weeks' time.

The Cradle Mountain run is definitely on my agenda. I have three years, one month and a few days to prepare, no worries. If it takes longer to prepare, that's fine. If I drop dead first, I won't be worrying :-)

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Deb & I are watching the ABC broadcast of the Edinburgh Military Tattoo. We always enjoy it. A few days later I think, Let's go see it live. So (after checking with Deb, of course) -- I buy two tickets to the Military Tattoo... in Edinburgh.

That's in August. I've looked at accommodation. I've looked at inn-to-inn walks, the West Highland Way looks good. Deb checks, yes, the WHW is on her five-year-old list of walks to be walked. Other than Tattoo tickets, nothing is confirmed. There's plenty of time till August.

Which raises another point: there's plenty of time till August.

Yes, our planning horizon is three-plus years ahead. I've already planned holidays "on the other side" of a brain scan. Cradle Mountain is three years ahead. I still plan for it.

Now I'm about to plan for -- and commit to -- a trip to Scotland in August. Which is -- in my terms of measurement -- the other side of two MRI scans. I find that the stress level is a lot higher.

The Tattoo tickets are a sunk cost: non-transferable, non-refundable. No worries there, it's the price of a commitment to the trip. Buying early also gets good (I hope) seats.

I now know that the Tattoo organisation is a charity. I'm happy to lose money to a charity. Other costs, well, I'll look for a good refund policy. Insurance may help -- but a known brain cancer is unlikely to gain sympathy from an insurance company :-)

The real stress is because I am making a major plan for a future time by which I could -- statistically -- be dead. Each scan brings a week of pre-scan stress. Planning a major holiday for the other side of two scans... I can feel a similar... potential... level of stress. Which I shall deal with by careful planning, positive attitude, crossing of the fingers.

Some stress. Plus a high level of excitement :-)

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Aside: As I started typing that last section I remembered a point which I need to record. Rather than make a note, I committed it to memory. And, like a dream, I can remember that there was a point but I have no idea just what that point was. Sigh.

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Aha! What memories will I leave for Deb ? That's what I remembered then forgot:

Some of what I do is in preparation for after my death. The financial expert in The West suggested a folder labelled, Where Have I Hidden all the Money (or something like that). That serious, useful, stuff is already on my to-do list. Somewhere near the end.

When I plan a holiday... agree to go out for coffee with Deb, buy something useful or nice... throw out junk that I will never use and Deb will never want... I hope that Deb appreciates it. Or do I?

Should I be trying to leave Deb with fond memories of her then-late husband ? Would it be kinder to leave her with more accurate memories: untidy, avoids housework, self-opinionated… (You're right, the negatives do make a very short list :-)

Should I aim to leave Deb with a rosy image that will never allow her to enjoy a single day without me ? Or should I leave her with negative memories that ensure that she will soon get over my death ? Noooo… I think I'll just create memories that are of me. That's easy. No extra effort required.