never look back

Saturday, we go orienteering in Kelmscott. The assembly area is... just across the road from where I lived for about ten years of my childhood. The map includes our old property. I see some of the types of tree which grow only (as far as I know) on the poor, dry, sandy soil of Kelmscott.

It's a bit depressing, really.

We lived on two and a half acres. Traffic was one or two cars a day. This is where I developed my preference for isolated spaces.

Our block is now ten or twenty houses. Traffic is not heavy, but regular. The trees are not too healthy, with brown edges to the leaves.

There are no visible reminders of a reasonably happy childhood. It's a bit depressing.

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It also makes me think, How happy was my childhood? Definitely not *un*happy :-)

Thinking back -- after many years -- I think that I was content rather than happy. There were ups and downs, I just accepted whatever happened. Plenty of good times, nothing ever really bad -- as far as I was concerned.

Perhaps I'm just applying my current attitude to my childhood... because that's how I am now. Some ups and downs, plenty of good times, accepting whatever happens. Can't change it so no use worrying... though I'm certain I never thought even that deeply as a child :-)

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On one visit to the GP she commented -- while checking the cancer doc's notes -- that I seem to impress the cancer doc. I must ask, some time, what is it that impressed the cancer doc. Is it my cheerful accepting attitude? Or is she impressed that I am still alive...

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Every so often I consider the various stages of grief, to see how I am tracking. Well... I have now passed anger! I have had a flash of anger, it lasted at least five seconds.

Angry at what? Angry that Deb will be left alone. Pity there's nothing, noone, to be angry *at*. So, a bit pointless. And, anyway, it's not happened yet...

Though next week is the next scan week, two scans. So, a bit of stress.

Meanwhile... enjoying life three months at a time :-)

Nick Lethbridge  /  consulting dexitroboper
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"I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day." … Steph on Twitter
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