better for a run

This morning I'm in a lousy mood. The tablet loses the folder where I keep all my data, it does this regularly. Then it locks up completely, another regular problem. I fix both problems by tossing the tablet halfway across the room. Fixes the problems but the power switch is now a bit worse for wear. So I go for a run round the lake.

Two recent dreams:

One is set in St Georges College. Completely different to the real building but one clear identifier (the college is a regular in my dreams): There's a long corridor, doors to either side, one door is mine -- I don't know which one.

I try one door. Thinking, if this my room then I'll see my stuff inside... What I see is a big black -- friendly -- dog.

Okay, the dog could be my depression. I've never met a depressed dog, black or otherwise, but negative advertising makes an impression.

I wonder if all the doors are me trying to define my app for the developers... lots of ways of doing it, not sure which (if any) will work.

Perhaps I should write a book about dream analysis :-)

I'm now back from the run and feeling a whole lot better :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page." ... Saint Augustine

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

status: 22may 22

Time for a status report.

So... how am I?

In short: Not too bad... all things considered :-)

Physical: 

My brain still contains an aggressive and ultimately terminal cancer. Bummer.

I have permanently lost perhaps 25% of my vision. If you're off to my left I don't see you. The other 75% is okay for my age.

Three score and ten is just a few weeks away :-)

My lung capacity is reduced. I sometimes have trouble taking a good, deep, breath. It may be asthma-related but ventolin no longer helps.

I think it slows my running but does not stop it (my running is not often aerobic:-)

Mental: 

The other week I completed both cryptic crosswords in the Sunday paper :-)

Sometimes I have trouble working with several facts at one time:-(

My main problem is that... I just can't be bothered. Things which need doing, I don't even start. Though I have occasional bursts of many hours of productive work.

I mean mental work... I like to run because, well, it's all the physical exercise that I do.

Emotional:

Not good but, right now, acceptable.

I expect to die within the foreseeable future. Interestingly, I can't quite believe that I will be dead. I can't imagine dying... but it doesn't worry me. Death is unfortunate but inevitable.

I worry about Deb more than about myself.

Overall, I'm happy. I went through a low patch. Now... i'm happy. Worried, yes. But the worry seems to be under control. As it should be :-) Though I do need to resist the can't-be-bothered attitude.

As usual... writing it down makes me feel better :-)

It also reminds me: 

The only problem with my cancer is that it is terminal. Other than that, it is trivial. One collapse. Other problems are due to the treatment.

Now I remember... I am very, very lucky :-)

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===


As Conan says: What does not kill you
does not kill you

know when to fold

Today is a trail run. Only 5 or 6 km but I'm not looking forward to it. It starts with a steep and rocky uphill. Ends downhill on rough granite steps. I'm not good on steps :-(

If you fall going up steps, you land on the next step. Fall going down and the fall could be a lot further... I expect to go very very slowly.

The alarm is set for 4:30 am. Rain is predicted for 8 am.

I wake at 3am... not happy.

When the alarm wakes Deb I tell her... I do not want to go. Not even to wait in the car, which will have to park 2km from the start. After an hour's drive from home. I have no enthusiasm at all :-(

So we don't go.

Deb is happy with the decision...

Later -- at a more reasonable time of day -- we go to Kings Park.

Deb goes for a run. I go for a walk. And pick up coffee and a muffin. :-)

We're home and cosy when the rain storm arrives.

A very enjoyable morning. You have to know when to hold and when to fold :-)

that's better :-)

I'm back on an even (emotional) keel. Where I want to be. Not entirely happy. Still swearing at inanimate objects. But enjoying life.

Spending ttoday doing nothing except, run around the lake, it's seven or eight km. My "run" is not much more than a fast... or medium...  walk. (My training aim is always distance, at any (slow) speed) 

It's good to get out and about.

Today's run plus the Saturday rogaine... Phew! I'm tired. Physically, anyway. I may be settling in for a late night's work.

btw: The sister who chose Albany over a rogaine, well: It rained all the way and rained worse while they were there.  To which I say: nyah nyah, it was perfect weather -- where we were -- for the bush rogaine :-)

There's a benefit to having nothing to do: I can stay up late and sleep some other time. I reject the civilised constraint of working 9 to 5, I work (ie do the mostly pointless things which keep me entertained) I work when I want. Which is mostly from about ten at night till possibly 3am. I work best with no deadline. If I'm still going at 3am... I'll keep going till sun-up.

If anyone sees me falling asleep during the day I just tap my head and groan a bit :-)

Anyway... I've finished a couple of things which have been waiting far too long. It's a good feeling :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"The measure of love is to love without measure" ... St Augustine

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

exercise

I'm a bit stiff and weary. yesterday was a rogaine...

i'm happy to aim for just a couple of controls. deb wants to go for a decent walk... we are both satisfied :-)

the bush is pleasant, quite open. still, five hours walking through it is tiring.

i use a hiking pole. as a walking stick, leaning on it as i step and stumble.

heading to the first control... we are lost.

on the way to a second control... we are lost.

we look for a third and final control. have several attempts, approaching from several different directions. we are never even  close... as far as we know.

our gps tracker has a flat battery after three hours and 9km. we carry on for another two hours. it doesn't help that i am unlikely to see any distant control.

enough! we drive home. an enjoyable outing. plenty of exercise. lots of disappointment.

so ha ha to deb's sister. she decides that a holiday in albany is better than a rogaine. silly woman !

the word we choose is... debacle :-)

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===


As Conan says: What does not kill you
does not kill you

all systems normal

Well, I'm back to my normal state. Can't deny the misery lurking below the surface... but what the heck, it's nothing to worry about :-)

One day I'm annoyed because I can't just go out and drive somewhere... but I can just go out and run. So I do. In the rain. And I enjoy it :-)

I still expect that the latest developers will fail to code my app. (I do learn from experience:-( But I'll give them as much clear info as possible. It's actually a lot quicker to write code than to describe what the code should do. But I've reached the limits of my coding ability. So I write descriptions for a coder.

I know exactly what the code must do.

It's tedious but the main problem is that... I just can't be bothered. I spend a lot of time feeling tired. And finding things that -- in the short term -- I would rather be doing. Such as reading a book. I'd be more enthusiastic if the developers had responded sensibly to an earlier email. It makes me believe that I'm wasting my time.

Enough complaining :-)

Today we are orienteering. Deb navigates, I follow. We chat to other orienteers. Have a picnic in the bush. A very pleasant outing.

Hmmm... I'm miserable about the things that I can't -- or don't -- do. But what I can and do do -- I enjoy. There's misery below the surface. But the surface... is very good :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"Gone to lunch. If not back by 5, Gone to dinner." ... per Ginger Meggs

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)