my mind is set in its fixed concrete path

This post is about the idée fixe ... which is just me showing off :-) The way that we get an idea -- a fixed idea -- and we will not shift from that idea. Here are some alternate ideas? I may listen but probably not. I will certainly never change my mind. I will never accept that you, too, may have a valid explanation.

Just a few examples. All of the unthinking intransigence of other people, of course. Sure, I may have the occasional idée fixe but mine are always correct. More importantly -- this is *my* blog :-)

===

But first: I've finally had a picture (attached) taken of me in my radiation treatment "mask". All to hold my head still while my brain is zapped. Very flattering, eh?!

===

We're driving to this morning's treatment. It includes a talk with the doc so we are discussing last week's "bad spell".

It was inflammation of a brain lining. Causing fever, pain, exhaustion. Etc. No, inflammation does not cause a fever. It was a virus or bacteria. I was tested for everything possible, there was no infection. You can't test for a virus. Why can't it have been inflammation? Inflammation does not cause fever. Yes it does. Inflammation does not hurt like that. Why do footballers get inflammation? Why does it cause them any concern? They use their muscles... it hurts to play on. So why can't I have had inflammation round the brain? That's where I was operated on, there is swelling inside, the pain was all round the area where the lining goes, the ED doc said it was inflammation, there were no other signs of any infection?! It must have been a virus... and so on.

===

So, doc, do I stop the Temo today or tomorrow? Temo goes with radiation, radiation ends today, so no Temo tomorrow. Brain radiation stops today, I have gut radiation tomorrow, should I take a Temo for the gut radiation? Temo goes with radiation, radiation ends today, so no Temo tomorrow. Hello? Anyone home?

===

And on a related matter but misunderstanding rather than a fixed idea:

Phew! I'm still tired. Last week you were so tired that you could barely keep your eyes open. Yes, I was very, very... very tired. But still, just tired. Today I'm feeling quite well... but still tired.

That's a misunderstanding which is my fault: When I say, Today I'm feeling well, I mean it. But that is "well" compared to the bad times. As in, cheerful, positive, healthy -- but tired. Because "tired" -- for the last few weeks -- has been my default state. Put it this way:

Each day I feel as though *yesterday* I ran a marathon. Sure, today I'm "recovered". Yes, I can walk and talk and think. Perhaps I could even jog a few km... But I would rather not. I would rather rest a bit.

This morning we spent a couple of hours with our grandson. I wandered round, joined in occasionally, spent time sitting & watching. A very pleasant morning :-) But I am "accompanying adult" rather than "involved".

I would rather sit than climb, so Deb is in charge of hand-holding & support on the higher equipment. I'm happy to walk but at no more than a stroll. I would rather be there -- with the boy -- playing! But my default state is, tired. One of the expected side-effects of radiation and drugs, as far as I understand it.

So when I say that I am "well" -- I do mean it. But "well" does not mean that I am anywhere near peak performance level... And that, I hope, will change. Once this treatment is finished.

So today I am definitely "well". And cheerful. But not moving fast. And still ready to fall asleep, often :-)

==== Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper & Flaneur

        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
===

"Give a man an inch and he'll think he's a ruler" … Agent 86

====

Now much more than a clever name for a holiday journal:

 https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/  :-)