I am very well, thank you :-) Oh, apart from the terminal cancer, that is... Which really -- right now -- does not seem to affect me. No drugs, no side-effects. No effects of the cancer, either... as far as I know !
Today my brother was ready to suggest that I should be aware of the symptoms which preceded my collapse, so that I can ... well ... do something about them before I collapse again. Unfortunately, I replied, there were no early warning symptoms. None at all.
Except for the on-the-day blank spots. By which time I was collapsing. Though I now stay aware of the possibility of more blank spots. And hope that, if I do notice them, that I have enough self-awareness to get help... Though by that stage I will be already due for more surgery, etc.
But were there really no earlier warnings of a growing tumour ?
"There are no facts, only interpretations." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
As far as I know, there were no early warnings. I was as fit as a fiddle -- till my brain exploded. Is this "fact"... or is it just my own "interpretation" ?!
Yesterday, I could have been heading for all sorts of physical and mental breakdowns. Feeling nervous, trouble sleeping. Worried about my impending doom ? Unsettled digestion. After-effects of chemo ? Fear of what tomorrow would bring. Stress & depression ? Worried that I would fall over. A bit wobbly as I stood up. Brain going soft ? Minor headache. Brain going hard ?
Those are facts and possible interpretations. As an alternative interpretation: I was suffering from the standard pre-fun-run nerves !
Today the alarm is set for 5am. I am awake at 4am, to go to the toilet. Can't get back to sleep (very unusual). Suddenly wonder, What time does the run start ? Go downstairs, check the web. Upstairs again and I set the alarm for a half hour later. Still can't sleep.
I apply a solution to a problem that I have mentioned in earlier posts: I get cold at night. We bought an electric blanket. Bliss ! I turn the blanket to roast & bake and am asleep as soon as the heat seeps through.
Aside: My first ever experience with an electric blanket was interesting. I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling very cold. (Thirty or forty years ago. I have always had trouble keeping warm at night.) Anyway, not to worry, I switch our new electric blanket to heat... Within minutes I am warm as toast and fall fast asleep.
It's only the next morning that I find that the blanket had not yet been plugged in.
Back to the present and we have an electric blanket. Aaaahhhh :-) Though I still need to turn up the heat in the wee small hours of the morning. So I do. And I sleep soundly.
Till 5:30. Up, breakfast, dress, drive... and run.
It's a trail run. Almost 13km over a very steep hill. I've been looking forward to getting back to trail runs, it's fantastic fun to run (jog, walk) through the bush. With just Deb, or with a crowd of friendly trail runners.
This -- in the alternative interpretation -- explains most of those nervous facts. I am always nervous on the day before a fun run or trail run. Sleep and digestion are the main sufferers. Everything settles down once the run has begun.
This run in particular has potential to test my nerves. I have run a recent 12km fun run -- on level roads. This run will be on rough tracks, up and down steep hills. Today's trail run is nearly 13km. My recent training runs have been up to 6km. And I will be running on bush tracks -- well away from ambulances.
Should I warn the organisers that I am prone to falling over and frothing at the mouth ? Nooo... but I do mention that it's good to be back but I am even slower than before.
Pre-run nerves: a valid interpretation for most of my symptoms.
And yet... there is a third possible interpretation of some of those nervous facts: I am getting older. Wobbly as I stand up: older and with lifelong low blood pressure. Made worse by sitting still at a computer (or book) for hours on end. And age, which often seems to take away the ability to balance.
And then the headache leads to a fourth possible interpretation: imbalance of salt. On the way to the run I drink lots of water and I eat salty corn chips. I eat and drink as my body seems to indicate the need. My headache disappears.
"There are no facts, only interpretations." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
The facts are, that I could claim all sorts of minor problems and irritations. My interpretation is, that there are all sorts of causes, none being cancer. I am, right now, quite well :-)
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Oh, and I finished the trail run. Very tired but still moving. Slowly. Managed to beat perhaps two people !
Feeling very satisfied with my performance.
So glad to be able to run another trail run :-)
Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
... Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
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"I've found that there's a reason for everything… I constantly make the wrong decisions." … Pardon my Planet
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And so you should. Cheers Col
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