The world is about to be destroyed, possibly by a giant meteor. Everyone is given a choice: stay on Earth until it is destroyed, or fly up to meet the meteor. I choose to fly up... Close up, the meteor looks like a rusty red rough spaceship... We are about to crash. I say to the person next to me, Duck down and shelter behind me. Dream ends.
Is this my dream interpretation of death by cancer ? After surgery, radiation and chemo I am given a choice: More chemo (with no expectation that it would do any good), or stop chemo. I choose to stop. Who was I sheltering? Perhaps it is Deb; I do want to protect her from after-effects of my death. As in the dream, a somewhat pointless effort ! Then, like all my dreams -- it ends before impact. Blatant optimism: in my dreams, I never crash :-)
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I have just left hospital after having a cut hand sealed up. Then I go back to the hospital because an even larger cut, on my other hand, needs to be fixed.
This is easy to interpret: I scratch both hands at orienteering, pushing through bush. The first is a simple scratch, it oozes blood rather than really bleeding. A bit later I think, That's funny, my other hand is sticky. I look at the hand... Lots of blood, seeping down from near my wrist ! Turns out that both "wounds" are minor scratches. The second is on a spot which bleeds more than the size of the scratch would suggest. Neither cut hurts but they are impressive enough to cause me to dream about them.
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I'm with a group of people who are being forced to have minor accidents. We fall over, or are pushed, nothing really serious. The people doing the pushing are gaining some benefit... even in the dream I don't know what it is. I escape -- to a place where the furniture is designed to fall apart when used. The idea is that whoever touches the furniture will fall over with the collapsing furniture. I, of course, collapse the furniture but don't fall over :-)
No idea of any meaning to the first part of this dream ! Unless I'm blaming all my problems on other people ? Ditto with the second part. With the extra bonus that, no matter what collapses -- I won't fall with it. More blind optimism :-)
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I do occasionally have flashes of fear of dying. Fear and disbelief. More often, I worry about the effect on Deb. Which does seem to indicate that I have enough disbelief to cover the actual fear :-)
Right now I *expect* that my next scans will be clear :-) On the other hand, I am also doing my best to organise tax, super & other finances so that they will be easy for Deb to manage.
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Most of my current problems and concerns are mental rather than physical. This is because I am physically quite well, which leaves more time for mental self-analysis.
Deb & I were on a rogaine at the end of last month. We walked 28km over the two days. We have been orienteering, where I travel further and sometimes faster than Deb, though Deb does better than me by finding all of her control points.
And we are back on a run training plan.
We have spent months "keeping fit" with regular runs. It is just not the same as having a *plan*. Also, getting a formal plan is (I think) a way for Deb to accept that life goes on, that what was good "bC" (before Cancer :-) is still, good. So we go back to Pat Carroll...
Pat Carroll definitely deserves a plug ! He provides a training plan to suit Deb's requirements, plus feedback. Plus a positive and supportive attitude, all the way. He also deserves an apology: Deb gets tailored training plans and I also use them, just with some adaptation to suit my own targets. I... used to... run further and faster on each training day. For me there is a major advantage: when Deb goes running, I go running; otherwise I am too lazy to train at all. So thank you Pat, from both of us !
Deb feels that she is ready for the regular training of a plan. With the extra "challenge" of a goal: the City to Surf. Following a plan builds our fitness... It also gives us confidence in our ability to complete the run. As soon as we receive the new training plan -- I feel a sudden increase in enthusiasm :-) Not just for the plan -- but for the decision to commit to a couple of months of regular training.
Interestingly enough: this City to Surf will be 12 months since I crashed out of last year's C2S. For some reason, Deb is a bit worried... As I tell her, it's not the running which will kill me. And it's nice to know that the ambulance support has been tested and found effective :-)
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shallow
philosophy:
"Life is too important to be taken seriously." -- Oscar WildeAbsolutely true !
If I spent all my life being serious, I would not enjoy it nearly as much. Though it's possible that some bosses would have enjoyed their lives a lot more :-)
Sometimes I do have to remind myself to lighten up. When I'm gloomy, Deb often bears the brunt of it. Sorry :-(
When I poke fun at the world -- and at myself -- it's because that's the best way to deal with life. Life is important. It deserves to be treated with good will, good humour -- and jokes. Good or bad :-)
"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included." -- Steven Wright ... I have no idea what that means. But I think it's funny :-)
Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
... Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
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"I've found that there's a reason for everything… I constantly make the wrong decisions." … Pardon my Planet
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Good to hear you are feeling up to the fun run. Impressed with you effort in the rogaine. Cheers Col
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