Not Dead Yet !: good news, bad news

Today I see the cancer doc. It's to discuss the results of my recent PET scan. Having a meeting at all is a bad sign.

I already know that there is a shadow on the scan, under my lungs. Our son told me that, the doctor son. He has access to the scan results.

Yes, says the cancer doc, that shadow is cancer. In a lymph node on my spine. Technically, from the PET scan interpretation: "New small moderately FDG-avid para-aortic lymph node in the mediastinum is concerning for nodal metastasis." Riiiigght.

"Lymph node" explains the son, sucks up all the bad stuff from the blood, produces anti-bad-stuff, pumps it all back into the blood. (This is my translation of my understanding. Good enough for me.)So a lymph node sucks up cancer cells and pumps them back into the blood. Which allows the cancer to spread. Not a good thing.

This spreading cancer is the testicular type. If I had taken my hard testicle to the doc a lot sooner, it may not have had a chance to spread further. Oh well, my balls-up (ba-boom!), too late now. Too late for me: feel your balls now and get a second opinion -- quickly.

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This cancer is treatable and -- probably -- curable. There are two treatment options: radiation or chemotherapy.

Radiation would (again) hit the affected area. If the cancer cells are already outside the visible shadow of cancer -- it will continue to spread. An easy treatment. Not a long-term solution.

That leaves chemotherapy. Very effective since the chemo goes all through the bloodstream. It hits everywhere, kills cancer everywhere.

caveat 1: Does not (if I understand correctly) does not *kill* the cancer cells. It allows my own body to effectively destroy the cancer cells. Magic, I guess.

caveat 2: No mention that it will affect brain cancer. If not, it may be because the "blood brain barrier" prevents the chemo from getting into my brain. That barrier -- I have now been told -- is a filter. Only nice pure blood can pass the filter and get into the brain. Either that, or these chemo drugs just don't work on brain cancer. (Sorry to be so technical.) (These are my wild guesses. All I really know is, we're about to fight only the testicular cancer.)

So... more chemotherapy. A week of drugs dripping into a vein, four hours at a time. A weekly injection. Thirty minutes of a different drug via drip, on days eight and fifteen of a three-week cycle. Rinse & repeat. Until the doc calls enough... I guess there will be scans, enough will be called after a PET scan shows no more cancerous shadows.

Side effects? Oh yeah :-(

Possibly dangerous allergic reactions, probable nausea and vomiting near the top of the list. I stop reading, it's a nasty list. I'll let someone else read the list and I'll tell them how I feel.

As we say, says the doc, Short term pain for long term gain. All very well, I reply, for those with a long term. Not to worry, I do plan to live for three years, etc -- or more. And if I don't, well, tough :-)

But first, let's check that "long term". Before I start fighting testicular cancer -- how's the brain cancer? My MRI was due in March, it's been moved forward to next week. If the brain is still empty, I get many weeks of nasty chemotherapy. If there are signs of a brain tumour… we think again.

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So how do I feel about all of this?

Now that's it's happened -- and there is a clear plan ahead -- not too worried. After all, this is the not-likely-to-be-terminal cancer. And it's treatable. If the brain cancer is also back -- I'll rethink my attitude.

My initial worry is, a solid week -- plus a few days -- of needles in my veins :-( Yuk.

Then I start to worry about the side-effects. No, don't drive yourself home, I'm told. Wanting to vomit may hit suddenly. Looks as though I won't drive very much for all those weeks of treatment. Bummer.

What I really dread is not even on the list of side-effects. Not near the top, anyway, as far as I read it. Nausea, vomiting, nasty. Except that the anti-nausea treatment tends to go too far, to constipation. Feeling awful, straining, no real relief... Now that's a real bummer :-( A new world of dread, as I attempt to balance the drug effects with the "cure". Not looking forward to that possibility.

Note the positive use of "possibility" rather than "probability" :-)

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All this bad news, I say, is likely to turn my hair grey. The good news, replies my son, is that all your hair will fall out.

I make an appointment with the hairdresser. Cut it all off, I'll say. May as well cut the hair off before it falls out.

I make an appointment with my GP. There's a simple weekly injection -- on top of everything else -- that I could self-administer. (As if!) Or the son could inject it. (I don't know if either of us would be comfortable with that. But it may happen.) Or I'll get the GP to jab me. I like to have a non-specialist GP to manage the simpler medical problems.

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So I'm now "looking forward to" several three-week cycles of feeling rotten. With more good news: I should have plenty of material for this blog :-)

Looking forward to more poo references in March...