nervous? Yes.

Yes, I'm nervous. My next scan is on Friday, I'll know the results within a week. So, as usual, I have pre-scan nerves.

And, as usual, I deal with it by not thinking about it. Or thinking about the scan -- the results -- as, if it happens, it happens. Fatalism? Sounds negative. Que sera, sera? (Interesting... I finally checked the spelling... Apparently it's bad grammar in several languages.) No, too light. So I'm back to the current vogue word, mindfulness.

Live in the present. No regrets for the past, no worry over the future... Concern, maybe. Plan ahead, yes. Worry... doesn't help.

"I'll know the results within a week." I already know when the doc will tell me the results, that's too definite. I prefer the fuzzy timing so there is no focus on the day of doooommm. Anyway, even if it's more good news -- there will be another scan in another three months, so why worry about this one in particular.

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One of my early cancerous thoughts was, I'm going to be one of those lean & hungry cancer patients. Slim and elegant (or gaunt) with a well-practiced look of brave resignation. Instead, I gained 10kg. Well, I've finally lost some of it.

I have -- consistently, still holding over a week -- lost 2kg. Another 10kg down and I will be at my target weight for running. Having set that target weight I spent five years failing to achieve it. So... it's still a good target :-)

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A mental distraction is also good. Reading, playing WoW... and now programming a phone app.

I seem to spend six to ten hours each day, attempting to code. The logic is relatively simple, it's the language that is the problem. For example, I spend two hours looking for the reason for my app just... stopping. then I find the curly bracket } which has shifted down one line. Move it back, all works again.

The language comes with a lot of debugging help, none of which I understand. So I change a single line, add a line which shows data values, run the code. The data display pops up... and disappears. I hit Print Screen before it goes, paste into Paint and see what happened. Then, as they say... rinse & repeat. Again and again and again.

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Of course this blog is another way of achieving the nirvana of mindlessness. I mean, mindfulness.

Though I feel the need to code... must do some more... It's aggravating. But fun :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

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"No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway." … per Ginger Meggs
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Dying for you to read my blog, at https: // notdotdeaddotyet .blogspot. com. au/ :-)