smooth sailing

The surgeon shows the latest CT image -- nothing to worry about :-)

There is some old blood still there. No *new* blood. Quite a bit of standard brain fluid -- yes, okay, my brain has shrunk, there is room for fluid. Give it time, the body should remove any *excess* fluid by normal means.

Nothing -- for now -- to worry about.

But he wants another scan in six weeks. When, hopefully, there will be no *new* blood.

For now -- no worries :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

for the greater good ... against the corrupt metastasis of oligarchic power that stomps on humanity's neck everywhere

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

no news is ... ?

No news is... good enough :-)

I'm CT scanned. There's always a doctor looks at the scan then tells me... nothing much :-) I think they are just making sure that the scan is nicely in focus.

Today, the doctor says... nothing much. So I go home. And so far -- no sudden call to go to hospital :-)

So There is no real news.

Which is good!

I'll see the surgeon later this week, he has the final word on CTs. If he's happy then I'm happy !

Meanwhile... I'm happy enough :-)

===

Then: I will have a PET scan in late November. Then meet the oncologist. Then -- if all goes well :-) -- back to the regular cycle of PET & MRI scans.

===

Aside: The surgeon has had several direct looks at my brain.

Setting up the last drain, he also took some tissue samples. I expect that the samples will show cancer cells... no surprise. But he has not mentioned seeing a fresh tumour So that's something to be glad about :-)

I hope for *no* surprises when we see him, later this week.

Meanwhile: feeling good :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

for the greater good ... against the corrupt metastasis of oligarchic power that stomps on humanity's neck everywhere

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

dreaming

I'm dreaming... that I'm in a large hotel.

 a Polar Bear enters and terrorises the guests

I have some role of responsibility so I am the person to deal with the bear.

I take a shotgun from a guest...

the bear attacks... charges directly at me...

I shoot it.

Everyone is saved :-)

Here's what it means... so I say :-)

The bear looks like a Grizzly but we all (the guests & I) know that it is a Polar Bear...

because I have somehow come out from under my blankets... and I am really very cold !

Deeper significance:

The bear is my cancer. I take responsibility... shoot it... kill it.

My dreaming mind is quite positive :-)

And rather out of touch with reality ! 

I like it :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

for the greater good ... against the corrupt metastasis of oligarchic power that stomps on humanity's neck everywhere

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

feeling refreshed

I'm feeling refreshed. As though I've just woken from a good night's sleep.

Which is annoying because midnight is approaching and I should be going to sleep. Not to worry. I can sleep... later.

Each visit to hospital leaves me tired. And less fit.

The surgery may knock me round, I suppose. The less fit I am the worse I am after surgery.

Plus... I get emotionally exhausted from the battle to get out of the hospital.

When I'm tired, I sleep. So I don't recover any fitness. A vicious circle :-(

Not helped by an attack of gastro... Which, I discover, came from the grandchildren. So I can't complain (poor kids...

Also: This week is another CT scan. the CT is a simple scan but it's the one that can show blood on the brain ( ie it could show the need for another brain drain).

Anyway: 

I spend a lot of time sleeping. Doing nothing much. Angling for sympathy. Getting it :-)

Tonight I go to bed...

Rest for a very short while... and wake up feeling refreshed !

So I make a list of things which I haven't been bothered doing. A to-do list for tomorrow.

And post to this blog.

With the key message: I may have been feeling low. But today... is better. Definitely!... if I now go to bed... and get some sleep to match my feeling of being nicely refreshed :-)

Hmmm feeling strangely positive. And that -- for whatever reason -- is something to be glad about :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

Question authority. Don't expect to like the answer." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

un-flooded brain?

Last time the surgeon poked round inside my brain, he found a possibly-leaking capillary. This could explain why the blood on the brain came back.

The surgeon sealed that capillary. Perhaps that will prevent another quick flood. I won't know till another CT scan, in the next week.

Meanwhile... I worry.

When I say "I"... Deb also worries. Possibly more than I worry :-(

My coping strategies are sometimes effective but erratic. Deb copes but is worried all the time.

===

While waiting on the scan... What are the signs of blood on the brain? Continuous headaches which do not go away, the surgeon tells us. So, of course, ever since then, I have a continuous headache.

Bah ! humbug!

btw: on a scale of one to ten, my headaches are a piddly little 1.5. Very minor.

I visit the GP. First, so she can confirm that my latest wound is healing nicely. It is. Then we have a general discussion on signs that a brain is floating in blood.

The GP is -- always -- terrific. Worried for me (and for Deb), sympathetic, knowledgeable, helpful. Just talking with her makes me feel more optimistic :-)

The oncologist and the surgeon are experts, Willing to answer and explain. When I talk with them my main thought is, Good news or bad? Followed by, Will there be more treatment?

Then I want to leave -- as quickly as possible.

The GP runs through possible signs that my brain is re-flooded.

None of them apply!

eg, Do I have any nausea? No, not a twinge.

I can't remember what other symptoms she mentioned... Just that none of them apply ... woohoo :-)

===

So why would I have hadaches?!

Dehydration? Possible. Cold weather? Yes, cold weather does give me a headache. I constantly feel cold.

Doing a lot of reading? Likely... especially since my reading glasses are from a two-year-old prescription.

Also, suggests the GP: my eyes and brain are working extra hard to work around the loss of vision to the left. This could cause a headache.

So I am reassured. Though the CT scan is still the important test.

I am reassured. And taking actions to counter all of those possible non-flooding causes of a headache.

Good enough :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

Question authority. Don't expect to like the answer." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

back to "normal"

Middle of the night. My mind is in overdrive. I can't sleep. May as well post to the blog.

But here's the thing: My mind is on overdrive on a matter unrelated to this blog.

Regarding cancer, brain drains, hospitals... I am happy. Or at least: accepting. No longer  furious. Not worried. Not optimistic, not pessimistic.

Back to my "preferred" normal.

Note... *my* preferred normal. Normal *for me*. Whatever that means ... :-)

Nothing boring. Nothing -- I hope -- average. Just ... normal.

And ready to continue... enjoying life...

Look out... world! I'm back... to my normal :-)

Which may, of course mean: Back to rambling and incomprehensible blog posts.

Another reason why I never reread my posts.

Anyway... I'm happy :-) Just not sleeping.

Oh well.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

Question authority. Don't expect to like the answer." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

unbelievable

Lying awake with heartburn :-( I can now add cream cheese icing to cream, as things which I should not eat late at night.

btw: glass of cool water and the heartburn is gone.

I also have a bit of a "tension" headache. Headaches are supposed to be one possible symptom of a flooded brain. I've just had my brain drained so I am ignoring the headache.

Deb asked, If I get headaches... will I ignore them -- or go to hospital.

I was uncertain. I guess the answer is clearer now.

===

One of the problems with my left-side blindness is that I hit the wrong key on the keyboard.

The worst is when I aim for an a or s and hit caps lock... Other mis-hits need correction. A line of all caps needs the entire line to be retyped.

So now I have finally removed the caps lock key from my keyboard.

===

A huge benefit of the Hollywood hospital room is that it has a thermostat that works.

I cranked the temperature up enough so that I am comfortable. Then add blankets so that I am actually warm

.

How does the body generate heat?

Exercise... not when stuck in a hospital bed.

warm room, blanket... helps.

Food as fuel to burn for heat.

Most of the hospital meals are too disgusting to eat. Any nice food is too little for a biafran. So I am constantly underfed. If I did any exercise... I would be able to develop the gaunt look that I associate with cancer. But no such luck.

===

Anyway... with heat and blankets I finally get warm. Warm enough to record a temperature which is above normal. By less than a half degree.

Nurse Ratchett pulls off my blankets. I am cool within a minute.

Now this is unbelievable, even I find it hard to believe:

Almost four days after my latest escape from hospital -- and I am still bloody furious. Unbelievable.

Out of perhaps two dozen measurements, *one* is high. I now have a record of a "temperature spike". Every other measurement -- before and after -- is normal. Now I have one "temperature spike".

So the surgeon immediately says that I need an extra day in hospital. This is when I lose it.

He also prescribes antibiotics. The first I know of this is when a nurse -- in the middle of the night -- tells me to swallow two pills.

I tell her -- though not in these words -- to bugger off.

For those who worry: I eventually get home. At home I take antibiotic tablets three times a day, with meals. No fuss.

Because Deb wants me to take them.

===

btw: I have absolute faith in the surgical skills of the surgeon. Four times I have put my life in his hands, with no doubts at all.

risking "Life" or perhaps "ability to think". Which to me is more important.

This is the surgeon who removed my original tumour. I will trust him to do it again -- as often as necessary.

But here's the thing -- I am not "cured". The cancer *will* come back. There is no cure. My cancer is *terminal*. So, sooner or later -- this cancer will kill me.

Till then... I try to enjoy life. I have my ups and downs but I think I mostly do okay.

Any day in hospital is a day which I  *cannot* enjoy.

One day, doctors will say... you are about to die very soon.

From that day... any day in hospital is a day on which I may as well be dead.

That's my feeling now... it may change.

I have learnt to hate and fear being in hospital. Rather... with a warm room, I hate and fear being in hospital because it is away from home.

===

Now I'll go back to bed.

I hope that I have calmed the absolute fury that comes with memories of the last two hospital stays.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

Question authority. Don't expect to like the answer." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

home. with bad memories

The point of this blog is to allow me to get things off my chest. More accurately... off my mind. It is my own view of what happens.

===

I have been home for a day. Had my best sleep for a week. Eaten food which exactly suits what I want. I am well rested. Feeling well.

I am still bloody furious.

===

The advantage of a thermostat in a room is that I can get the room to be warm enough for comfort. For *my* comfort.

I have the room warmed up. Plus a few blankets. I really do like to be warm.

A nurse takes my temperature. It's a fraction of a degree above normal. Yes, I feel my forehead and it does feel warm.

Throw off some blankets. within minutes I am back to normal... as usual.

From now on, every conversation refers to my "temperature spike".

===

Perhaps I have an infection? Where? I ask. I'm told that lung infections are common in hospitals.

Lung infection?? Does anyone pull out a stethoscope? Listen to my lungs? Not bloody likely.

First comment is, we'll have to keep you in hospital for an extra day. Plus a chest xray... eventually. Plus antibiotics. Why?! There is no evidence of infection -- just one temperature spike.

Why not an immediate xray? Or at least listen to my fucking breathing. No. Just, I'll have to stay an extra day.

What?! Do they get a bloody commission from the hospital?

I say that I would rather cough out my lungs at home, rather than stay in this hospital for an extra day. (Sorry Deb.)

Eventually I'm told, There's a nice doctor who will take some blood. Analyse it and -- within hours -- have identify any infection.

The doctor says, ... and I'll leave a cannula... No, don't, I say. I hate these bloody things stuck in my body.

He takes blood and leaves a cannula.

I hear no more....

Until the middle of the night: Here are your antibiotics. Oh, I ask, so the blood analysis has shown an infection? Not as far as this nurse knows. I tell her to bugger off with the antibiotics.

Next day -- as I'm leaving. Against medical advice. I ask, What are the results of the blood analysis? Clear, says the nurse.

So why the fuck is the story still: we want you for another day's stay, take these antibiotics, have a chest xray...The only evidence is that I am healthy. So wtf?!

Now that I'm home I take the antibiotics -- because Deb says so.

I do a lot of sleeping. With enough blankets to feel warm. And yes, my forehead did feel warm -- until I threw off one blanket.

If that's fever due to infection... then the antibiotics are a waste of time.

===

Now I'm home. Yes... I can imagine all sorts of symptoms.

I wish the doctor had suggested a CT scan -- to see if his drain works have actually worked... to see if my *actual* problem is fixed... it's too bloody easy to imagine a headache.

Is it really a good idea to take panadols -- to cover up the only symptom that is both obvious and possible?

No... forget the evidence... let's look for hidden symptom-less infections and stay in hospital. Rotting my spirit for no real reason.

No thanks. I'd rather feel well -- and be at home.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

Question authority. Don't expect to like the answer." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

home again

All well and I'm home again :-)

A major battle to escape the hospital ("against medical advice" again). But I had had enough. It may now be another place with my face on a "not wanted" poster...

Finally... my best night's sleep for a week.

I may post more later.

For now... all good. and phew :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

Question authority. Don't expect to like the answer." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

time passes

lets just say that the last hours have been unpleasant. certainly for the nurses.

a visitor -- is the highlight :-)

i cant go home today. deb is looking after our grandson. as i told deb, he takes priority. i can wait.

anyway, the doctors think that tomorrow is soon enough for me to go home.

gloss over the last few hours. which ended with me telling a nurse...

tell the doctors that i have poo-ed and pee-d and now i want to go home. enough said.

now i shall read for a bit. and watch the hours crawl by... slowly... like stepped on cockroaches.

waiting for tomorrow.

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===


As Conan says: What does not kill you
does not kill you

news...

bad

im in hospital. more brain draining

good

nothing to do with cancer, thats still on hold

good

the room has a thermostat, i am warm

the room smells like running gear that should have been washed days ago. doesnt really worry me

theres also a faint smell of piss... i had a catheter failure !?

all the comforting smells of... me.

bad  food

im not free till tomorrow. so im miserable

i went for a walk round the corridors. this place is a maze

good  my head drain is disconnected

removed?? so why did the nurse say to watch out for brain fluid leakage?!

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===


As Conan says: What does not kill you
does not kill you

the best thing that i packed for hospital is my wool beanie... so warm.

im also wearing a wool thermal. beanie and thermal go overvarious tubes but have not knocked anything out.

a nurse asked if i was moving about yet. that would be nice. but im stuck near the bed by catheter and brain drain tube.

a pleasant experience...

in icu i was given a bed wash... a young woman cleans me all over with a warm cloth. very nicw. and an odd sensation when my catheter tube is waved around by my response to the pleasant experience :-)

im lying flat on my back.tablet held up in the air. not the best for typing.

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===


As Conan says: What does not kill you
does not kill you

in a ward

I'm moved from icu to a ward. I'll be here for 48 hours. sitting up for meals. otherwise lying flat. draining blood. also letting blood flow into the brain. stop it shrinking any more.

good news... its not related to cancer. just old age.

first thing i do in the ward ... is sleep for an hour or two.

wake up cold. phone deb, ask her to bring bundles of arctic gear.

then call a nurse.

good grief! there is a thermostat in the room! the nurse resets it to 26... from 18, bloody hell, penguin temperature.

if the room gets to 26 i may be comfortable.

dinner arrives.

chicken in crumbs. the key flavour is stale grease.

theres a puddle ofcongealed grease on the plate, it adds a flavour of artificial lemon.

normally i like broccoli. today i remember the riddle... whats the difference between broccoli and snot? no way a kid will eat broccoli.

the bun was defrosted yesterday then left to solidify. with margarine :-(

i eat the fresh fruit, rather nice.

the room is still cold

dbut i think the ice may be melting.

warm enough that i may try crawling out of bed.

though im not sure why.

perhaps to see how high the thermostat goes.

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===


As Conan says: What does not kill you
does not kill you

a different hospital

friday. i need blood tests before hospital. deb takes. me

i tell the leech, dont worry if i faint. he extracts blood. i faint. told you so

as i recover, the leech asks, shall i ask your wife.. or is it daughter? to come in?

wife, i say. yes please but she will laugh.

deb comes in... she laughs. told you so

saturday. deb takes me to the hospital.by 8am

she comforts me. stays with me till i am calm. so nice :-)

to theatre about 11am

i wake up in icu.cool but warm enough :-)

oh, and im wearing abeanie over whatever is on or in my head

7:30, deb phones, i am fit to talk.

she says she will visit tomorrow... im sad... till.. turns out it is only 730 pm sat... i thought it was 730 am sunday.

i spend the day lying down

after midnight i am not sleeping, i get out the tablet... time to blog.

btw no news from the surgeon. except his notes that he found and cauterised a small leaking blood vessel

unless that was a dream...?

tomorrow, or later today, a scan qill show if i am still leaking blood.

now i mar try to sleep...

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===


As Conan says: What does not kill you
does not kill you