status and regrets

There's a "status" page on this blog. It's there so that anyone can easily see where I'm at. No need to read the drivel that appears every so often. This is how I am, now.

Except that I don't often update it. So, today I will. (Eventually!)

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There are regular gaps in my posts. If nothing happens -- nothing blog-relevant -- then I don't post.

Since my last scan -- nothing much has happened. So that's good :-)

I had been lost in Karrinyup shopping centre, a horrible place, designed to trap you inside.

Later, we go to Claremont Quarter. Much better. The layout is a multi-level rectangle, easy to understand. Okay, I still have trouble finding a specific shop -- but it's easy to walk round and look.

So that worked well.

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Sometimes I regret doing something. Or regret *not* doing something. For example, I regretted not staying up to watch when Australia won the Americas Cup... that regret lasted perhaps five minutes, I have no real interest in rich men's boats.

I have a bit more regret from not watching all the World Cup soccer.

When I watch, I enjoy it. Unless I have some interest in who will win, then I don't enjoy the stress.

I'm enjoying one game, it's nil-all... until I wake up and it's 2-1. I enjoy what I see, sleep through the stress. No regret.

We want to buy a Christmas tree. A real one, pine smell and all.

We drive to the tree farm. The only remaining trees are too large to fit in the house, let alone in the car.

Next day Deb goes to "the market" to look for a tree.

The market? I don't know where Deb means. I imagine a large shop.

Deb heads off, I'm still waking up, I stay home.

Then I check Deb's location on my phone. We share location. Mostly so that Deb can find me when I'm lost (or possibly collapsed, but not since that one time...)

I look at Deb's location and... understand which market she means.

It's a weekly market. We've been there before, bought a Christmas tree there. I can picture it.

It's not some strange scary place, it's familiar (sort of) nothing to worry about.

Except that I should be there. Keeping Deb company. Reassuring her that it's worth the effort.

I should be there with Deb. But I'm not.

And I regret it.

Yes, Deb gets a tree. The house now has tinsel, flashing lights, a tree -- and a pine tree smell. Excellent :-) Deb did well, of course.

But lesson learned:

I don't like strange new places. I'm uncomfortable with crowds. But... if I stop and think... it's not so bad.

Especially with Deb to keep an eye on me.

Next time -- I'll be there.

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Now for that status (which I shall copy onto the front page of the blog).

status at 7th December 2022

I'm well :-)

Physical:

The MRIs show shadows on my brain. The experts agree that it is radiation necrosis rather than tumour. A tumour would be fast growing -- and bad. The current shadow is growing but  slowly so not good but not dangerously bad. So that's good.

The cancer cells are still in there... waiting. Waiting more than five years so far, it's a bit embarrassing :-)

I have no vision to my left. My eyes are fine (for my age!) it's the brain that is the problem. Or, rather, it's the missing bit of brain. That problem will never be fixed.

I've lost a lot of fitness. The chemo treatment lost me some lung capacity. That slows my running but otherwise is no worry.

I'm back to running -- slowly but regularly. I have to watch out to my left. I try to be aerobic, to rebuild lung capacity.

Overall... I think I'm doing okay... for my age :-)

Mental:

Again... okay for my age :-)

I read, do crosswords, am having a phone app written.

I do have problems -- most of which are because it can be difficult to see things. I see okay but miss whatever is on the left. The start of words, for example. It's hard for me to quickly look at and understand something.

But I think -- I hope -- that most of the mental problems are related to vision.

Emotional:

Right now, I'm feeling fine.

Yet there is an underlying feeling of... being worried. Almost scared. Concerned... for Deb. Anger... at the state of the world, almost relief that I am not expected to see too much more of it.

But here and now -- very happy.

Keeping busy. Making plans. Doing this and that, not too much but enough to keep my mind on the present. Which is very good.

I can't claim to be feeling positive.

Nor am I feeling negative.

I'm in the live-life-as-it-comes zone. Which is where I want to be...

and that's something to be glad about :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

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"Yesterday I knew nothing. Today I know that." ... per Ginger Meggs

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)