symptoms? not yet

so, I've analysed, and cleared my mind, in the previous post. now we wait a month.

although, as usual, the doc asked if I had any "symptoms". what sort? no idea -- depends on how my brain responds to growing damage.

now, while waiting a month --I continue to watch out for undefined symptoms.

possibilities, i decide, are falling over, like the first time, or further loss of vision.

perhaps i should mention dizziness, which comes and goes -- and existed long before my cancer -- or tension headaches from too much reading, or... nooo. I'll just wait and watch for... anything :-)

What all this does is to make me more reluctant than ever to go anywhere by myself.

I'm adapting to looking but not recognising where i am. i don't want to fall over. not when by myself. actually, even less when I'm out with deb.

i go out anyway, to familiar places -- and let deb worry till she sees me again.

btw: for years, and still, i worry when deb is out by herself. we both worry far too much.

and we carry on regardless. but not at all rewardless.

so far, so good :-)

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===


Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood
   

what's inside?

the latest mri shows something on my brain. where nothing is supposed to be. whatever it is, it's bad.

the scan includes "perfusion", which shows up blood flow, which indicates tumour rather than necrosis.

Uh oh, says the cancer doc, it looks like a tumour. If it continues to grow... we'll open my skull and take a look-see.

Thinking about it, I realise that I don't really care what it is. There are several possibilities:

When I tell one son of the shadow on the scan he suggests... bad lighting :-)

Alternatively: 

(1) It could be an alien mind-control creature, in which case it needs to be removed before it escapes and expands to control the world.

(2) It could be another tumour, in which case it needs to be removed before it grows so large that there is no room in my skull for my brain.

(3) It could be more radiation necrosis. In which case it needs to be removed before it kills a more useful part of my brain.

None of the three can be cured, just removed.

So, whatever it is, it's nasty. 

If it grows -- I will need my skull opened so that it can be removed. Unless we can negotiate with (1).

Which brings me back to where I've been for eight years: wait and see. except that now --as it was right at the start -- the nasty thing is visible.

Not good but... so what?

Can't do anything so, sit back and -- on average --enjoy life :-)

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===


Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood
   

ages of humour

it's fun to watch a child learning about humour: What it is, why it's funny, what is funny.

I've spent years teaching our grandson some great "dad" jokes and riddles. It needs an awful lot of filtering. Some jokes depend on knowledge that he doesn't yet have. Some jokes are too nasty, some are too adult.Some are not funny (even by my standards). some jokes are unsuitable for a child, some are unsuitable for anyone. 

now his little sister wants to join in. for example:

Q Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The boy knows that it is A because chickens were not invented ROFL

The sister says, Because the dinosaur was walking somewhere and... she fades away.

It's very cute and sort of funny. Until...

Yesterday she is nearly in tears,

I can never answer the question :-( she says.

Oh.

So I hold up two hands, raise a finger on each, ask, how many fingers?

Two, she replies happily.

The little girl is pleased. And... so am I:-)

I'll ask more of these "riddles" Later, I may be able to add (then explain) some humour.

Meanwhile, where's my book of bad dad jokes :-?

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===


Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood
   

things to be glad about

Well, here are some things to be glad about:

(Oh, okay: Things about which to be glad :-)

... Before the scan, I was worried that, this time, it could be bad. Well, isn't it nice to sometimes be right :-)

... On the scan analysis I'm down as a 21-year-old male. I already feel fitter and younger :-)

The son who usually gives early warning of the scan results -- is overseas, so no early warning.

I'm not comfortable with him having to tell me, his father, whether the scan is good... or bad. Not something a son should have to do.

... I phoned an aunt and she is... not well, but well enough for an 85-year old with heart problems. So that's good :-)

And -- I'm still fit and well till at least the next scan :-) Even if that's only a month away.

I never want people to think that I am "fighting" cancer. There's no fight -- just following instructions and accepting treatment and waiting. Now there is nothing to be done except wait... so that's something to be glad about :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

===

Bandaid solutions hurt when they are removed.

...Dying for you to Read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com

uh oh :-(

Finally... significant change on my brain scan.

It's a cliche: the doc asks, do you have any travel plans?

The latest MRI scan shows a shadow -- which the experts believe may be a new tumour. About 3cm across (same size as the original).

The scans show (a) shadow of not-brain (tumour or necrosis) and (b) if the shadow is creating blood flow. Blood flow indicates active growth, ie probable tumour.

There's no way to be sure -- without opening the skull to have a look.

But first: I'll get another scan in just one month. If the shadow has grown then... uh oh indeed.

So it's definitely *not* good news. But -- for another month -- back to wait and see.

While waiting -- I watch my health. In particular, fading vision would be bad. Or, I guess, falling over would be bad.

I tell Deb to not worry. I think she's ignoring me.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

===

Bandaid solutions hurt when they are removed.

...Dying for you to Read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com

to be clear

I've had yet another mri of my brain. now i wait a week to get the results.

don't think that there is no worry.

i have continuous low level worry. no more, i guess, than anyone who has passed three score and ten. i worry just as much about deb, who is almost as old. for that matter, i even worry about the kids and grandkids, that's a part of being a parent.

i have occasional flashes of sharper worry.  mostly in the month or two before a scan. the impending scan reminds me of my cancer. then i remind myself that i am perfectly well -- until a scan says otherwise. after the scan it's, nothing i can do, so no use worrying.

right now my main worry is that Deb is worried. she's less cheerful than she should be. so i try to remain calm. to not act worried, eg i don't swear at the pc, which really should be replaced or fixed.

now that i think about it... the fact that i need to write this "not worried" post really does indicate that i am worried :-) to that i say, bah, humbug.

deb worries that if i go anywhere by myself, I'll get lost. i admit that i get confused in unfamiliar places.

last week, deb and i take the grandkids to a wildlife park. okay, deb takes us all, i just follow along.

we all go together into the darkened nocturnal house. when i get out, i am alone.

deb sends the boy through again, too look for me. and again.

finally, outside, we all find each other. I'm upset, deb is worried.

no wonder deb doesn't trust me to go out alone.

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===


Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood
   

scanned. now waiting

The scan is done. It'll be a week before we get the results.

As usual, anxiety is about the scan -- the results are, well, fixed now, so no great worry.

What we do discuss is more important: there's a major rogaine in WA in September. Can we get to it? We barely compete -- a control or two, if there are lots of tracks -- but we do enjoy the experience. And we'd enjoy a few days in the SW.

Also, there's a fun run in May. A son will do the 4km with his two young kids. I thought, Grandad could be there, cheer them on, do the 4km even slower than the little kids, get home somehow.

Deb, for some reason won't let me run without her, which would spoil some of the point -- to prove that I can follow 10,000 people without getting lost. Deb worries that I will get lost. The run is still under discussion...

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

===

Bandaid solutions hurt when they are removed.

...Dying for you to Read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com

scan and app

I get the usual text reminder of my next MRI. I phone, say I'll be there, make sure they have all necessary paperwork. All is okay. So, says the girl on the phone -- see you tomorrow.

Tomorrow!. is it that soon? oh. okay. Tomorrow then.

I find it hard to worry about the scan result. It's been a long time. Many scans. Worry comes in occasional flashes rather than just at scan time.

What I feel is almost-fear at the thought of the cannula into my vein. I never like that.

And annoyance at the change to my routine. It'll be a morning wasted. As though I had something else to do :-)

In my efforts to have TourismWA support or develop my app, I've had a fairly definite, No way. Which I shall deliberately misunderstands as, Try another approach. But that can't start for another week. (Oh! another week? so soon! Time flies :-)

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===


Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood
   

a good call

Waving my white stick gets various responses. For example:

We're out for a run. Following a bike and foot shared trail (in John Forrest).

A group of cyclists passes. One man calls out, Well, we won't ask you for directions...

That was a week ago. I still smile at the memory :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

===

Bandaid solutions hurt when they are removed.

...Dying for you to Read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com

grand children

The last week has involved some grandchild minding -- phew!

Two delightful children but... they are young and active and interested.

It was great fun :-) Now I am exhausted.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

===

Bandaid solutions hurt when they are removed.

...Dying for you to Read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com