Wednesday, January 31, 2018

training plan... progress?

You're probably wondering, How is my running training plan progressing? In just a few words: Not too bad at all...

Reality may not seem to be quite so positive.

Okay, last weekend I went orienteering. I covered 6.4km, did not get lost, came last. Still a bit slow!

Yesterday Deb & I entertained our grandson. We went to the toddlers' pool, I sat and watched. Then I had an afternoon nap -- I slept longer than the toddler. And yet...

In the last week or so I have done several training runs. 5km each time. My run speed would have me finishing the Cradle Mountain run in just a bit over 13 hours. Or just over 14 hours if I included some walking. So far so good!

Except that I would have to maintain that speed for 82km -- and I am glad to slow down after just five. Perhaps I am ready for 6km non-stop? Still another 76km to cover. Drat.

My training runs mostly cover a loop, from home and back again. It is a very *flat* loop. On limestone tracks. So: add mud & rocks & rough track. And add Cradle *Mountain*... Hmmm.

My longest ever trail run (or run of any kind) was just under 48km. Some hills, good gravel tracks. It took me seven hours 20... fast enough to run Cradle Mountain in less than 13 hours. Except for that mud & rock & rough track ... and mountain. Hmmm again.

Those long trail runs were "back when I was fit and healthy". And younger, though by just a couple of years :-) When I crashed out of the fun run into ED I was already setting my sights on half rather than full marathons... Mostly because I'm far too lazy to train. Especially for the longer distances.

Is it time to give up trying to run further? (But not necessarily faster.) No way!

Deb & I took up trail running about five years ago. Even then, my long term target was the Cradle Mountain run. Even then, I had no expectation that I would ever be fit enough to enter, let alone complete the run. So what has changed? Nothing much!

Same long term target. Same expectation. A new time limit of three years one month and a few days. No need to save my legs for later!

Reality indicates that I have little (or no) chance of running Cradle Mountain. Too bad! I do have the plan...

Okay, I have the vague direction. First, I get comfortable with 5km. Then six. Then... more. Then Cradle Mountain -- here I come!

No worries :-)







Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
===

"You're only young once but you can stay immature forever" … per Ginger Meggs

===

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

sweet & sour

Yesterday I throw out my sugar collection. Sorry kids, you can stop fighting over who inherits Dad's sugar collection. (You take it... No, *you* take it... nooo, you...)

Today I cried. Eh what?! Let's go back a bit...

Years ago I started collecting sugar sachets, those small paper containers holding "one serve" of sugar. My friend had said, Look at this one, it only holds *half* a serve! Well, I thought, let's test that theory...

It was too late to measure the content of that particular sachet, the sugar was already in the coffee. But, I reasoned, if one sachet is underweight then others will also be underweight. How accurate is the machine in the factory which produces sugar sachets?

The cynic in me also wondered, Will the "one serve" remain constant over time? Or will -- at some future date -- "one serve" be smaller than the current serve size? I decided to gather a few sample sachets, to compare their weights. Both "now" and over time.

Well, I never did weigh any of these sachets... but I did collect them. It became a habit.

I tried to get a range of different brands; already-collected brands were left for the cafe to throw away. Holidays were  a source of new brands: "sugar" in several different languages, all interesting. Cafe chains often had their own branded sachets. Individual cafes and hotels and restaurants had their own... I was always on the lookout for "unique": two of each.

A few years ago Deb complained that cockroaches were eyeing off my sugar collection. I had two or three kilos of sugar -- hundreds of sachets. All different colours and patterns, from around the world. I spent several long days sorting, putting like with like, removing the sugar... I had long ago lost interest in the actual sugar in each sachet, the wrapper was the thing.

And there it sat. Hundreds of sugar sachets, half with no sugar. (I never finished either emptying or sorting.) Some sorted by colour. I had some vague idea of creating a picture using sachets as the colours. (Though I have no artistic ability.)

Then I stopped collecting, largely because all of our holidays -- or coffees -- were in places using generic sugar sachets, nothing unique.

And a couple of years later, I've run out of time to "do something" with the sachets. Time to clear the desk...

Yesterday I cleared the desk. Placed two large shoe boxes full of sugar sachets into the bin. Today the rubbish was collected, the bin was emptied. I was relaxing after breakfast when I started crying.

I've had nearly five months of knowing that I have "terminal cancer". This is the first time that I have felt so miserable for so long. Even now -- if the bin were still waiting to be emptied -- I would rush outside and salvage my sugar collection.

My sugar collection was stupid but it was my stupid. No one else (as far as I know) is stupid in the same way. It took me years to collect all those sachets. They represented a future action -- perhaps a pointless work of art -- which I knew would never happen. But which was always there. Always possible.

Now that future action is impossible. The sugar is gone. Years of collecting is trashed, I will never be able to rebuild the collection. Nothing else -- nothing cancer  related -- has affected me as badly. It made me cry. It still upsets me.

It's a practical reminder that my future is, indeed, limited.

Bugger.

Then Deb went out and bought me a small Meccano kit. Deb is so sweet :-) It does make me feel better. A good night's sleep will also help.

And such are the trials and tribulations of life.

Speaking of which: There's still no absolute date set for the end of life! So... time to enjoy what's left. Sugar sachets or not :-)







Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
===

"You're only young once but you can stay immature forever" … per Ginger Meggs

===

Monday, January 22, 2018

and so it passes...

In the spirit of scientific study, Sunday was spent testing various treatments for constipation. In the spirit of human decency I won't document the full story. Just try not to think of ... well, just try not to think of it.

End result: Monday evening and I'm eating again. Feeling well enough to over-eat, trying not to. Innards suffering the effects of shock, feeling a mild uncertainty... but I'd call it, "Cured". Now for a few weeks of gradual improvement :-)
===

Here's an interesting concept:

Doctors give you Drug A which has unfortunate side-effects B. So they add Drug C to fight side-effect B. Drug C has its own side-effect D. So you are given drug E to counter D... and so on. Until:

When the side-effect is "constipation", doctors breathe a sigh of relief. Because... there are many and varied treatments for constipation. And many of those treatments are both effective -- and have no further side-effects. So the side-effect shuffle can cease.

Interesting!

I'm almost looking forward to testing next month's A B C D side-effect shuffle. Though I shall try to be a bit more proactive... The more I test, the more proactive I can be :-)






Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
===

"You're only young once but you can stay immature forever" … per Ginger Meggs

===

Sunday, January 21, 2018

how to use a suppository

I spent an hour or two tonight, testing & learning how to use a suppository. Do you want to know how to do it? Don't bother reading what I have learnt.

On Friday I finished five days of chemo, five days of swallowing chemo tablets. I balanced the "nausea" side-effect with a daily "anti-nausea" tablet. Instead of being sick -- vomiting -- I now have constipation. So, out with the constipation-curing suppository.

Bring out "the bum bomb"!

It's simple to use: shove it up my backside and wait.

So...

Have you ever shoved something up your backside? (Truth to tell -- I do not want to know your answer.) All that I have ever shoved up my backside is the very occasional bum bomb. Which is a little longer and a little thinner than the last knuckle of my little finger. Small and slippery.

So... shove it up my backside.

Just where is my backside? Okay, I know the one that I can usually find with both hands, even with my eyes closed. But what I need is the anus, the opening. It's in there somewhere, in the crack of my bum... Ah, that's it. Shove in the bum bomb...

And here I learn an important lesson of constipation: constipation comes in two parts. (a) A solid lump which will not go out and (b) a tightly clenched anus which will not let it out.

Along with (b) is the tightly clenched anus which resists the insertion of the bum bomb.

Still... I find the anus. Line up the bum bomb. Get it started. And... push! Slowly but steadily. carefully. And... finally... the bum bomb is inserted.

I should mention: The bum bomb is the consistency of firm jelly. Not quite as firm as a jellybaby. As I push, the bomb tends to bend. Let it bend too far -- and it just lies flat along the base of the bum crack. I know, I did this several times.

Anyway... the suppository is finally inserted. I relax. Will it work?

Two minutes later I have the urgent need to go to the toilet... I sit, I shit... except that I don't really shit. What comes out is the almost intact bum bomb. I leave it sitting in the toilet bowl.

Fail number one.

Meanwhile, Deb has searched the internet for instructions. She reads them out to me. This is not something that Deb wants to watch... I wait till she goes to bed, then follow the instructions:

Lie on my left side, left leg straight out.

Raise right knee. Insert bum bomb. For some reason, it stings ! Never done that before... Oh well, grin and bare it and bear it...

Maintain position. Have you ever tried to lie down with one knee stuck up in the air? I try leaning the knee against a sofa. That works, for about a minute. I'm struggling, the knee is uncomfortable, the whole leg is under strain. I manage to maintain position until...

Until I have the desperate urge to go to the toilet.

And -- you guessed it! -- what comes out is bum bomb! Or, at least, what's left of it, which is not much. When I wipe my backside there is, indeed, a smear of poo. Better than nothing! There is also a smear of blood. It's time to give up.

Fail number two.

I go to bed.

But can't sleep. So I get up and write this post. And wonder if I'll try another bum bomb -- or something else -- tomorrow.

It's been... interesting. I've learnt something about how to insert a suppository. Or, rather, I've learnt a few things which do not work :-)
===

DrT -- the oncologist -- refers to "nausea" and "anti-nausea". In practical terms the choice seems to be, vomit each morning or suffer constipation towards the end of the week. I may just go back to vomit... at least it ends comfortably.
===

Apart from that -- it's been a good week :-) Well, okay, my stomach did not want food but did not reject it, either. I slept for most of 48 hours at the end of the week. But that's the end of chemo for another three weeks.

This (Saturday) afternoon I went orienteering, a short course. I went with Deb's sister, for the good company and... as reassurance, just in case I collapsed, which I did not :-) In fact, I felt better for having walked the 2km course.

Now it's time to go back to bed and hope that the constipation sorts itself out. I don't want to be like the constipated mathematician (yes, I know it's an old joke): he worked it out with paper and pencil...










Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
===

"Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something." … Robert A. Heinlein

===

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Hair today...

Tuesday, mid-morning:

The extra-strong anti-nausea tablet seems to have done its job! I've eaten breakfast and kept it down. And I feel quite well. Well enough that Deb and I are about to head out for coffee and cake.

Despite my feeling well, Deb has a problem: surely my hair embarrasses me? Well, no... because *I* can't see it :-)

So I had Deb take a photo... Bald in patches, a scar still visible. Okay, so it does look embarrassing... Luckily, though, it does not embarrass me... Although  I must admit that I would rather not have looked at the scar. Yuk!







====    Dr Nick Lethbridge
Flâneur / Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems? Solved.
===

"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity." … Robert A. Heinlein
===

notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au
====
   

side-effects

Monday, I start the next round of five days chemo. On the bright side, it's just a matter of waking up at home and swallowing pills. Easy enough.

This week, I move up to my highest dose ever. During radiation treatment I took 140mg of this chemo, every day for seven weeks. With no nasty side-effects. (Being tired is not "nasty".) When radiation was finished I moved up to 300mg chemo five days in a row, then nothing for three weeks. I was sick for the first two days then stopped that by judicious timing of a "mild" anti-nausea pill.

This Monday, I move up to 400mg for each of five days.

This drug has a known side-effect of "nausea". To me, nausea is that feeling you get when you want to be sick -- to vomit -- but nothing happens. Nothing happens -- but you wish it would. Your stomach is in turmoil, your head is in sympathetic turmoil. You may be able to lie down -- but the fear of chundering means that you don't relax. All you can do is to sit -- or stand -- or walk -- until, finally, you are actually sick. Face down in the toilet, wasting your last meal.

I've been sea-sick. Being sea-sick is my understanding of nausea. It's awful. That's not the way that this chemo affects me.

Monday, I take a "mild anti-nausea" tablet. Wait a while (as instructed). Take my chemo. Go back to bed.

The chemo has to be swallowed on an empty stomach. Then there is no eating for at least half an hour. I find it easiest to wake up in the wee small hours of the morning, take the pills, go back to bed again.

So I sleep. Wake up as the radio alarm wakes Deb up. Lie in bed listening to the news. Think, Uh oh... and go to the downstairs toilet to be sick.

No nausea. Just a feeling -- a one-minute warning -- of impending vomit. My stomach indicates impending eruption. My mouth starts to drool. I have plenty of time to prepare. Which I do...

And the rest of the morning is pretty much similar. Except that I stay downstairs... within easy reach of the toilet.

Deb goes to work. I stay home... close to the toilet. Actual food has had time to digest, it passes through in the normal fashion. Well, the first lot is normal. The next lot is mostly liquid. At least it's going in the correct direction. What I vomit is very small quantities of clear, tasteless... stuff.

As the morning progresses, I vomit less often. In between, I sit and read and sleep. With longer gaps between being sick I am relaxed enough to sleep more and more.

About 1:30 I start to eat again... a couple of dry crackers. No worries. I try a scone, it stays down. By dinner-time I am eating normally, though less than usual. (See, it's not all bad!) And in between eating -- I sleep... From "lunch-time" till I go to bed I may have been awake for an hour or two. When I go to bed -- I sleep soundly.

Until it's time to start again...

Tuesday: I wake up just after 3am. Get up to take my daily dose of pills. Find that rain has seeped in and dribbled down the light over the meals-area table. Mumble grumble. I look for the source of the leak -- no luck. Oh well, the rain has stopped, for now.

I swallow a more powerful anti-nausea tablet. Wait the required time. Swallow 400mg of chemo.

I may go back to bed for an hour or so. Or I may just sit downstairs... near the toilet... while I wait to find out if the more powerful anti-nausea drug has a more effective effect.

And on the bright side: it's only five days of chemo. Then I have three weeks' break, before the next five days.

For the next few days I'll either manage the "nausea" side-effects -- or put up with it. And if I sleep for most of each day? Well... no worries at all :-)







Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
===

"Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something." … Robert A. Heinlein

===

Thursday, January 11, 2018

time to try harder?

When I've been sick -- stomach & chundering sick, that is -- it always takes a while to start eating again. There's the lingering feeling that a mouthful of food may restart the problem... But I won't feel better till I have started eating again.

I have a similar situation with my current health and fitness:

Should I try running, or will that send me back to the Emergency Department? Should I sleep all day because I'm sick -- or should I do some exercise so that I get fitter and no longer have to sleep all day? Am I suffering the long-term effects of drugs and radiation or am I just feeling "slow" after months of being knocked around?

In practical terms: should I continue to avoid all but the most gentle of exercise -- or am I now ready to push a bit harder in order to (re)gain some physical fitness?

I believe that I am ready push a bit harder.

I'm not a natural athlete. It took me years to get to a level where marathons were possible. Even then my target was to finish rather than to gain a particular time.

My training -- and fun-running -- emphasised running without injury. I was happy to be exhausted at the end of a run. But if I began to hurt -- I would slow down. The last thing that I wanted was to have to stop running due to an injury.

Well... it seems that running injuries are now less important. It seems unlikely that I will have many long years in which to be sorry that I am no longer running! So (a) I think it's time to do some training and (b) I can push harder -- if I want to -- because I expect less years in which a sporting injury could stop me running.

Good news: my excuses for being a couch potato are losing validity :-)

Deb & I were driving & walking (just a bit) in the hills last week. Looking at the bush I realised how much I miss trail running. Partly for the satisfaction of the running, largely because there is such pleasure in running through the bush. Another reason for getting fit again...

So, I decided, it's time to set a goal. A running goal. A fitness goal.

Not a bucket list goal, I'm not interested in a bucket list. What I want is a long-term target. If I make it, fine. If I don't make it, no worries, I'll be dead and not worrying. Or, perhaps, injured -- but that will just be an extra hurdle in the long-term plan.

I have reinstated the goal which I set when we first started trail running: I plan to do the Cradle Mountain Run. In keeping with my lifetime planning horizon I have three years, one month and several days in which to prepare for and complete the run. So that's February 2021 to do the run.

Okay, there are a few problems.

I set this same target in 2013, when I was unfit but healthy. By 2017 the run was nowhere near feasible. There are entry criteria; I had still not met the entry criteria for the runs which are part of the entry criteria... Not to worry, it's still a good target.

A major problem for the plan is that I am too lazy to train. I depend on Deb training, I will train with her but a little harder. When Deb doesn't train, nor do I. For Cradle Mountain -- I may have to train more than Deb does; that will be a serious problem.

There are also the problems which have affected me over the last few months. Things such as surgery and radiation treatment, which should now be finished. Side-effects of drugs, which may hold me back for the one week in four when I am on chemo.

Other, minor problems with unknown causes: My hands sometimes tremble, I don't remember having that a year ago. An occasional feeling of instability, that if I turn too suddenly I may fall over; that also seems to be new. Shortness of breath when I bend over.

That last -- shortness of breath -- I think I know the cause. It's the ten kg that I have gained in the last few months. The waistband of my pants are now a tight fit, when I bend over I just can't breathe in... I can't afford to gain more weight, or I'll need to buy a lot of new clothes.

The trembling & instability, though: are they a result of cancer? or of its treatment? or are they simply something that happens as I get older? I don't know. I'll just have to be watch what happens and deal with it... or put up with it.

So I have a running target which fits within the three-year-plus-a-bit planning horizon. Will I get there? Probably not... but that does not matter :-) It's a target, a point at which to aim. Most importantly, it's a target which may just encourage me to get running again.

Meanwhile, on a somewhat related topic: Having a three year planning horizon is good, much better than living with the statistical -- uncertain -- expectation that I could die withing twelve months. Having a running goal -- no matter how unrealistic -- is another positive feeling. Overall, though: how am I feeling?

I do have some bad days -- or bad hours -- when I am depressed. When I just can't be bothered doing things which I know need doing. I wonder if sleeping a lot is just part of that depression? A way to "excuse" not doing anything. I do know that I read a lot, just to take my mind off whatever is currently top of my worry list.

Then I complete some minor task... or set myself a ridiculous running goal... and I feel better :-)

Now all I need to do is to complete more items on my to-do list... and to actually start training... and all will be good.

Though for tonight... I plan to read a bit. Because I *don't* look forward to next week's chemo. At a new, higher dosage. Blehh!

Oh well, that's *next* week.

This week has been tiring -- lots has been happening. All very tiring but most has been fun. Tomorrow... I hope to do very little. I plan to rest and recover! Or, perhaps... to do something useful. Perhaps :-)





Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
===

"Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something." … Robert A. Heinlein

===


Virus-free. www.avast.com

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

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For those who regularly read this blog: all is well !

I'm not posting much, this is because not much is happening.

... Physically I am fine. Feeling a lot better -- a little better each day -- for having finished the five days of anti-cancer chemo. I still sleep a lot and tire easily though that may be related to:

... My worst problems are mental. I accept that I am depressed. It's much harder to accept -- and write about -- mental rather than physical problems. Still, future posts will give details. Meanwhile: don't worry, I'm depressed but not seriously. I expect to deal with it.

... Interestingly -- having checked & double-checked my thinking: I am worried -- depressed -- by worries about other people, Deb in particular. My own death is much easier to accept. Either that or I really am good at fooling myself!

... How I will deal with my depression is still uncertain. I have some thoughts, will I put them into practice? However, having accepted that I need to do something -- I feel better already :-)

... I'll post again when I have thought some more about what I should be doing. (It's that mental thing, much harder to deal with -- and write about -- than the physical.) I hope that I will have some good plans before the 15th of January... when the next cycle of chemo will start to stuff up my physical state.

Meanwhile, I do have a serious concern: After all this acceptance of my impending death... if I am still alive in another twelve months... boy! will I be embarrassed!

Happy New Year, reader :-)




Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
===

"Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something." … Robert A. Heinlein

===