Yesterday I throw out my sugar collection. Sorry kids, you can stop fighting over who inherits Dad's sugar collection. (You take it... No, *you* take it... nooo, you...)
Today I cried. Eh what?! Let's go back a bit...
Years ago I started collecting sugar sachets, those small paper containers holding "one serve" of sugar. My friend had said, Look at this one, it only holds *half* a serve! Well, I thought, let's test that theory...
It was too late to measure the content of that particular sachet, the sugar was already in the coffee. But, I reasoned, if one sachet is underweight then others will also be underweight. How accurate is the machine in the factory which produces sugar sachets?
The cynic in me also wondered, Will the "one serve" remain constant over time? Or will -- at some future date -- "one serve" be smaller than the current serve size? I decided to gather a few sample sachets, to compare their weights. Both "now" and over time.
Well, I never did weigh any of these sachets... but I did collect them. It became a habit.
I tried to get a range of different brands; already-collected brands were left for the cafe to throw away. Holidays were a source of new brands: "sugar" in several different languages, all interesting. Cafe chains often had their own branded sachets. Individual cafes and hotels and restaurants had their own... I was always on the lookout for "unique": two of each.
A few years ago Deb complained that cockroaches were eyeing off my sugar collection. I had two or three kilos of sugar -- hundreds of sachets. All different colours and patterns, from around the world. I spent several long days sorting, putting like with like, removing the sugar... I had long ago lost interest in the actual sugar in each sachet, the wrapper was the thing.
And there it sat. Hundreds of sugar sachets, half with no sugar. (I never finished either emptying or sorting.) Some sorted by colour. I had some vague idea of creating a picture using sachets as the colours. (Though I have no artistic ability.)
Then I stopped collecting, largely because all of our holidays -- or coffees -- were in places using generic sugar sachets, nothing unique.
And a couple of years later, I've run out of time to "do something" with the sachets. Time to clear the desk...
Yesterday I cleared the desk. Placed two large shoe boxes full of sugar sachets into the bin. Today the rubbish was collected, the bin was emptied. I was relaxing after breakfast when I started crying.
I've had nearly five months of knowing that I have "terminal cancer". This is the first time that I have felt so miserable for so long. Even now -- if the bin were still waiting to be emptied -- I would rush outside and salvage my sugar collection.
My sugar collection was stupid but it was my stupid. No one else (as far as I know) is stupid in the same way. It took me years to collect all those sachets. They represented a future action -- perhaps a pointless work of art -- which I knew would never happen. But which was always there. Always possible.
Now that future action is impossible. The sugar is gone. Years of collecting is trashed, I will never be able to rebuild the collection. Nothing else -- nothing cancer related -- has affected me as badly. It made me cry. It still upsets me.
It's a practical reminder that my future is, indeed, limited.
Bugger.
Then Deb went out and bought me a small Meccano kit. Deb is so sweet :-) It does make me feel better. A good night's sleep will also help.
And such are the trials and tribulations of life.
Speaking of which: There's still no absolute date set for the end of life! So... time to enjoy what's left. Sugar sachets or not :-)
Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
... Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
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"You're only young once but you can stay immature forever" … per Ginger Meggs
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A sleep does help. Cheers col
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