Not Dead Yet !: time to try harder?

When I've been sick -- stomach & chundering sick, that is -- it always takes a while to start eating again. There's the lingering feeling that a mouthful of food may restart the problem... But I won't feel better till I have started eating again.

I have a similar situation with my current health and fitness:

Should I try running, or will that send me back to the Emergency Department? Should I sleep all day because I'm sick -- or should I do some exercise so that I get fitter and no longer have to sleep all day? Am I suffering the long-term effects of drugs and radiation or am I just feeling "slow" after months of being knocked around?

In practical terms: should I continue to avoid all but the most gentle of exercise -- or am I now ready to push a bit harder in order to (re)gain some physical fitness?

I believe that I am ready push a bit harder.

I'm not a natural athlete. It took me years to get to a level where marathons were possible. Even then my target was to finish rather than to gain a particular time.

My training -- and fun-running -- emphasised running without injury. I was happy to be exhausted at the end of a run. But if I began to hurt -- I would slow down. The last thing that I wanted was to have to stop running due to an injury.

Well... it seems that running injuries are now less important. It seems unlikely that I will have many long years in which to be sorry that I am no longer running! So (a) I think it's time to do some training and (b) I can push harder -- if I want to -- because I expect less years in which a sporting injury could stop me running.

Good news: my excuses for being a couch potato are losing validity :-)

Deb & I were driving & walking (just a bit) in the hills last week. Looking at the bush I realised how much I miss trail running. Partly for the satisfaction of the running, largely because there is such pleasure in running through the bush. Another reason for getting fit again...

So, I decided, it's time to set a goal. A running goal. A fitness goal.

Not a bucket list goal, I'm not interested in a bucket list. What I want is a long-term target. If I make it, fine. If I don't make it, no worries, I'll be dead and not worrying. Or, perhaps, injured -- but that will just be an extra hurdle in the long-term plan.

I have reinstated the goal which I set when we first started trail running: I plan to do the Cradle Mountain Run. In keeping with my lifetime planning horizon I have three years, one month and several days in which to prepare for and complete the run. So that's February 2021 to do the run.

Okay, there are a few problems.

I set this same target in 2013, when I was unfit but healthy. By 2017 the run was nowhere near feasible. There are entry criteria; I had still not met the entry criteria for the runs which are part of the entry criteria... Not to worry, it's still a good target.

A major problem for the plan is that I am too lazy to train. I depend on Deb training, I will train with her but a little harder. When Deb doesn't train, nor do I. For Cradle Mountain -- I may have to train more than Deb does; that will be a serious problem.

There are also the problems which have affected me over the last few months. Things such as surgery and radiation treatment, which should now be finished. Side-effects of drugs, which may hold me back for the one week in four when I am on chemo.

Other, minor problems with unknown causes: My hands sometimes tremble, I don't remember having that a year ago. An occasional feeling of instability, that if I turn too suddenly I may fall over; that also seems to be new. Shortness of breath when I bend over.

That last -- shortness of breath -- I think I know the cause. It's the ten kg that I have gained in the last few months. The waistband of my pants are now a tight fit, when I bend over I just can't breathe in... I can't afford to gain more weight, or I'll need to buy a lot of new clothes.

The trembling & instability, though: are they a result of cancer? or of its treatment? or are they simply something that happens as I get older? I don't know. I'll just have to be watch what happens and deal with it... or put up with it.

So I have a running target which fits within the three-year-plus-a-bit planning horizon. Will I get there? Probably not... but that does not matter :-) It's a target, a point at which to aim. Most importantly, it's a target which may just encourage me to get running again.

Meanwhile, on a somewhat related topic: Having a three year planning horizon is good, much better than living with the statistical -- uncertain -- expectation that I could die withing twelve months. Having a running goal -- no matter how unrealistic -- is another positive feeling. Overall, though: how am I feeling?

I do have some bad days -- or bad hours -- when I am depressed. When I just can't be bothered doing things which I know need doing. I wonder if sleeping a lot is just part of that depression? A way to "excuse" not doing anything. I do know that I read a lot, just to take my mind off whatever is currently top of my worry list.

Then I complete some minor task... or set myself a ridiculous running goal... and I feel better :-)

Now all I need to do is to complete more items on my to-do list... and to actually start training... and all will be good.

Though for tonight... I plan to read a bit. Because I *don't* look forward to next week's chemo. At a new, higher dosage. Blehh!

Oh well, that's *next* week.

This week has been tiring -- lots has been happening. All very tiring but most has been fun. Tomorrow... I hope to do very little. I plan to rest and recover! Or, perhaps... to do something useful. Perhaps :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

... Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

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