A couple of celebrities (a singer & a golfer) have recently been reported as dying after a "battle" with cancer. After a battle ?! I have this image of guns firing, troops charging, dead bodies to the left and right... So I check the dictionary definition.
Okay, I'm wrong. It's perfectly legit to "battle" a disease. To try hard to do something in spite of very difficult circumstances. With specific mention of battling against a disease. Still...
I don't feel that *I* am in a "battle" against cancer. Perhaps a rather one-sided resistance movement: I accept treatment that has some chance of helping but I am not planning to stuff up my life with desperate last-ditch attempts to stave off the inevitable. I'd rather enjoy what I have... though I am willing to put positive attitude to the test :-)
It's just that "battle" sounds so nasty, so unpleasant... so negative.
If I am in a battle -- it's against myself. There are good days -- and there are bad days. Emotionally, that is. Physically I am -- at present -- fine. Why should I let imminent death spoil my day ? Except for the "imminent", it happens to everyone.
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On an unrelated topic: doctors and euthanasia. An oncologist -- cancer doctor -- was in the paper the other day, arguing against euthanasia. He works at the hospital where I had my head opened. (And closed :-) I must ask "my" oncologist on her opinion on euthanasia.
Not that I plan on euthanasia for myself but I am a strong supporter of the option. Largely because I see it as a personal choice which should be generally available. If euthanasia is legal, the impact on the person and on their friends and relatives can be managed.
So I don't want to be treated -- for a terminal illness -- by a doctor who is against euthanasia. Just on general principles. And... what other options could they also be refusing to consider ?
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I write this blog because it makes me feel better. It takes my worries and puts them aside, so I can stop worrying. It's also an easy way to let people know how I am -- if they are interested.
Having posted to this blog, I also feel less need to "talk it over". That is, less need to mention death & dying in general conversation. So how do I feel about death & dying in general conversation ? I could talk about it all day...
I'm happy to talk about my dying of cancer. I'm happy to talk, in fact. Just ask my friends and family. Cancer is one topic on which I have something to say. I remind myself that -- like children & grandchildren & the state of the world & what I would do if I ruled the world & this funny joke that I just read(*) -- I remind myself that not everyone wants to hear it.
Doesn't mean that I'm not willing to talk :-) Anyone gives me a conversational opening, I'll fill it. Oh, if I have time, I will also listen to you...
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(*) eg: A woman tells her friend, Last night I slept with a Brazilian man. OMG, says her friend, How many is a Brazilian ?!
… rofl
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This next bit comes (mostly) under the heading of "old age". Still, it's a quiet night and it's relevant to the blog title. So:
I have two forms of dizziness. First, when I wake up, if I stand up too suddenly -- I am dizzy, I take a few seconds to be able to walk straight. Second, when I lie down -- the room spins, if I wasn't lying down I would fall over. Two different forms of dizziness.
The first is due to old age. At first I believed it was low blood pressure, when I stand up it takes a while for the blood to push its way up to my brain. Latest thought is that it is degeneration of the "balance hairs" in my ears. That makes more sense. It's my current theory because scientists have just managed to grow new balance hairs; they seem to think that it is important.
The second form of dizziness is due to too much playing of World of Warcraft. Too bad :-)
And -- while writing about symptoms: I still have pins & needles on the soles of my feet. Minor, regular, a little worse after running. A side-effect of the cancer drugs, I believe. That -- and a less-settled digestion than pre-cancer treatment -- are the only symptoms of anything wrong with me. Only symptoms I can be sure of, anyway.
Some things -- such as dizziness -- are due to age or inactivity. I think. No serious symptoms of cancer. And that's something to be glad about :-)
Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
... Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
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"When it comes to ideas, some people will stop at nothing." … per Ginger Meggs
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