For a while I thought that I could be an Epicurean. Pleasure, writes Epicurus, is the greatest good. In part, we seek pleasure by learning how the world works. I agree with that, though I also believe that it's vital to understand ourselves. Not just "the world".
Unfortunately Epicurus also writes that we should find our pleasure in a simple life. No thanks... not unless computers are a part of that simple life.
But what really makes me consider Epicurus is his approach to death; it seems to be exactly what I believe: When we are dead we are nothing -- so we will not be suffering. Nothing to fear because when we are dead... we don't know anything about it.
Of course there's still that transitional phase, the transition from life to death. There are many horrible ways to do that. But... once it's done... no more worries. Not for the dead person, anyway.
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So if death is nothing to fear... why do I feel the urge to be fit ? It's because of the transition phase, the bit that is still "life". I certainly don't want to suffer. Being reasonably fit does not prevent cancer but it does make it easier to deal with the cancer treatment. So, while alive and capable, I may as well try to be fit.
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It also seems helpful to have a positive -- cheerful -- attitude. And I have, in the last couple of weeks, felt quite good: more cheerful (though it may not be obvious!) and wanting to "do something". Why is it so ?
First possibility: side effects of a week's walking holiday. I can't say that I was rapt in what we were doing; walking along a coastline is not my favourite. But there was some satisfaction in finally being able to say, I did it.
A related possibility: running a 14km fun run. No matter how slow, it's a great feeling to have finished. It makes me want to run some more. I enjoy fun runs -- especially trail runs -- and am looking forward to more of them.
Another possibility: enjoying the company. I was walking with Deb, so there's a natural source of pleasure. Deb's sister walked with us, she's good company. And then there's an aspect which I should not mention...
Spending a week of Spring with two attractive women -- and no serious distraction -- makes me think of sex. Yet -- this being my wife and her sister sharing accommodation -- sex is not going to happen. So I end the week with a warm glow of, Wouldn't it be fun if … :-) Frustration, yes. But the pleasure of imagination, definitely.
Third possibility: a better balance of belief. I know that I have an aggressive & terminal cancer. The question is, *when* will it kill me ? I balance two beliefs: I believe that the cancer will kill me within the next year; I believe that I will live for quite a few years yet.
The two beliefs are contradictory but both are essential. I refuse to clutch at the false hope that my version of cancer is not really aggressive. I refuse to stop living just because I am dying. I intend to live as though I will live forever -- while not being too upset when I am proven wrong.
I balance these two contradictory beliefs. When I get the balance wrong I am either in cheerful denial, or in miserable fear of dying. (Fear of dying, not of death. That much is successfully Epicurean :-)
There is a possibility that my sudden improvement of mood is due to getting a better balance: enjoying life while quietly accepting its possible limitation.
A final possibility: the weather has been warmer and I always cheer up when the weather warms up !
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Most of this post is just me being over-analytical. Forget the rest... Boy, am I glad that the weather is finally warming up !
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Finally: I have a quote which I thought would fit well with this post. Here I am at the end and I haven't found a place where it naturally fits. Perhaps I'm too tired to see the fit... so I just dump it here at the end.
It seems to me to be a valid philosophy. Straightforward. Honest. No gloss, no false hope. Acceptance that what is, is.
It may have been Conan the Barbarian who said it: "That which does not kill us, does not kill us."
That's good enough for me.
Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
... Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
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"If money won't make you happy, you won't like poverty either." … Ginger Meggs
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Agreed
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