between scan and results

So I have my brain MRI-ed on Monday. Won't know the results till later in the week. Yet immediately feel more positive ! The scan was easy, what could go wrong :-)

I'll post the results when they are available...

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Tuesday is mind-the-grandson day, I'm less exhausted than usual. Okay, I do close my eyes and micronap -- but only when sitting, watching Deb entertain the boy. When we are all at the playground, I am wide awake. And enjoying myself.

There are hordes of other children, our toddler chats and plays with them. Some of them play back... Some of the adults try to understand the conversation, as our grandson tells complete strangers all about whatever it is that has caught his attention. It's easy child-minding and very enjoyable.

At the end of the "working" day I am straight into World of Warcraft. It's a relaxing way to keep mentally active while having the mind switched off. That is, the game occupies enough of my mind to stop me worrying about anything else, and the game-play does not require much mental effort.

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Then -- after dinner -- I read a book.

I have always read a lot but now, what I want to read has changed. I want light and simple. I struggle to keep reading books which I would expect to enjoy. Hard science fiction, ludicrous levels of over-the-top violence, desperate battles by complex and long-suffering heroes -- no longer appeal. I now want simple, with not too much suffering.

I always read fiction for escapism. Great literature is okay -- as long as it is also a great adventure. I am now less tolerant of anything which interferes with my simple enjoyment. I'm reading (re-re-reading) the entire Harry Potter series. Yes, he suffers, I read quickly over those section. But it's a great story and I know that it will end happily. I also know the few characters for whom it will not end happily. I like the heroes and their friends. It is familiar, positive, uplifting, enjoyable... a great way to maintain my good mood. It works :-)

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Here's another example of "symptoms" which are not:

In the middle of the night, when I get up to go to the toilet, I need to be careful as I stand up. If I stand too quickly I may fall over. As I start to walk away from the bed, I may trip over. Sounds bad ?

For more years than I can remember, standing up suddenly can make me dizzy. I blame low blood pressure, it takes a few seconds for the blood to get used to pumping uphill. So, nothing new there.

Why do I trip over ? Because I throw the heavy quilt off the bed and onto the floor -- next to the bed. As I start walking... I trip over the quilt.

Nope, those are not symptoms of any disease. I'm still -- almost -- very healthy :-)

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One funny thing, though: When I wake up in the middle of the night -- my mind goes into overdrive. It's usually a song, an "ear worm" which I can't stop playing in my mind. Playing fast and loud. I wake up and a song is playing, non-stop. Usually one of the easy-to-remember songs from our ABC for Kids CD.

It's a sign -- I think -- that I am not completely relaxed. My mind is tense, wanting to be hyperactive. I won't allow myself to worry -- so the mind spins up the music.

It's not a worry. It is, however, one reason why I don't remember many dreams. I wake up from a dream. Think, That was interes... Beep Beep ! Buckle up ! Beep beep... etc. All memory of the dream disappears under the weight of the song.

The only worry is... Even with simple songs for toddlers -- I still can only sing a few lines. Which I repeat on endless loop. And I know that if I tried to sing it aloud -- it would not be a recognisable tune :-( That's okay, I have a life-long inability to sing a tune :-)

====    Dr Nick Lethbridge  /  Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems? Solved.
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"Real people don't make very good politicians." … Ginger Meggs
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dying for you to read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au :-)
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