Naaahh! It's all good :-)

My last post, I'm not sure whether my scan results are good... or not. Naaahhh... it's definitely good :-)

Something shows up on the brain. It was not there on the previous scan but it was there on the scan before that. If it's a tumour -- it's an unusual one that comes and goes. Which is fine, if it goes again. If it's radiation damage or a cockroach -- that's fine, no worries.

So the odds are -- no worries. The next scan -- in six weeks -- will tell more. Till then and possibly after -- it's all good :-)

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You know what my first thought is, when this scan shows... well... that I'm good for at least six more weeks? I thought, Bother, all those things that I should do before I die... I have another six weeks in which I should do them. Oh, the guilt... for not doing them. Sigh.

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I'm told that someone is surprised that our family communication is driven by emails. Rather than by face-to-face conversation. I think this applies to medical updates via blog. Hmmm.

Posting to this blog is good for me. Other people can keep up-to-date -- if they want to -- whether they see me or not. When family meets face-to-face they already (can) know the current health situation. So conversation can cover far more interesting topics :-)

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So if you don't read the blog -- and meet me face-to-face -- how do you politely ask how I am? One man has the perfect approach:

We are walking the last few km of a trail run. He has been helping on the trail and is walking back, I am supposed to be still running. We chat a bit, ask each other how we are, Fine, I say.

"Aren't you supposed to have a terminal illness or something?" he asks. "Oh yes but now I'm fine, till it comes back to kill me," I reply.

Topic covered, update provided, back to general conversation. Till his walking is faster than mine and I drop slowly behind.

If you want to know, just ask. If I want to tell you, I will. Easy :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

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I'd rather be super rich than completely stupid... Ginger Meggs

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Dying for you to read my blog, at https: // notdotdeaddotyet .blogspot. com. au/ :-)

scan results: good-ish

This morning, we get inside info on my latest scan. Deep Scan (I'll call our informer) says that there is a dark spot. But... it may not be all that bad. The new spot is away from the original tumour site and on the path that would have been zapped by radiation treatment.

Which means that it could be another damage-by-radiation.

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In the afternoon, Deb & I see the cancer doc.

See this, she says, pointing at the scan image. Not really, I think, it's just a lot of meaningless imagery to me.

She points at a spot. That was not there on the last scan, she says. It looks to me as though someone has drawn a small circle on the image. I nod wisely, as though I see what she sees.

How does it compare to the spot from two scans ago?

Interesting thought, says the doc. And plays with images. To cut to the chase:

In May 2020 there was a worrying dark spot. (Dark? It looked like a white circle to me. But for consistency I'll stick with "dark spot".) This was a worry. If it grows, we'll call it cancer.

In September 2020, the dark spot has faded. Good news.

In January 2021 -- the dark spot is back. It's the same place.

Possibilities:

It's cancer that comes and goes. Unlikely but cancer is still a possibility.

Or it's radiation damage. Apparently, this can come late and apparently go.

Or it's cockroaches. Deb does not support this possibility.

So... I'll be scanned again in about six weeks. Same as in 2020: if the spot has grown, we may call it cancer. If not... we just watch this spot.

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So the news is not perfect. Nor is it bad. It's just... Enjoy life, this time six weeks at a time :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

I'd rather be super rich than completely stupid... Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https: // notdotdeaddotyet .blogspot. com. au/ :-)

penile biopsy result

The results are in: it's nothing serious.

Deb & I are getting ready to go out when the phone rings. It's the Dick Doc... the urologist who took a sample. btw: I have looked, there's a fingernail shaped indentation just a couple of millimeters long. Not too scary.

First, the doc apologises for the late call. I am confused, not expecting the call for another ten minutes. Late?

It seems that she phoned on the day she said she would call (almost two weeks ago). Left a message, that the results were not yet ready. Then she called a few days later, with the results. Left a message. Both calls, the phone was out of range.

I check my phone. Yes, I can see two missed calls. No messages. Being out of range is likely, we were probably on the trails in the hills. The missed calls were "no number", not surprising for a doctor. I don't know what happened to any messages.

So, she tells me, it is not cancer. Excellent :-) though I am not surprised, the worst hard red spot has completely disappeared. (The original swab by the GP stated that it was not gonorrhea which is also excellent, gonorrhea would be very difficult to explain.)

Hells bells, I keep forgetting the word: red and possibly sore area due to friction? It was what put me in Emergency soon after the original surgery, then it was inside my skull. Do I deliberately forget the word? Or am I just not interested in medical terms? Anyway: it's that.

Red and occasionally itchy, possibly due to friction. The experts named something more specific which this doc says should come with pain, warts, scale, all sorts of nasty things, so it's not at all likely. I wear snug underpants when running, to reduce friction.

I tell the doc, the red is still there but faded. She says that she is happy to not see me again. I return the compliment.

She does apologise for not getting the results to me earlier. I say, I was not worried, if it was serious I expect someone would have come knocking down the front door. We part on good terms.

===

I wonder why there are no voice messages? Ah well. I may change my not-answering phone message to suggest sending an email.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

I'd rather be super rich than completely stupid... Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https: // notdotdeaddotyet .blogspot. com. au/ :-)

waiting, happily

Today I have my brain scanned. (Yet again.)

I think I handle the stress quite well :-)  Just some regular swearing at inanimate objects. (eg My "smart" phone gains my attention for refusing to recognise that my swiping its screen was intended to be noticed.)  (Since the phone can ignore a one-finger swipe, I'm not even trying to learn the supposed benefits of multi-finger-swipe-plus-thrice-widdershins-at-the-full-moon...)

I've also lacked enthusiasm for some of my regular time-wasters: only a couple of hours WoW, slowed down my hopefully idiot-proof documentation of what I want for my app, one short paragraph for my life story that I gave up on, in disgust at the swype keyboard.

Then this morning, I am scanned. I tell Deb, the worst bit is now over :-)

Strangely enough... I feel as though the worst bit is now over. Doesn't matter what the results are, they can't be changed. The MRI scan itself is noisy -- sort of fun -- and involves a cannula. I don't enjoy the cannula but overall, the scan is not bad. It's the results which will affect me (and Deb)...

Yet I feel relaxed. Glad it's done.Not (too) worried. The worst bit of the week is over :-)

===

Deb is also worried but, as usual, coping.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

I'd rather be super rich than completely stupid... Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https: // notdotdeaddotyet .blogspot. com. au/ :-)

awake again

It's another of these nights where I sleep for an hour or two -- then wake up with my mind in overdrive. My form of insomnia.

I'm in the middle of data analysis for my app, that starts tonight's mental churn. Though the churn shifts to and from thoughts of the "life story" that Deb suggested I write. So I'm sitting at the PC and -- sooner or later -- I will do something towards one or the other of those.

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I'm still waiting on the results of my biopsy. Not really worried because, well, why worry :-) I'll be seeing the doc -- to get results -- next week. And by "seeing" I mean, a phone consultation.

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I prefer to be vague with dates but, okay... Next week also includes an MRI scan. With results by the end of the week.

I'm kissing Deb goodnight -- she is already fast asleep -- when I have a sudden flash of, I'm sorry that I will die and leave you to look after yourself. I instantly reject the thought, for two reasons.

First, "sorry" for something over which I have no control? No way! Second: if anyone can look after herself, it's Deb. With help from the kids, of course :-)

===

Now I shall spend some time organising notes for my "life story"...

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

I'd rather be super rich than completely stupid... Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https: // notdotdeaddotyet .blogspot. com. au/ :-)

limiting factors

The way I see it there are four limits to my running: heart, lungs, legs and mind. Today I test those limits with a 10km trail run.

Lately, my lungs have been the limiting factor. Today I remember to use my asthma puffer before the run -- and it works. It's never a struggle to breathe, more, my breathing feels shallow and I run slowly. Today my lungs work well. Or at least, better than usual :-)

Not that I ever run fast enough to puff and pant! Today I can feel, I'm breathing easy.

My heart has never been a problem. Today I barely get it beating.

Today, I run well enough to push my *legs* to their limit. Four km climb, I walk. Walking at a steady pace... but cannot push my legs to run. For most of the run my legs are the limiting factor. I jog downhill but walk up.

To the final -- almost flat -- two km. Sure, my legs are tired but not exhausted. Now my mind sets the limit: I do not *want* to run. The track is almost flat but... I compromise: I jog a bit, I walk a bit. And finish.

===

When I run I do tend to think. Today, I think of my heart, lungs, legs, mind, and which one is most to blame for slowing me down. My conclusions are, I need to use the asthma puffer and I need to keep training, to improve my legs. That should also take care of the mind.

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Near the end of the run I think, Will I survive the next trail runs, which are even steeper? When I finish the run I think, Of course I will. So, time to do some more training... But not today. I'll wait till I can run again:-)

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===

We are here and it is now. After that, everything tends towards guesswork... Didactylos in Small Gods
   

really not worried?

I may claim that I'm not worried about the next MRI scan. Yet I still swear at recalcitrant inanimate objects. I find it hard to settle to anything. I'm restless.

About the same as I've been for years.

Medical issues are the last of my worries :-)

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===

We are here and it is now. After that, everything tends towards guesswork... Didactylos in Small Gods
   

another new year

Happy New Year!

I'm doing my usual New Year's Eve activity: staying up late, playing World of Warcraft, listening to the new year rolling in.

Now it's a new year. Time to sleep. Soon...

===

I'm still waiting on the results of my biopsy. The surgeon said, I'll let you know asap, Monday. I think she did not consider the Christmas / New Year break. I have not yet heard.

It doesn't really worry me.

The thought of a penile biopsy -- a scalpel to the end of my penis -- is scary. Once I'm in the hospital -- committed to the cut -- I stop worrying, I know I will sleep through the nasty bit.

Then I'm told there are two small stitches on the cut. I take the surgeon's word for that, there is no way I will look. I am told that the stitches will dissolve, I guess they have. Again, I'm not looking.

There is a bit of sensitivity, for a couple of days. No more than before when the ... infection? ... caused an occasional minor ache. Now I don't even notice that.

Go back to theory one: inflammation due to friction when I run. I'm running again but I wear more supportive underpants. Less movement, no friction. I could have an infection -- or it could be inflammation which is now fixing itself.

Whatever... I'm not worried. Either it will be "nothing", or whether I will be up for some sort of treatment. Que sera sera, and all that :-)

===

Interestingly, the distraction of my penis (nudge, nudge) has a positive effect:

I'm not worried about the biopsy result. Yet it provides enough of a distraction to stop me worrying about my next MRI. Which is in -- what is now -- this month.

I'm so not worried, it's ridiculous.

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Though I am worried about the app that I will pay to have written. "Will pay" because so far, they are dead slow. I'm currently waiting on documentation that will show that they understand what I want... or not. Lack of visible action is very disappointing.

So I'm worrying about what I will do if this development company proves to be a dud.

One worry at a time is enough for anyone.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

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"If you're hoping for the element of surprise, it helps to be surprising." Kim Silva in Head on by John Scalzi

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Dying for you to read my blog, at https: // notdotdeaddotyet .blogspot. com. au/ :-)