Of the two or three people who read this blog, none are Deb. She gets enough of my wordiness without having to *read* more words. However, Deb is willing to read the blog when I am finally dead... So yes, I will definitely have the last word :-)
Deb prefers to read a paper copy -- and I want to create a paper copy -- so I need to transfer each post to a Word doc, for printing. And perhaps for some formatting and a bit of typo correction. But I don't want to change the words. So, first, I open each post, to copy & paste.
There is no easy way to dump the entire blog to a Word-compatible format! So I have to do it post by post... All 254 posts... so far!
Right now seems to be a good time to start the process. I am at a plateau: health is steady, last scan was clear, next scan is within a month. So, right now, nothing to complain about. Which means, not much to write about. (Look how many words I'm putting into describing that "not much"! :-)
I've started the process of grabbing each post and dumping it into Word. Twenty-seven pages so far... and I've only covered the first twelve days. You know, it's lucky that I plan for three more years, I may need all of that just to convert this blog to a hard copy.
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I'm giving some thought to "denial" and to whether or not I'm simply denying that there is a real problem. Now that I've typed that, I think, It doesn't really matter. I still try to maintain the positive mood. Whether it's by denial or by acceptance -- the positive mood is important. And seems to be (mostly) working. So, either way, not a problem.
I'm also thinking, Should I be screaming, Why Me!?!? But I'm not. Why not? The "why me" complaint is blaming some external agent for giving me cancer. Why did that ... entity ... treat *me* so cruelly? Noooo...
First, I don't believe that I was *given* cancer. There may be a cause but there was no malicious intent. Second, If there is some entity with the power to give cancer, I just can't imagine that I would be important enough to rate the effort.
So, no "why me".
What I do wonder -- occasionally -- is, Why cancer? That is, how did I get cancer in an otherwise healthy body? I do wonder... But, failing any strong evidence, I go with the scientific opinion of, Nobody knows. So, nothing specific to blame.
And -- more importantly -- there is no past action which could cause me to suffer regrets. It's enough to have cancer. I don't want to also live -- for no matter how short a span -- with regrets for which I daily want to kick myself. No regrets, no worries :-)
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Have you ever noticed that when you hurt yourself -- other people admit that they have done exactly the same thing?
For a few months (years ago) I suffered from plantar fasciitis. You can look it up. (Or just think, painful foot.) Well, I thought, that's a strange thing to have. Until I mentioned it -- and several other people admitted to the same pain.
Cancer is similar: admit to cancer and, all of a sudden, other people also admit to their own cancers. As I said to Deb, There is no need to join a support group, just talk to friends.
I've never felt the need for a cancer support group. Yet I do find it comforting to know that I am not alone. And (with sympathy to other people) I am glad to confirm that my own cancer is relatively benign. Oh, well, yes, it will kill me. Meanwhile -- so far -- there is no pain and no damaging side-effects. (Except from the treatment.)
One other thing that I have noticed: People who have lost someone to cancer are sympathetic and understanding. As are other people. But some of these people *need* to talk. There is a distinct feeling of grief, of the pain of loss still continuing. Talking about the death seems -- to me -- to be something that they want to do. That they need to do.
I feel no need for a support group for myself. Deb met with a woman who had lost her husband to cancer. Being able to talk about the experience with someone who has already been there, did help Deb.
I suspect that a lot of cancer patients and carers need sympathetic listening. I suspect that the listening will be even more beneficial when the listener has personal experience of the situation.
Support the support groups. For those who need them -- they really can help.
Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
... Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
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"Christianity did a lot for love by making it a sin." ... Anatole France
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An interesting read. Cheers Col
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