Another day

Highlight of the morning: a snake on the track ! Not very big, just a few cm tall. But long ! Oh yes, long. If I had lifted it up by the tail it could still have bitten my ankles. Oh... no, I don't lift it up, at all. There's an exclamation behind me. I correct her, No, a snake. We wait, stamp our feet a bit. The snake moves off the track.

Apart from that: lots of sand, rocks, sea views and sun. No shade, no shelter, constant wind. The track is quite good, not too rough, not much soft sand. I walk more than half of it in thongs.

I do enjoy a few km through woodland. Trees, shelter, scenic variety.

The day's walk is, in fact, a bit of a curate's egg.

The final -- so I believe, final -- challenge is the crossing of the Margaret River. "Knee deep", according to a tour organiser this morning. We watch a surfer walk across, it's up to his armpits. And flowing fast.

Deb and her sister look for a place to drown while crossing. I flatly refuse to try. With strong language and high emotion in support of my decision. We finally phone the organisers, they send a canoe and paddle us across, it's a standard part of their service.

Final challenge ? Not quite. There's another 2km to walk. In an unpleasantly cold wind with a threat of rain. About 21km today, in eight and a half hours.

Accommodation is very nice. Except for the shower... As far as I can tell -- because I don't wear my reading glasses into the shower -- hot and cold taps are unlabelled. I turn on one tap and wait... and wait... wondering if it will ever deliver hot water.

I finally sort it out. Then someone, somewhere, turns on a tap and I lose all hot water. In my efforts to fix this, I finally realise that hot and cold taps turn on in different directions... Good grief.

But the towel is large and absorbent :-)

We eat takeaways: food from the restaurant that is packed to take back to our room. I pick it up from the warm, dim, cheerful, crowded restaurant with music and tv. And am very glad to be eating back in our room with good light, peace & quiet and limited, good company.

The entire day, is a bit of a curate's egg :-)

====    Dr Nick Lethbridge  /  Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems? Solved.
===

"You can fool all of the people some of the time. Some of the people all the time. And make a fool of yourself... anytime." … Ginger Meggs
===

dying for you to read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au :-)
====
   

Day three

Moses Rock to Gracetown. Exhausting. What else...

Lots of track, cliff, beach, water. Great views. First half is very enjoyable.

There are dolphins ! A dozen or so, some out-surfing the human surfers. And generally just floating around. Brilliant :-)

Stop at Wilyabrup Beach for lunch. Getting tired... get annoyed at lack of track signs. Really needs a sign, This way to the carpark.

A few toilets -- many km apart ! -- need to be photographed. One is quite new, it's placed for an area of climbing and abseiling cliffs. There's also a geocache nearby... at the base of the cliffs. Which would mean, climbing back up again... We leave that cache unfound.

We do find a couple of other caches along the way. Another, near the end, we also give up on. "Between rock and vegetation." Yeah right, that's a great hint. (Yes, getting really tired now !)

There are interesting memories...

A giant staircase that we climb up, Deb and I went up there on our trail runs, a few years ago. Then a soft sandy track behind sandhills, yes, we ran there. The final 5m high rock that we scrambled over... today, we walk around. To the sealed road. On the edge of Gracetown, at last.

The last couple of hours has been a slog. I've been walking okay but with no spare energy, no great enthusiasm. Oh well... an even longer walk tomorrow :-)

We reach the Gracetown Shop... and sit inside. Done. Phew. And just on time, it starts to rain.

The minibus arrives, we all climb aboard. Barely out of town and we pull over... The driver is a mad keen surfer and stops to describe the surf breaks that we can see.

Home again. Dinner. Collapsed...

====    Dr Nick Lethbridge  /  Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems? Solved.
===

"You can fool all of the people some of the time. Some of the people all the time. And make a fool of yourself... anytime." … Ginger Meggs
===

dying for you to read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au :-)
====
   

Day one and done

Today is day one of our walking "holiday".

We're picked up by the walk organisers. In a minibus. Along with half a dozen other walkers. Not to worry, within minutes of starting, all other people are out of sight. But first...

First, still at our accommodation, we are given our food supplies. It seems a lot but it's enough for a week. Hopefully. There's a contact in case we need more food.

We're also given an updated itinerary. And a gps which can call for help if needed. I'm carrying the gps but Deb's sister -- for some reason -- also wants to know how to use it.

Part of my walk preparation was to load my gps with geocaches, caches in the Cape to Cape area. One cache is within 60m of where we start walking, near Cape Naturaliste lighthouse. Noone can be bothered walking 60m to look for a cache.

A few km later we are 150m from another cache. I walk the 150m. Can't find the cache. Walk back to the others.

Now I can see that the line of caches following the track -- actually follows the road. Well away from the walk track. I don't look for any more caches.

The first few km is full of wildflowers. It's a sealed track. Weather is fine and cool. A beautiful day for walking.

A few km later there are less wildflowers. It's an unsealed track though still easy walking. We're walking in a cold wind, no shelter provided by the low scrub, often close to the top of cliffs. I don't like walking close to the top of cliffs.

I'm wearing shoes which were good for 15km on a rogaine. Good for two trail runs, each well over 10km. Today... they are hurting my toes.

We see "a whale". A plume of spray, half way out to the horizon. Exciting but not earth shattering. The scenery is low scrub or water. Very same-y. Boring.

Can you see a pattern ? I'm not really enjoying myself.

There's a bit of beach walking. There's a woman relaxing on the beach. A bit later we see her again, walking barefoot along the track. Later we notice that she has reached a rough bit of track... and is walking very gingerly.

Hours later...

I take off my shoes and walk the rest of the day in thongs. Much better !

We reach Yallingup. Track signposts run out, it takes a while to work out where to go. Down a sealed road, up a gravel track, along a narrow sand track back down to the beach. Some wooden steps go almost to beach level... Almost... The beach has washed away and the final step is a metre above the sand.

Lots of soft sand, some dodging round -- or above -- rocks. Across a shallow -- ankle deep -- creek. Finally... home again :-)

I suggest to Deb that tomorrow, I would rather drive round looking for geocaches. Deb says that she will be walking. So we will be walking :-)

Tired ? Yes. I'm even less fit than I thought. Oh well.

It'll be good in hindsight :-)

====    Dr Nick Lethbridge  /  Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems? Solved.
===

"You can fool all of the people some of the time. Some of the people all the time. And make a fool of yourself... anytime." … Ginger Meggs
===

dying for you to read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au :-)
====
   

Back in holiday mode

This blog is back, temporarily, in holiday mode. That is: we're still alive -- not dead yet -- so we are off to enjoy ourselves :-)

There's Deb, still suffering from a cold. She's had a cold -- or a series of colds -- for months now. Plus a pulled muscle in her back. There's Deb's sister, her heart valve seems to work fine, up to a reasonable rate of bpm. More worrying is her sore hip, knees and feet. There's me... fit & healthy and not dead yet.

We're all ready to walk the Cape to Cape coastal trail. 120+ km of rock and sand and possibly gravel. It'll take a week. Should be a doddle :-)

Deb's sister doesn't want to spoil it for us. What if she has to pull out ? So she drives by herself to the start. If she can't walk all the way, she can drive home. (If Deb or I can't walk all the way... too bad.)

It is -- according to google -- a three hour drive. Deb and I set off at 9:30am. We drive down SW Highway rather than Forrest Hwy, Forrest is an unpleasant high speed freeway. SW Hwy is more of a pleasant drive in the country.

We stop for coffee and a shared scone in Pinjarra, at the Heritage Tearooms, a favourite place to stop.

Lunch is at May Gibbs Cafe, just before Harvey. Another favourite. Deb always stops to walk around the gardens. We share a BLT, enough for the two of us. And delicious!

Then coffee at the Capelberry cafe in (you guessed it) Capel. Excellent coffee.

Is the Capelberry "hipster" ? (I'm reviewing hipster cafes in a separate blog.) The cafe appears to be repurposed from an ordinary shop, so far, so hipster. The walls are decorated with several paintings but not particularly weird. The menu has interesting items but mostly just interesting variations on recognisable food. Not very hipster.

The waitress seems to be a Japanese with Australian accent, not a professional waitress. I guess a student on working visa. Standard hair style, no visible tattoos... okay, the cafe is not hipster. Very nice though :-)

We reach our accommodation -- Canal Rocks Apartments -- at about 3:15. Perhaps ten minutes after Deb's sister, who left home after midday. Yes, we travel slowly... we enjoy the journey as much as the destination.

The destination is 2br 1 bath on the ground floor. Views across a dead end road to the sea and the curve of a bay, across the water. Very nice !

We settle in. Unpack. Relax. Then Deb gets us moving again, to walk 100m or so to the next resort. We book in for dinner, buy milk, walk back. Cup of tea, relax.

Key worry for the women is the breakfast menu for tomorrow... We buy our own. The cafe does not open very early. They are worried that we will not have enough time to enjoy the good food before we get picked up to go walking... Oh dear, what a terrible predicament...

My own worry is that now -- almost finished this post -- there is still 20 minutes to wait till dinner. Oh well, guess I'll just have to tough it out for 20 minutes.

====    Dr Nick Lethbridge  /  Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems? Solved.
===

"You can fool all of the people some of the time. Some of the people all the time. And make a fool of yourself... anytime." … Ginger Meggs
===

dying for you to read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au :-)
====
   

privileges of the old and young

Friday. We're driving home: Deb, toddler & me -- from the toddler's swimming lesson. A half hour lesson followed by an hour just splashing in the pool with grandad (that's me). Toddler has a banana, a snack to keep him going till we are home for lunch.

Banana in hand, hand slowly raised, banana reaches mouth... Toddler falls asleep. Banana uneaten, slowly falls.

Sunday evening. Deb & I have had two days' of orienteering. Exhausting efforts ! After dinner, kids have gone home, Deb prepares to go to bed. I am already asleep in an armchair.

Privileges of the old and young: to sleep whenever and wherever we need to :-)

Now Deb is asleep, I'm awake. Dishes washed, hot sweet milky tea drunk... and I'm off to bed. To sleep where I should be sleeping, at a more expected time.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"It's a funny kind of month, October. For the really keen footy fan it's when you discover that your wife left you, months ago." … Denis Norden had it as "cricket"
===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/ :-)

emotional stress

Monday, I visited the GP. She had sent a message asking me to set up a "non urgent" appointment to discuss test results. This had to be the government poo test -- yes, blood in the samples -- so I set up the appointment for after my post-MRI meeting with the oncologist.

Why meet the GP at all ? Read on...

I go in, tell her that my MRI is clear, my PET scan is clear. Potential bowel cancer is relatively trivial anyway, everyone's happy with the scan results. So how are you feeling ? she asks.

Warning: heavy emotional load about to be dumped. Accuracy not guaranteed.

Not very good, I answer. Physically, fine. Emotionally, not the best. I feel as if I am going nowhere, failing to "change the world" in ways that would matter, that sort of thing. Nothing new -- I've felt like that, on and off, for years. What's new is that I now have a limited time to change anything.

Past years I could say, Perhaps next year... Now I feel that I don't have that excuse.

Just a little bit of this I explain to the GP. Not only is she sympathetic and approachable. It is a relief to talk to a doctor who is a *general* practitioner. The specialists all know their stuff. I just don't feel that they want to discuss broader -- less specialised -- issues. Perhaps it's just my own misconception.  But it's a relief to let off a bit of steam with the GP.

More than that... I shift into my fast-talk mode. That's when I talk and talk and talk -- very fast. Usually because I have been silent for too long and have finally found a willing listener. Once it was when I was sitting with an Irish family and the standard style of their conversation was fast, fast, fast :-)

I really miss the opportunity to just talk. To adults. To people who are interested -- in anything. Non-judgemental, argumentative and not offended by different opinions. My own fault, really. After too many years working with people who were often... in my opinion... narrow-minded, judgemental, dismissive of ideas which were not their own or not their boss's -- I gave up. Gave up looking for interesting conversation. Gave up trying to fit in with society.

You think my ideas are a bit wacky ? Those are the simple ones that I throw out just to see if anyone is willing to debate.

Bitter ? Me ? Yep.

But not to worry. Ten minutes with the GP and I feel a lot better :-)

btw: This is not a cry for people to come and talk to me. Yuk ! Family & friends are great & enjoyable & I am very happy to keep in touch regularly or occasionally. That's just half my yearning to talk...

What I really miss is (a) the not-quite meeting of minds which share a common interest in argument for its own sake. And (b) the occasional situation where I feel appreciated for providing some knowledge, advice or just an opinion which is valued.

A friend recently wrote, I really thank you for being there. You wouldn't believe how good that made me feel.

To anyone who is reading this rant with sympathy: Thank you.

No need to do any more, I've dug my own emotional hole, I'll dig my way out of it. Or die while still trying :-)

===

Physically, I'm very well. Emotionally... it's a lot harder to describe. I'm a bloke, I don't do emotion. But writing it down does make me feel better... relieved. And this blog is for me.

I start writing with the conscious intention of getting my emotional state under control. Or, at least, clear in my own mind. So I write with a deliberate disregard for the opinions of any potential readers. With a conscious view that no-one will ever read this. True or not, that view allows me to be honest.

Honest ? Perhaps misleading... Some honesty is just an attempt to define -- for my own benefit -- how I really feel. It may turn out to be wrong. It is what I believe -- or feel -- as I am typing the words. Just getting the words down makes me feel clearer in my mind. Better able to deal with any negatives of the way that I feel.

And bugger me, but this emotional stuff really takes it out of me ! I can hardly wait for physical symptoms to reappear... I'm sure they will be a lot easier for me to deal with ! Easier for me to face honestly, anyway :-)

Phew ! Time for a quick proof-read. A note to myself to explain -- in a later post -- why I may be a closet Epicurean. Later.

For now, I have documented all. I'll go to bed. And wake up in the morning -- feeling a lot better for having got all this emotional stuff, finally, off my chest.

I feel better already :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"I'm a natural student… because I have so much to learn." … Beyond the Black Stump
===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/ :-)

an excellent attitude

We are at the swimming pool today, Deb, me and our grandson.

Grandson and I are playing in the water, after his swimming lesson. Grandson is sitting on a low wall at the edge of the pool. A crocodile is snapping at his feet... Yes, the crocodile is me.

Suddenly grandson lifts his feet too far -- and tumbles backwards, off the wall !

I look over the wall... Grandson has fallen perhaps half a metre. Into a garden bed. He is lying on his back with a fern leaf across his face. He pushes the leaf aside.

And says, I'm all right. I'm all right.

I lift him out of the garden. We carry on playing.

An excellent attitude to life and its ups and downs, I think.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"I'm a natural student… because I have so much to learn." … Beyond the Black Stump
===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/ :-)

don't forget the balls !

Another scan, a PET scan this time. The PET scans the body -- torso -- to check for traces of spreading testicular cancer. Low probability, low impact if it happens. Does it scan the balls... sorry, ball... as well ? I'm not sure. Not to worry, testicular cancer was easy to spot, my right ball went rock hard.

If your testicle goes hard -- get to a doctor ! It didn't seem very long that I ignored my own hard nut but it was long enough for the cancer to spread upwards. Oh well, that cancerous nut is gone, it would have gone anyway. An earlier visit to a GP could have prevented the need for radiation therapy on the spreading cancer.

I've learnt from that experience... I check the remaining ball for hardening. I check it regularly. Perhaps three or four times a day... Hey ! it's fun :-)

===

The remaining ball is still keen to be put to use. The mind and rest of body are interested but lack the get up & go -- occasional good signs but undependable. I was thinking that an upcoming walking holiday could be all sex, drugs & rock & roll... Looks as though I'll be bringing that Best of Rock & Roll CD and doing a lot of walking. Heh ! will still be fun :-)

===

Sunday night I eat a hearty dinner then fast from midnight. Just water, till the PET scan at 7:30am. Wake at six, glass of water, out the door before I can think of the missing breakfast.

I make sure that I'm early. The scan is at SCGH, I'm not familiar with the layout. Yes, I've been there before but usually semi-conscious. Or completely unconscious. All I really remember is, I always feel better afterwards :-)

There's a queue of cars going into the carpark, nearly all are going into staff parking. Public parking is still almost empty -- though nearly all spaces are for ACROD users. On the far side... a dozen or more spaces for those still walking.

There must be more floors for public parking. I never did see any up ramp though I know there are upper storeys.

Across to G Block. "Use the blue lifts", says my appointment letter. Easy, right from the door are signs pointing to the blue lifts. It's a long... long... corridor. But there are plenty of reassuring signs, This way to the blue lifts.

All very easy, all very friendly, I'm soon wearing nothing more than underwear and hospital trousers.

There are, of course, a couple of visits to the toilet. There is a sign which I have not seen before: Please pee sitting down, we don't want "mishaps" while you are radioactive. Oh, right.

I spend an hour resting, while a radioactive something flows through my body. I'm told that it's an hour, I'm not wearing a watch and I sleep for most of the time.

Then walk into the machine room. Lie down, arms raised above my head, stay still. Raising my arms above my head causes a minor ache... I really need to do more exercise and less sitting at a PC.

Yes, as a person currently "clear" of cancer -- all my aches & pains, physical, mental & emotional problems -- are just me. Old age, bad habits, general dissatisfaction. If I'm going to live another three months, I really need to improve my lifestyle !

The PET scanner is clean, white, quiet and open. As opposed to the MRI scanner where I have a mask holding my head still, I can't see and the machine goes bang! bang! bang! as it operates.

Twenty minutes (I'm told) later and I walk out to a "recovery room". It's a curtained alcove where I can sit, rest, get ready to drive home.

With sandwiches ! PET scan patients fast for at least six hours. The hospital provides post-scan sandwiches -- and tea & coffee -- to help recover from the fasting. Brilliant ! Our public hospitals are excellent :-)

Before leaving, a doctor visits. Just to say hello, and no, you have to see your own doctor to get results. And, perhaps, to eyeball the patient to make sure that they are ready to leave.

The doctor who says hello to me, has more to say. It seems that we have met before -- when I collapsed in the fun run ! She tells me that a police officer -- also in the run -- caught me as I fell. She (the police officer) made sure I didn't bang my head on the ground. Then this doctor stayed with me till I went off in an ambulance.

Fun runs are fun in part because of the excellent people who run :-) I am glad of the chance to say thank you in person. And glad to hear that I look a lot better today than I did when I collapsed. All due to clean living and excellent treatment, I guess !

The doctor says that she was glad of the added excitement, glad to be able to help. And she had a good excuse for a slower-than-expected run that year :-)

===

Back to the car. It takes me five minutes to navigate the poorly signed carpark and find the exit.

To the shops for a few essential groceries -- plus food for lunch. Home again, and relax. After doing a load of laundry.

===

A bit later and I get an informal but informed message: the PET scan shows that whatever it scanned, is clear of cancer. Yeehaa !

Head & body, both cancer clear. I'm healthy, till the next scan.

Three months to enjoy life, with or without sex, drugs, rock & roll :-) And that's something to be glad about !

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"I'm a natural student… because I have so much to learn." … Beyond the Black Stump
===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/ :-)

shirt slogan still good :-)

Monday I have an MRI. Thursday I see the oncologist for results.

How are you ? she asks, as usual. You tell me, I reply, as usual.

My brain scan, she says … is clear. No tumour :-) In fact, the brain is slightly better than it was at the last scan, some surgical scar tissue has cleared up. So I am clear & clean, till the next scan in three months' time. Woohoo !

I have new shirts with the slogan, "Enjoy Life -- three months at a time." I am now starting the next three months :-) Just as well... the shirts cost too much to be thrown away already.

===

I also ask for more detail on the three month schedule. Yes, a tumour could easily appear within that time. No, it is not likely to grow enough -- in three months -- to cause serious physical problems. That reassures Deb as much as me: I am unlikely to keel over with no warning.

The doc says, Just watch out for physical problems. Headaches, loss of control on one side of the body, anything, really, that is out of the ordinary. The next tumour may give early -- physical -- warning.

This is reassuring, within limits... My first & so far only cancer symptom has been an unexpected collapse. No early warning. The reassurance is that three-monthly scans should detect a tumour before it gets serious enough to cause another collapse.

It seems that the doc's standard, How are you ? is more than just polite small-talk. When I reply, Well, I have these headaches and a tendency to bump into things on my left-hand side -- then the doc will tell me to worry. That makes sense !

===

I did tell the doc, I still have the tingling on the soles of my feet. I've mentioned this to both oncologist & radiation oncologist. They have ignored it... This time, the oncologist actually notices.

I explain, it's a known side-effect of the chemo drugs -- according to Wikipedia. Some patients' feet do more than tingle, they hurt so much that the patient cannot walk. My soles just tingle. As far as I can tell, all this is new to the oncologist.

Really, doctors should do more reading of Wikipedia :-)

===

A final point raised with the oncologist: I recently did the government poo test -- and blood was found in my poo. Is this a worry ?

First -- something that I did hope for -- I will be having a different scan (PET) next week. That will give enough detail to see if I have bowel cancer. No need for a colonoscopy. Unless I want one ? asks the doc. Ummm… well... no ! No thanks :-)

Is it possible, I wonder, that the cell-destroying cancer drug could have messed up my bowels ? caused some non-cancer bleeding ? Possible, says the doc. Which would be worse news if I were currently on the drug. Thanks to the clear MRI results -- I have no treatment at all, neither radiation nor drugs.

On a closely related topic: My digestion is back to, perhaps, 95% of normal. I can eat almost anything without upset. Everything goes through and out at a satisfactory rate. Possibly softer stools that in the past... which could change if I increase my running, with the resulting tendency to be less hydrated than I am now.

And finally (on the results of the poo test): Bowel cancer ? Pfft ! who cares ! I can already do "better" than bowel cancer :-)

===

The rest of the day, Deb & I are both remarkably cheerful :-)

===

Next day: still cheerful. Ready to plan a holiday a bit further ahead. But tired ! I may be suffering the after-effects of a week or more of stress. Or I could simply be relaxing into my usual state of lethargy.

The morning is a swimming lesson for our grandson. Again (for the second week in a row) I keep him company in the pool after the lesson. It's exhausting ! I suspect that I'm exercising muscles that have not been exercised for years. Just scooting round the pool, following -- and playing with, and lifting -- an active toddler.

Back home for the afternoon -- still with toddler -- I leave Deb with the child... as I sleep for an hour or so.

===

So all is good. Ready to enjoy life ! Three more months at a time :-)

===

Meanwhile, Deb has spent all winter with a series of colds. Which finally developed into a rather nasty cough. I can imagine all sorts of really nasty things that that could be :-(

Antibiotics (and time ?!) seem to have eased the coughing. After an x-ray, Deb's doc has declared that Deb has a chest infection. Not nice but nothing to panic about. Take more antibiotics and have another x-ray in a month.

Should I avoid exercise ? asks Deb. No, exercise will help clear the infection, says the doc. So. Orienteering on Sundays, perhaps some running during the week. And a walking holiday still to come.

I am relieved.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"Out of my mind, please leave a message." … Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/ :-)

inanimate objects, indeed !

Yesterday I noted that I tend to get cross at recalcitrant inanimate objects. Today I am still tense, with the brain scanned but results not yet known. Not so much worried, as in suspense.

In my usual fashion I have spent the day in inactivity... reading, doing a crossword (poorly), playing WoW, tidying up my list of contacts.

In my email system I have more than 1200 contacts ! Perhaps I should have changed the default setting, which has been set to save every email address from every email. That's now done, future emails (in & out) should give me the option, to save or not. I spend several hours checking contacts and deleting ones that I don't need. Now there are 112 in my list... better !

There is a purpose to this:

Deb asked me, In the event of your demise, who do I contact ? I need to produce a list of who needs or wants to know and how to let them know. Not as easy as it seems ! I did try it once before, just because we were heading off on holiday... at a time when holiday-makers had been shot down close to Russia. That just didn't happen, neither the list of contacts nor the being shot down.

Now I have 122 people and organisations in my email contacts list. That will be the basis for a contact list for Deb. It's still not that simple...

There are people who need or want to know when I finally die. There are also the contacts for home services: fridge repairs, car service, that sort of thing. There are mailing lists and subscriptions and utilities -- which are websites rather than email, they will need to be added. There's probably more, I may remember them as I build the list.

Quite a few bills are paid automatically. That's fine, I've told Deb where to look for most of them. All fine -- unless my bank accounts are closed due to death ! Most regular auto bill payments come out of my bank account. Do I put them on the list, or change the payment to Deb's bank account ? There are good reasons for continuing to pay from my account... I need to list the expected auto bills -- and who to contact to change payment method.

I've been putting this off for months. Time for action :-)

Except that creating a contact list involves *in*action -- sitting at the PC, working through a contacts list, creating a list for Deb. And today is very cold.

I'm at home, while a ceiling is painted. (Old rain leak caused staining.) The front and back doors are open, to let the smell of paint clear from the house. It is a very cold day, leaving doors open is not good ! Luckily Deb is due home soon, I "must" close all doors and turn on all heaters. At last ! Fingers are starting to defrost.

I go to the toilet. Pee standing up. Without really thinking about anything other than how cold are my fingers. And as I pee in the bowl, across the lid, almost onto my feet -- I start to curse at what is happening.

Cursing at recalcitrant *inanimate* objects ?! Not quite :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"Out of my mind, please leave a message." … Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/ :-)

more reasons why...

And here's another reason why "my" cancer is "good":

Should I get the extended warranty ? No need... Should I get the cheaper-per-year long-term subscription ? No need... Some decisions are so much easier !

And that's something to be glad about :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

"When it comes to ideas, some people will stop at nothing." … per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/ :-)

MRI today

Had another MRI scan this morning. Easy enough, about an hour and a half and it's all done. Bulk billed, so all I pay is $7.20 for parking... I considered taking a bus, or parking further away -- in a shop's free parking area, or a bus one way and walk home... It's easier to drive :-)

I still don't like the cannula, the thing they plug into my vein to inject a contrast medium. Appreciate the tech's casual conversation to distract me.

btw: I still think of a cannula as some sort of spaghetti. I'm not sure about the contrast medium, it's not all black & white. :-)

This time I ask about the noise. Yes, the bang! bang! bang! is when the machine is taking a picture. I always feel that the MRI is designed by a science fiction fan, I expect the entire machine to rotate round -- with me strapped on -- ready for blast-off. With robot techs rolling their electronic eyes as I spin by... but no, I don't spin at all. Disappointing.

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The scan is done. I do some shopping on the way home. A few essentials -- plus a cream & jam-filled pastry "matchstick" and a meat pie. I pretend that I need a treat...

The MRI itself is easy. It's the results -- later in the week -- which are the worry. Not that I'm worried, oh no. But...

I have a regular yearning for comfort food. I switch off my mind by playing a lot of World of Warcraft. I can feel that a minor aggravation could set me off in a rage... Luckily enough, my feeling of impending aggravation applies only to inanimate objects.

I enjoy meeting with various people in the day's outing. I smile, occasionally chat, act friendly -- and mean it. But that self-closing door that takes soooo long to self-close !! Dad-rat and darn the blasted thing ! Hurry uuupp !!

No, I'm not stressed :-) Worried, maybe. I'll be glad when the results are in. Good or bad.

Sometimes I think, Well, I certainly *feel* okay ! Then I remember, Oh, that's how I felt immediately before I crashed out of that fun run... Oh. I'll soon know whether or not my feeling fine is justified. Can't wait :-)

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There is definitely one sign of stress which I have dealt with. Waking up at 3am, unable to get back to sleep as my mind whirls round in high gear. Not  thinking of death & disease. Just thinking. High on adrenaline and can't stop the buzzing to get to sleep.

Or so I thought.

Now I still wake up at 3am. Go to the toilet (of course). Get back to bed and can't sleep. So I turn the electric blanket up to max... and am asleep in minutes. Not only that -- I will sleep for three or four hours at a stretch.

In the paper the other day was a claim that we all wake up every 90 minutes or so. We just don't remember it. Because I was staying awake, I remembered. Now -- with the electric blanket set to roast & bake -- I sleep longer & sounder. Okay, I may "wake up" every 90 minutes. But -- with the majority of people -- I do not remember waking up.

Of course when I do wake up -- I am *hot* !

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On the weekend -- at orienteering -- a friend asked how I was. This lead to me saying, My disease is a good one to have... which made the friend question my good sense :-) Here's what I mean:

Now that my cancer/s are between scans and I am not on any medication, I feel fine. Radiation was a nuisance, chemo was awful, they may (will ?!) be repeated. Yet there has never been any pain. (Oh, okay, those attacks of post-surgery brain inflammation. Okay, *some* bloody awful pain.)

I read about other people who have pain. Who can't eat or drink or breathe or walk or whatever. For me, that may be still to come. For now, I am fit (sort of) and healthy (on the surface).

Sure, there's that ultimate death sentence thing... a bit of a bummer. But if I *have* to have a death sentence -- this is a good way to go. So far ! :-) That's what I mean:

I have a terminal cancer, that's bad. But in the range of possible terminal cancers -- mine has so little negative impact that... If I have to have cancer, my cancer is a "good" one to have.

Of course it's just possible that a Ginger Meggs quote has some relevance to my opinion: "Out of my mind, please leave a message."

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What I am trying for, is balance. Yes, I accept that I have terminal cancer. No, I will not fight & scream & kick and spoil my remaining time by denying that truth. Yes, I will do my best to stay healthy & fit, to better enjoy my life. I try to find a balance between overwhelming despair and blind optimism. Balancing on the positive side, with resisting & enjoying.

"The truth is incontrovertible. Panic may resent it, ignorance may deride it, malice may distort it, but there it is," as Winston Churchill said. And as I say, "Deal with it."

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

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"When it comes to ideas, some people will stop at nothing." … per Ginger Meggs

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Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/ :-)