reassuring words

As I'm going to bed I remember the wise words of Conan:

"What doesn't kill you doesn't kill you.

I am reassured. Again :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

Question authority. Don't expect to like the answer." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

the great escape

I'm shivering uncontrollably.

Ready to go home.

I ask nurses, am I lined up for any more scans or tests? no.

Doctors? should be here... soon.

I wait for "soon". No doctor.

I dress. pack. wrap myself in a blanket. Phone Deb.

Nurses stop me as I am walking towards the exit. wrapped in my blanket. towing my small case. And balancing on it.

I see the physiotherapist. It's okay, I say, I can walk okay. So I can see :-) she replies.

Happily sign a form which, I am told, says that I am leaving against medical advice.

Deb phones. Arrives. We leave.

Deb had taken advice ... gave the nurses chocolates. That's good. The nurses are all terrific.

Against medical advice. I leave hospital. thank goodness.

At home... what a huge relief :-)

I eat a proper meal. Sleep a lot.

so glad to be home... out of the miserable cold hospital.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

Question authority. Don't expect to like the answer." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

home again... all good :-)

The subject line: home again... all good :-) is a good statement of where I am at

crikey! it took an enormous effort to type that. Dodgy sight, half asleep. type, correct, retype... Now correct, I hope :-) At least I'm back at a proper keyboard.

So I'm home. Which is absolutely great. And I'm feeling fine. I think the medical analysis matches. Though no doctor turned up to say so.

Tomorrow I plan to fill in the gap, the escape from hospital. It was not straightworward. That's tomorrow's task. Today... I've just slept for a few hours. Now ready to sleep some more...

So... till... tomorrow: so far. it's all good :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

Question authority. Don't expect to like the answer." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

some good news

something has been removed from my hand. no one told me what it was. a needle into a vein. plus something which caught on things. whatever... its gone.

i had the promised enema. not as bad as i expected... except for the resultant passing of several large boulders. the good news: the catheter was immediately removed. so i can now leave whenever i want... just have to sneak past the guard posts...

===

finally, a dilemma is resolved.

this may seem gloomy. its just one of those things to consider:

i have a terminal illness which -- i hope -- will allow me time to decide where to go for the final death scene. the major choices are home or hospital.

well... after the last few days the choice is obvious. if i know that i am soon dying... there is no way that i will choose to spend my last few days in a miserable hospital. sorry deb... youll just have to change the sheets.

dilemma resolved. and thats something to be glad about :-)

now back to planning my escape...

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===

One, be a good person; two, have fun; three, be happy; four, show respect and be respected; and then number five was, if you can play tennis after that, it's an added bonus."... Ash Barty's first coach
   

glad about

dinner is delivered. i ignore it. no interest. someone comes to take it away. i ask
what it is. satay beef. i have even less interest. i dont even remember ticking that choice.

there are steps in the escape plan: move bowels, remove catheter, empty bladder. i accept the docs order for an enema. with hospital food nothing else will move my bowels. that will be tomorrow. past experience tells me that emptying my bladder is also impossible

i phone deb. that cheers me up.

i asked... the entire hospital is set to one temperature, it is not possible to warm just my room.

so, another looong cold night.

but the surgery may have worked, so thats something to be glad about :-)

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===

One, be a good person; two, have fun; three, be happy; four, show respect and be respected; and then number five was, if you can play tennis after that, it's an added bonus."... Ash Barty's first coach
   

being a bad patient

deb and i share locations via phone. i look at debs location and it cheers me up.

deb phones and i feel a lot happier.

nurses ask me if i want a shower. no. the doc has prescribed an enema. i will be happy to tell him where else he can shove his enema.

every visit to hospital has given me constipation. why should this visit be different.

lunch is tomato soup. the sort that looks like a mashed tin of tomatoes. theres also great lumps of meat. possibly turkey and ham. im not game to try any.

nurses changed my gown and made the bed. i tear the bed apart to get ablanket. im sitting with the blanket round my shoulders. the room is blood y cold.

i refuse help from the nurses. there are two. as usual i cant tell them apart but they definitely gave two names.

i take the zimmer frame for a walk round the corridors. first i memoerise my room number. just as well, i almost go into a room with one digit difference.

did i mention the tissues? iblow my nose and throw the tissue on the floor. i know theres a bin... must be to my left where i cant see it. now its on my bed table.

i phone deb, chat a while. feel a lot better. still want to be home.

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===

One, be a good person; two, have fun; three, be happy; four, show respect and be respected; and then number five was, if you can play tennis after that, it's an added bonus."... Ash Barty's first coach
   

feeling low

its a long night. every few hours i wake up and am horrified at how long it is til  morning.

breakfast is fine, porrige and scrambled eggs, i can eat with a spoon. some falls off the edge of the plate. just a bit. as far as i can see.

i guess i have at least one more long night in hospital, a miserable thought. i want to go home but i guess i shall just stay here and be miserable. i may have overdone it.

im trying to select meals for the next day. nothing appeals. i start crying , cant stop. i want to be home.

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===

One, be a good person; two, have fun; three, be happy; four, show respect and be respected; and then number five was, if you can play tennis after that, it's an added bonus."... Ash Barty's first coach
   

up and down

24 hours with brain drains, i had to keep the bed flat.

now, drains removed, i am not allowed to lie flat.

another change. with the drains removed, my phone face recognition recognises me again.

im left with big sticky bandages on my head... on my hair. not looking forward to them coming off. wait till they can be cut off with the hair, i think :-)

one more night in hospital. probably two. then i will start fighting for my freedom...

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===

One, be a good person; two, have fun; three, be happy; four, show respect and be respected; and then number five was, if you can play tennis after that, it's an added bonus."... Ash Barty's first coach
   

brain space

deb & i were discussing with friends, will the hole in my brain stay as empty space.

i would rather like to fill it with an electronic decondary brain.

now i have been told, no... space in the brain fills with fluid. normal brain fluid, whatever that is. so the brain, like a mini i once owned, floats on fluid.

in my case the fluid included blood... not good.

as i understand it... an injury caused blood to flow, to add to the normal brain fluid.

was i in a car accident? no. but i did fall... quite hard... hard enough, i guess, to jar the brain and damage it against the inside of the skull.

there was old blood and new blood. the fall would be new blood. the old blood could be more embarrassing...

the fix for inner ear dizziness is to drop the head back on a pillow... which i did, a few months ago... perhaps that caused the old blood... an older injury.

the surgeon is positive that running is quite safe. falling may not be so safe... i must ask him just how delicate my brain is likely to be. i must ask before deb bans me from anything more than gentle walking :-)

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===

One, be a good person; two, have fun; three, be happy; four, show respect and be respected; and then number five was, if you can play tennis after that, it's an added bonus."... Ash Barty's first coach
   

from icu to a ward

i go for a regular scan and am called back for immediate admission to hospital. when was that?!

the scan was Wednesday so i was in hospital by Wednesday evening. today is Saturday. now evening. so that's three days.

i remember patches. mostly, i sleep. some vague memories may be guesswork.

hospital air con is set to frigid. I'm sitting with acouple of blankets round my shoulders.

two days in icu. lots of people wanting to hold my hand... asking me to squeeze, push, pull. testing that my body stil  manages basic functions.

there are the bright lights in my eyes and questions such as, do you know where you are? what day it is.

i have a couple of visitors. im awake for some of them.

===

back to a ward. again shared. with someone in worse condition than me, he is asked for his level of pain... seven. i reach a bare one, take a panadol... otherwise im sure deb will tell me off.

==

the traditional look for a cancer patient is gaunt. i continue to gain weight. hospital food may change that.

my standard approach to food is, put it in front of me and ill eat it. now i just pick at food.

cant be bothered cutting so i eat the yoghurt and tinned fruit.

dinner may be beef bougignonne. meat which may have started as the farmers boots. button mushrooms which may have started as... buttons.

the meals may have been planned by a vegetarian dietition who doesnt really enjoy eating.

.

in this new room i know there is a cupboard to my left. my phone tablet and book are there. i cant see to my left. with things hanging off me i dont like to turn and look.

finally i ask a nurse and am back in communication.

i aslo ask for the tissues which i guess are there. ive been blowing my nose on sheets or blankets. whatever comes to hand.

=== 

i wake up, this morning? feeling a lot better. ready to... get ready... to go home.

the brain drains are removed. such a relief. i rub my head and feel the plastic bag of brai fluid... yuk. gone at last.

i celebrate by walking to the toilet. under careful escort. no real need, i still have a catheter and nothing else is moving. it feels so good to have walked... even with a zimmer frame. freedom! :-)

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===

One, be a good person; two, have fun; three, be happy; four, show respect and be respected; and then number five was, if you can play tennis after that, it's an added bonus."... Ash Barty's first coach
   

on the mend

another day, another room. yes, i do realise that the new day is already old... but time is irrelevant when I'm not wearing a watch.

i woke up earlier... possibly this morning and felt a lot better :-) time to plan my escape, i thought... then feel asleep again.

so i'm on the mend. almost looking forward to dinner, which has just arrived. I'll eat, then see what details i can remember of the last... few days? not many memories... i slept a lot.

so... till later.

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===

One, be a good person; two, have fun; three, be happy; four, show respect and be respected; and then number five was, if you can play tennis after that, it's an added bonus."... Ash Barty's first coach
   

waiting

shower. try to put on the hospital gown, fail. try to put on the hospital socks, fail no idea which way is up.

pack my things away, after surgery I'll be in icu.

nurse returns, sorts out the gown and socks. tells me to wee at 7am.

so i unpack all my things to get my phone -- so i can see the time.

now i'm sitting, waiting. miserable. I'd rather be at home.

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===

One, be a good person; two, have fun; three, be happy; four, show respect and be respected; and then number five was, if you can play tennis after that, it's an added bonus."... Ash Barty's first coach
   

uh oh !

today is my regular three monthly mri. now a regular six weekly mri :-)

while you're here, they say, we'll also do a ct scan. just in case there is damage since the last open head surgery.

oh drat... the ct shows fluid on the brain. on each side. a bit of a worry, but they let me walk home.

I'm home, thinking of lunch, the phone rings.

I'm to get to hospital... this afternoon. tomorrow, the surgeon will drain the fluid from my brain. oh. no question. go to hospital. uh oh

i phone deb. she comes home from work. takes me to hospital. i wonder if i can earn frequent surgery points :-)

now i'm in hospital. feeling low. hospital is fine. i scored a nice dinner. the prospect of surgery is fine... not nice but this one will be relatively minor. and i'll sleep through it. i just hate being away from home... away from deb.

the surgeon drops in to explain what he will do. small cut above each ear, two small holes into the skull, insert tap and drain.

the drain will be left open for a while (how long? no idea) so more blood can drain. yuk

i tell him, okay, I'm now ready to go home. no luck :-( I'm stuck here for at least 48 hours... so he says.

===

why is there blood oozed out around the brain? did i bang my head? not as far as i know.

best guess is... a few days ago we were running... i fall over. land hard, flat on my back. I'm fairly certain that i did not hit my head. but i did land hard. perhaps i jarred my brain within the skull, caused damage.

that's the best guess... better than having no reason at all...

Nick Lethbridge    /    Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting    /   Problems? Solved.
   ===

One, be a good person; two, have fun; three, be happy; four, show respect and be respected; and then number five was, if you can play tennis after that, it's an added bonus."... Ash Barty's first coach
   

up and down :-)

Deb & I are out this morning for a run along bush trails. Seven km at Ellis Brook.

It's a beautiful spot -- especially now with wildflowers blooming. The main attraction is "Sixty Foot Falls". The Falls are dry except after heavy rain. Today they flow :-)

We were there about a year ago, also to see the falls flowing.

The run starts with a lot of steep, rough uphill track. Mostly, we walk.

On a rare downhill stretch... I discover a new way to fall over :-)

There are worn grooves running down the track. I put one foot into a groove which, of course -- I do not see.  The foot slips... I bang down flat on my back.

I gain a few grazes, nothing serious. Not even enough to get sympathy :-) But I now have to admit to having fallen over *twice* in the last three years...

The last third of  the track is down... down steep steps. Steps formed mostly of rough rocks. Tricky! Very slow going. Six years ago we went round in one hour twenty. Today it's just over two hours... Deb could have done it faster :-)

Hard work! Good fun, good scenery. Home again... we are both ready to relax :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

Question authority. Don't expect to like the answer." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

meaningless dreams?

I regularly dream. Most are forgotten within minutes of waking up. Some dreams are memorable. Some -- no doubt -- are susceptible to deep and meaningful interpretation :-)

I've been telling Deb that we need a dog. I'm dreaming that I walk into a family gathering. There is the new family dog. His name, I'm told, is Prindiville. I say, Hello Prindiville. The dog barks and jumps round in excitement. I repeat the name, very quietly.

Okay, it's a wish-fulfilment dream... it's not going to happen. Still... If we do get a dog -- at least I already know its name :-)

===

I'm dreaming that I'm in a room with a window which overlooks Paris. The hotel housekeeper asks me if there's anything I want. I ask... Where do I go for breakfast? It will be brought to your room, she tells me. We are both speaking in French. Which... in the dream... I understand.

I wake up... hungry and still thinking about breakfast.

===

A few minutes later I realise that the "hotel" room is familiar! It is very much like a room I stayed in in Brixton London, in 1970. A relative's house. There was even a housekeeper who prepared breakfast, though she lived in the basement level and I never met her. No deep meaning to the dream, just a very distant memory.

===

I'm dreaming that I'm walking... past a rocket which is parked beside the road. I climb into the pilot seat, the leg room is cramped. I think, if we fly to Mars then this could get uncomfortable. I take off and fly a couple of hundred feet above the ground... Memories of the days when I flew a light plane (Until I fly the rocket off into space.

This dream could have meaning! Wanting to escape? Reading too much science fiction? Inspired by recent flights into "space". With, perhaps -- my own desire to fly to Mars. My desire to escape is not limited by reality :-)

===

On a more feasible desire to escape: Deb and I are considering a short holiday. I'm having difficulty working out details:

Deb works several days a week, a holiday needs to fit into the non-working days. There are regular days with the family, we don't want to interfere with those. We want to avoid a holiday with the crowds of children on school holidays. One day a week is weekly shopping and running. Some weekends are rogaines or special orienteering events or trail run weekends. Oh, and brain scans could upset the best-laid plans...

It's difficult to set dates for a holiday. And we still cannot decide where we want to go, on whatever dates are suitable.

Oh well... a work in progress ... :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

Question authority. Don't expect to like the answer." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

win one, not win one

As I fold and sort a basket-load of washing I think, there must be some truth in my claim that it takes months to get over brain surgery.

Because today I am feeling so much better :-)

Sorting washing? Yes!

I do the washing, the laundry. It's a task within my normal capabilities. And yet... for the last few months it is beyond me.

I look at a load of freshly washed clothes. Pick something out. And can't work out how to fold it. Fold a shirt? I can't even work out which is the front. I've passed this task on to Deb.

And now -- yes, it's been several months since my head was last opened and closed. And today... finally... sorting the washing is so very easy.

Definitely a milestone :-)

===

The subject line of this post was almost, Win one lose one. But the next point is not really a loss. Just not a win:

===

I read about "prisms" which, apparently can shift the light from my blind patch to where I can see. Sounds useful.

Today I speak with the optometrist...

Yes, a special prism can be attached to glasses. So something off to my left can be projected nearer the middle of my eyes, so I can see it.

Except for two problems.

One, the shift is very small.

And two... The eyes and brain notice something odd... and begin to adjust. With the final result... the eye plus brain act to counter the benefit of the prism. The final effect is... no improvement.

My best bet is still, to learn to look carefully.

I'm getting better. I don't walk into very much. Unless I relax my vigilance... :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

Question authority. Don't expect to like the answer." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

Not Alone

Deb found an interesting article. With the catchy title, "HH: Homonymous Hemianopia: challenges and solutions".

Oh, that's what I now have. Can't see out of half of each eye.

There's a list of HH-related problems... inability to identify obstacles. Problems with driving, reading, navigation. Tell me about it :-)  All so familiar. A whole article about HH. Wow!

It actually makes me feel better to know that I am not alone. It also seems to make Deb feel better, to know that (for example) my problems with navigation are just a standard side-effect of losing vision to one side (small chuckle).

The solution section of the article can mostly be summarised as, Learn to look more carefully :-)

But there are "prisms" which can help. They shift what is seen from the blind side, to the bit of eye that still works. That is very interesting... if it's available in Australia.

An interesting ... eye-opener (he he he) of an article. Thanks, Deb :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

Question authority. Don't expect to like the answer." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

Reluctant to rogaine

We're going to miss the next rogaine. Various reasons including... I can't navigate. I struggle to walk up hills.

Not to worry! We'll be ready to rogaine for the next-but-one event. That's the 12 hour Spring rogaine, Deb's favourite event. There should be wildflowers :-)

We were out this morning, for a jog in Walyunga national park. What a lot of water in the river, after a few weeks' of heavy rain.

btw: This morning's run is how I know I have trouble with hills. Ah well... keep on training.

No trouble with the rough tracks, though, so that's good.

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

Question authority. Don't expect to like the answer." ... per Ginger Meggs

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)

Can I orienteer?

Sunday: we go orienteering. A "bush" event on a farm. I try a VE Very Easy course. It's a test: can I navigate? Short answer: No...

Actually... I find seven of the ten controls. So I can navigate... up to a point :-)

I start walking from seven to eight. In hindsight I believe that I walk 50m and should walk 100. Then turn back... become disoriented... find another control (not one on my course).

Now I'm disoriented. I manage to retrace my steps... back to my control seven. Now I go back and forward between two controls... From "7" I find the not-my control, then "7" again... repeat. Until I find "8" I can't work towards the finish.

I circle back and forward... till a fast runner appears. I ask for help... and he walks me back to the assembly area... Phew! Nice man :-) Then he goes off to finish his own H1 course.

Yes -- I do need an escort. I am thoroughly bamboozled.

I walk 4km in 1hour30. Officially it's a 2km course.

===

And this is no excuse, but...

It's cold (12 C). Raining. Driving here we crossed a 30cm deep fast-flowing creek. Going home the creek is is twice as deep. Several trees are blown across the road. Of the three VE entries: one did not start. None of us successfully finished.

A wild day! Strangely enough -- I have enjoyed the event :-)

===

Deb drives us home.

I am absolutely exhausted.

A good day... in hindsight :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper

...        Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved

===

One joy scatters a hundred griefs" ... Chinese proverb

===

Dying for you to read my blog, at https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com/ :-)