i'm awake just after 4am, restless. feels as though i've been lying awake for hours -- except that my sense of time-passing would say, an hour, tops. i think i've been sleeping then waking with the same thoughts as i went to sleep with. with the same thoughts in mind -- and no memorable dreams to break it up -- my awake time seems to be continuous.
when i am awake, though, i am fully awake. no half-awake relaxation. i blame the daily dex; amongst all its other properties, dex is an upper. as in, pick-me-upper.
that does lead to the strange tale of the thongs in the night... which is too long for its tenuous link to the blog theme. or is it...
i decide to get up and go downstairs, to take notes. start to put on my thongs -- except they are not there. not in the place where i always put them as i go to bed. it's dark, i can't see them. where else would i have left them? aha!
into the even darker clothes room. yes. slip on the thongs -- but they feel wrong. these are deb's thongs. i'm reduced to feeling round on the floor in the dark. thongs found, success. on my feet, thongs on. go downstairs.
a minor advantage from being slightly more than half awake :-)
most of my thoughts are bloggable. too many to get up and write a complete post. i get up and make notes -- so i can stop thinking without fear of forgetting. back to bed, back to sleep.
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i'm thinking that i don't want deb to worry about my recent fever & chills. sure it's awful, i'm happy to go to hospital (happier to leave). what really worries me is the much earlier brain-liner inflammation that brought me to e.d. twice. as soon as i am reassured that that is not happening... i would rather be home.
the cancer doc says, if it happens again: take panadols, contact the doc, stay home. which is fine by me. especially since deb keeps *soluble* panadols, especially for me.
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speaking of that brain inflammation excitement... that, as far as i can remember, is the only pain i have had. (except for a leaky cannula, soon fixed.) and that pain was not screaming in agony pain, it was, please deb make it stop, sort of pain.
perhaps this is just an example of pain being less in memory than at the time? it's certainly a good reason for me to never read earlier blog posts... i don't want to be reminded of how painful it may have been. (in fact i write this blog to clear my mind, to put it all -- good and bad -- behind me. re-reading would be counter-productive.)
while i think of it... it may be time to turn the accumulated posts into one printed document. that's for deb, for "after". deb has to put up with me, she doesn't want to put up with all the wordy detail of these posts, which she doesn't want to read now and they are not convenient to read once they accumulate. but a printed book, to browse, may be of interest.
and of course you can already buy volume one, on smashwords as an ebook, at a very reasonable price :-)
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dex is anti-nausea, that's why each day starts with dex. when i ask and am told, i remember that i did ask and was told, at least once before.
my appetite is good but water is starting to taste flat. judging by the previous cycle, i will soon stop enjoying the taste of tea, coffee and food. so, sugar in the tea and coffee. and just eat the food. i don't remember it tasting bad, just uninteresting.
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when alice travels through the looking glass, one of her adventures involves bread and jam. no jam today, she is told, it's jam tomorrow. only trouble is, when tomorrow arrives -- it is now today, with no jam.
for me, there's jam tomorrow -- and today. may not always be my favourite jam but it'll do. (of course a later -- or earlier -- post may offer a different opinion. these are always my thoughts here and now.) in the expectation of very many days of future jam -- i am now the proud owner of a new driver's licence... good for another five years :-)
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and now today, tuesday, mid afternoon: no great drama except... the iv pump keeps switching off. it survived for an hour, no worries. for the last 40 minutes it has been switching off every one to five minutes. just enough time for a nurse to leave the room. i've just had the cannula pulled out slighly and stuck down again. two minutes, still pumping :-)
oh, interesting factoid: the nurse -- yesterday -- inserts a "large" cannula. at last, we think, a benefit of my good veins, a bigger, faster flow. no such luck.
today we ask about large and small cannulas. it's just the length of the needle. a large cannula, being longer, has more chance of lying flat in the vein. pump flow is unaffected. makes sense, now that i know :-)
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kidneys vs dex: today the kidneys seem to be winning. off to pee every ten minutes or so. with the pump regularly switching off i wait (if possible!) till it fails. then have a relaxed pee. this time i can't wait. the pump gives several warning beeps -- but restarts. phew.
more standard hospital-type news: one toilet trip results in poo. not much, just enough to prove there is no blockage. it always takes me a few days to adjust to a change in diet... the change this time is eating very slowly and with less bulky carbohydrate. change of diet -- plus less food to pass through.
and those last two paragraphs are why deb doesn't want to read this blog. part of the reason, anyway :-)
the pump seems to have settled down. pulling the cannula back a bit seems to have sorted it out. time to hope that all is well and post this post.
===
and... free to go :-)
==== Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems? Solved.
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"I think and think, for months, for years. Ninety-nine times the conclusion is false. The hundredth time I am right." … Einstein
===
dying for you to read my blog: notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au :-)
====
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