So what's the worst symptom -- so far -- of my month of knowing that I'm living with a killer cancer? I'll build the suspense by saying, it started last night, it's getting worse, at last I'm suffering... and I'm fairly sure that it's trivial. And will pass.
It's another of those embarrassing, look away now, topics. So before I start -- I'll cover a few other points. Then put a warning before I mention... whatever it is :-)
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You know, it really is never too late to learn! Sure, I'm a fount of quotes and literary references and clever allusions to little-known facts. Believe it or not -- not everything that I say is accurate! For example:
Why am I so accepting of the (statistical) fact that my brain cancer will kill me? Kill me, that is, a lot sooner than I would expect to die with *no* cancer. It is because, I was thinking, to me the future is a foreign country...
Everyone enjoys travel to a foreign country. Even the worst of foreign countries is an adventure. Well worth the visit, if only in hindsight after a safe return to home.
In my current situation I have not chosen this particular "foreign country". And okay, there will be no "safe return to home". Yet it's still an adventure. And -- with no choice anyway -- well worth the visit :-)
I am prepared to visit this "foreign country" of my own future. I will avoid the obvious avoidable hazards. Take the appropriate precautions. Accept but minimise the risks. Accept that my ticket is one-way. And enjoy the experience... until I don't.
And before I write a post based on that "foreign country" quote, I search for the correct phrasing. And find: "The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there."
The *past* is foreign!? Not the future?! Well I'll be...
[Urrggghhh... another attack of that side-effect which is... definitely... the. absolutely. worst. side-effect. So far. Still not ready for the big reveal...]
Well, learn something every day... That's my something for today. I'll use it as a lead-in to the next topic...
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The *past* is a foreign country... I am now in "the present". What I write next may contradict the actual past. Doesn't matter! The past is the past, and foreign. If the past is not as I remember it... well, that doesn't affect the present. Because the past is... past. And foreign :-)
I'm thinking... writing... about a side-effect which is the worst so far. But is it really, the worst so far? I could read back through this blog. Look for suffering, agony, despair... As far as I remember, there has been none.
And that's the thing: "As far as I remember."
I blog to get it out of my mind. So that I don't dwell on... whatever is worrying me. Put it in writing and I can put it behind me.
The "truth" of the past is either in my memory -- or not important. (This applies only to topics like this blog, which is rather negative. Other topics, I do take notes and check them later, to maintain some accuracy of my memories of the past.)
So this current side-effect is the worst so far... as far as I remember :-)
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Have I mentioned that -- finally -- I have had some pain? On a scale of 1 to 10, possibly a 2. Just enough pain in the groin to remind me: avoid strenuous exercise, there is a scar which needs time to heal. Think, "Hernia? No thanks."
Now it gets a little more serious. No warnings yet, this is embarrassing but still -- I hope -- delicately phrased.
Last night the rate of flow of my urine reduced. From a regular flow to a trickle. Still flowing. But slowly.
I'm just home from surgery. Surgery by a urologist. Surgery in an area where the urine flows. Has something blocked up? Will it get worse? Will my urine flow stop completely?! Am I heading for the serious agony of a burst bladder?!?
Probably not. I put urine flow on a watch-list: if it slows any more, do something... For now, I drink more water.
Every hour I wake up to go to the toilet. No surprise there since I drink a glass of water each time, before I head back to bed :-) The urine continues to flow. Slowly, yes. But I do not have a complete blockage. Good enough.
And then... there is constipation. Not a great problem, you say? True. But for various reasons... I will describe the constipation in a separate post.... With warnings.
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Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
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Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
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"A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is to not form an emotional bond." … Jimmy Carr
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Now much more than a clever name for a holiday journal:
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