Note to self: If I don't post immediately -- all is forgotten :-(
Or, perhaps -- all is forgotten :-)
Of what I still remember:
Tuesday is our day for toddler minding... That is, it's a regular looking after the grandson day. I've missed a couple. And on Sunday, grandson looked rather worried as I was having my hair shaved off... Oh no! have we grown estranged?!
Not to worry :-)
There's a bit of caution. On both sides... Grandson watches me cautiously and gets Nana to read books to him. I sit back and relax... as I usually do.
But soon... the new (lack of) hair style is accepted :-) Phew !
The rest of the day is typically exhausting -- there are only two of us and there is one of him! My entertainment value is somewhat passive, though my gps watch -- with a button which makes it go "buzz like a bee" provides endless entertainment. I entertain while Deb drives, I push the swing, we each cover one side of the high ramp with sudden drops... A typical day of toddler watching...
Very enjoyable :-) Especially being fully accepted after having a radical haircut. Possibly worked well, that he was there to watch the close shave...? Another hurdle... hurdled.
Wednesday morning: flat out. Mostly housekeeping stuff. With a meeting for "carer support" research.
Deb -- as my carer -- will be surveyed to see if extra support helps carers cope with care-ees with my sort of cancer. Which raises -- for me -- a question:
My brain cancer is incurable and terminal. As far as I can tell, treatment will maintain my quality of life -- until a tumour hits the "wrong" part of my brain. After which I will die. Within days or weeks? I'm not sure.
That all seems very simple. I am expecting little pain -- until I am actually dying, perhaps? I am expecting to maintain a reasonable quality of life -- until I die. Except for the "death" bit -- it is all quite simple.
As I understand it: Lung cancer sufferers suffocate. Esophageal cancer chokes and starves. Liver cancer is painful and poisonous. Etc... To me, my GBM is a relatively easy form of cancer. Just one major prognosis: death.
Okay, that's a bit extreme for Deb, my carer. Still, I hope that she can cope better if my own suffering is... relatively... mild. Rather than screaming in pain and just *wishing* for death...
Ah well, what would I know. And perhaps I will understand better when I am really -- and obviously -- dying. Perhaps :-)
Wednesday afternoon: An unexpected & enjoyable meeting at the shops. A return to find that the cat has peed outside her kitty-litter tray... again. Some progress converting the journal from our last holiday to a permanent -- hardcopy -- photo+words album. More "housekeeping" stuff. Fun, but not central topics for this blog...
Then Dr Kong phones.
My testicular cancer is not related to my brain cancer. It is seminoma, which I understand to be better than nonseminoma. There are already metastasised seminomas in my back, round the aorta. The first six week treatment will probably just treat the brain but the next... may... also treat the seminomas. To be advised...
I'll need to update my "current status" when I know more. Which may not be till next week, when the first chemoradiation treatment is about to begin.
(See the new word, chemoradiation? I read it or heard it somewhere, it may be a real word :-)
On a less positive note... I'm trying to be open, honest, complete in my postings. That's for myself. I don't want to offend other people. This, however, is something which will keep me awake at nights -- unless I clear it from my mind. Which I do (I hope) by documenting in this post.
First: Several people are praying for me. I have no definite opinion on the existence or non-existence of gods. I am completely at odds with some religious practices, others are extremely worthwhile. The beliefs behind the practices are -- in my opinion -- perfectly okay. It's only when belief becomes practice that it becomes either good or bad.
So I'm both glad and grateful that some people are willing to pray for me. Whether it helps or not -- I appreciate the effort and feel better for the thoughts behind the prayers.
In the next paragraph I will become more offensive. If you -- my reader -- recognise yourself as any of... "naturopath", "new-age anti-science supporter", "religious proselytiser" ... feel free to skip the rest of this post. Or just take it up with me later :-)
I'm getting advice from a naturopath. This is naturopathic advice based on naturopathic teachings, openly expressed. This is fine. Much appreciated, in fact.
I support quite a few of the underlying concepts of naturopathy... Good diet including less processed foods, for example. And a healthy outdoor lifestyle. I also attribute my bouncing back from an epileptic-style seizure, brain surgery, testicular surgery... to years of a good diet, less processed foods, a healthy lifestyle with regular outdoor activity.
Having set a so far successful standard -- I am not going to change. Certainly not to an *extreme* form of "the same". And certainly not on the advice of someone whose motto used to be, Everything in moderation!
As far as I know there is no *proof* that naturopathy prevent or cures cancer. There is anecdotal evidence that a healthy -- possibly naturopathic -- lifestyle helps people feel better. Well, yes: healthy lifestyle equals healthy body -- within limits -- and that makes people feel better. And I already feel quite well, thank you:-)
Then there is the advice to read about some new-age anti-science supporters. That is, people who have a... theory... to be polite. Who then reject all other proof and evidence and science to claim that their own idea is the only correct idea. Search for their names and the leading hits will be their own websites. Usually selling something, often a mysterious and unstated something. Add the word "scam" to the search and a whole lot of alternative interpretations will appear.
Okay, I also appreciate the thought behind the suggestion. I enjoy reading around the... theory. For a while. But not when I point out fallacies... nonsense... points that this "theory" has in common with "scam" -- and I am quickly pointed to another website. Equally dodgy.
All great sites for building self-confidence. Until you hit the point where payment is required. At which point I am not interested. No, I am not going to pay money to get a recipe which will cure cancer... Not even a recipe for grinding up greenwaste which I would be expected to shove up my bum. No, sorry, that is surface-ridiculous and at any depth, unsupported by evidence.
One or two are fun. More are ... making me wonder.
The general theme of these websites is, Believe me without proof -- then do exactly as I say. Which smacks of religious fervour. Which is unfortunate. Because the same person who suggests these sites is also a strong supporter of a particular religion.
Going back quite a few years....
This same person said to me, You are an academic, could you look at these academic papers and tell me what you think? This is what I thought:
... The author is not an academic. He is a narrow-minded religious maniac.
... He has read one book. He quotes only from that one book. He claims that every word of that one book is the one and only truth.
... He is pushing a miserable religion where every human being is less than a dog turd on the sandal of the author of the one source book. And that author is still a long way below being any good at all.
... The only hope of "salvation" is if every member of this religion follows, word for word, the thinking of this particular dog turd of an "academic".
... He offers question & answer sessions. Here are the questions which you will ask. Here are the rote answers which you will be given.
... If you go amongst the poor and suffering, he advises, they will be desperate for anything. Even the unknown dog turd religion will be -- they will think -- better that what they are now suffering. So go.
What do you think? I am asked. This is family. So all I say is, uh huh. Interesting. What I *think* is:
... A member of my family has just tried to introduce religion to her non-religious brother. As a toe in the door to future attempts to proselytise me to her religion.
... This is offensive.
This is family. So I ignore the attempt and ignore the topic of conversation.
So where are we going now, with suggestions that I read up on self-improvement by people who deny all scientific proof... Who push one idea with no reliable evidence... Who use all the methods of the worst of religious faiths in order to prey on a gullible public?
Is this another attempt to raise religious discussion with the non-religious? I'm sure there is plenty of family love and concern. Is there also a hidden agenda, an aim to bring religion to the conversation? There have been hints, no more than a word here and there.
I hope that I am just a cynical bastard.
But if family love and concern is being used as an excuse for religious conversion -- or even conversation -- then bugger off. It is highly offensive.
Just thought you should know. Just in case.
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Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
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Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
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"A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is to not form an emotional bond." … Jimmy Carr
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Now much more than a clever name for a holiday journal:
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