My bad temper

In the medi hire shop we look at "outdoor" zimmer frames. A bit more bulky, solid, stable than the indoor frames. Indoor frames are not to be used outdoors. Hard to move, at risk of tipping.

I resist the outdoor frames. I can feel my temper building. Deb can too. But why?

What I see is the full little old man needs a near wheelchair for shopping. Sitting on the frame while carer does all the fetching, pushing, caring. My end of any independence. Which, of course I have already lost. But an outdoor frame, with seat, ho matter how detachable, feels like -- "the end".

I feel a difference between seeing the inevitable but untimed end... and taking a step which will be good -- but just a tiny bit earlier than... forced.

Stupid? No. Mostly I accept. This time I resist, almost fight.

My attitude is clear. Best i can say is, I don't shout.

Deb accepts, we go home. No new frame. I'll be stuck indoors.

Optimistic: that still includes indoors at shops.

I always like to think first. Know exactly what I'm about to do, before I even start. Though fast enough once started.  I'm very slow to start and can still get it wrong.

Deb sees the need -- and gets it done. Sometimes not the best result... but done. We've always been like that.

Yes I've limited myself. It still feels preferable to the absolute admission of being already stopped.

I can always pretend that... I don't really want to go walking outdoors.

half blind. half deaf. dying of cancer.
so what?
notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com :-)

Dr Nick Lethbridge
Consulting Dexitroboper