This is my current situation. If anything significant changes, I will
post a new status, in a similar format. Then I will replace the
"fixed"
Current Status page, to provide a quick look at how I am, "today".
Situation...
I have brain cancer, GBM. This will kill me, sooner than if I did not have a cancer.... I also have testicular cancer. This is -- relatively -- harmless :-) The cancerous testicle will be removed by surgery on 27 Sep.
I will *not* die immediately. I may live for months or for years. Just... a lot less than if I did not have cancer. For convenience I plan for a Life Expectancy of "3+1+n".
That is:
... from Today I expect to live for another
Three Years, One Calendar Month and an Unknown Number of Days.This expectation is already -- statistically speaking -- optimistic.
Physical StatusA tumour has been removed from my brain. There will be six week sessions of chemotherapy + radiation treatment. First session will start in early October. Sessions will continue ad infinitum -- until pointless.
I am very well. Two days ago I jogged 5km at a pace that would have been
acceptable
"before". And I could have comfortably jogged further. Physically, I believe that I am fully recovered from brain surgery and suffering no effects from the cancer. I tire quickly for two reasons: too much sitting & lying round has let my muscles run down; I sleep less at night so feel tired by the afternoon.There is absolutely no physical pain.
My only physical
"
suffering"
is... I am suffering from The Common Cold. Even then... my wife caught my cold -- and has it much worse.
Mental StatusI believe that I am as mentally alert as ever. (Feel free to read this blog and form your own opinion :-)
Right now I am still enjoying the intellectual aspects of the adventure: a chance to go where every person will eventually go -- but with plenty of time to examine the scenery.
I sleep perhaps 60% of what I feel I need. Most of this is restless energy: whenever I have a new thought I want to write it down, analyse it, understand it -- before it is lost. Then I can forget it -- and relax again. Also... I believe that one of my drugs is a minor upper...
Positive. Sure, I will be dying earlier than I expected. Other than that, my death is ticking all my personal boxes of, This is the way that I want to die. With a niggling little thought of, So far...
Cheerful. I believe that I'm accepting. If I'm in denial... it is well hidden from me.
I have had the occasional wtf moments of disbelief. (Me? It can't be Me that is dying!) The worst has lasted less than 30 seconds.
I am still glad that it is me dying of cancer. And not Deb or the kids.
The impending surgery does have me... concerned? ... something a lot less that worried? Not for the surgery but as a bloke about to lose a testicle. It's a bloke thing.
My 3+1+n plan keeps me -- and Deb -- positive. My statistical life expectancy would have me planning for Death. My definite 3+1+n horizon has me planning for Life. It has improved my outlook :-) Really!
I do have some current worries. Most serious first:
...
...
...
...
That's my status right now. If it changes, I will post an updated status
Unless, of course, my Current Status has changed to Dead :-)
Right now I am still enjoying the intellectual aspects of the adventure: a chance to go where every person will eventually go -- but with plenty of time to examine the scenery.
I sleep perhaps 60% of what I feel I need. Most of this is restless energy: whenever I have a new thought I want to write it down, analyse it, understand it -- before it is lost. Then I can forget it -- and relax again. Also... I believe that one of my drugs is a minor upper...
Emotional StatusPositive. Sure, I will be dying earlier than I expected. Other than that, my death is ticking all my personal boxes of, This is the way that I want to die. With a niggling little thought of, So far...
Cheerful. I believe that I'm accepting. If I'm in denial... it is well hidden from me.
I have had the occasional wtf moments of disbelief. (Me? It can't be Me that is dying!) The worst has lasted less than 30 seconds.
I am still glad that it is me dying of cancer. And not Deb or the kids.
The impending surgery does have me... concerned? ... something a lot less that worried? Not for the surgery but as a bloke about to lose a testicle. It's a bloke thing.
My 3+1+n plan keeps me -- and Deb -- positive. My statistical life expectancy would have me planning for Death. My definite 3+1+n horizon has me planning for Life. It has improved my outlook :-) Really!
I do have some current worries. Most serious first:
...
Is Deb okay? Will Deb be okay? I do what I can now. I know Deb will cope. The family will be there for as much support as is needed....
Will I have pain? I have no pain threshold. If it hurts, expect me to scream and cry. But palliative care should take away any pain....
Will I drop dead suddenly? Apparently not. Most likely death scenarios involve, You're gonna die! followed by
several
days or weeks of dying. Good, that's my preference....
Will I spend my final weeks as a physical or mental vegetable, a nuisance to others? Worse yet, will I become angry, uncontrollable, a danger to others? No idea. I hope not.That's my status right now. If it changes, I will post an updated status
to the blog and update the "fixed" Current Status page.Unless, of course, my Current Status has changed to Dead :-)
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Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
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Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
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"Wer den Daumen auf dem Beutel hat, der hat die Macht." … Otto von Bismarck eh what?!
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Now much more than a clever name for a holiday journal:
Very positive mate.
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