now it's not so scary :-)

This is the dot-point summary of last night's post which was titled, "this could be scary". This is the Reader's Digest version :-) Plus the much more positive aftermath of a gloomy evening.

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Monday morning

... A very good day. Relaxing, enjoying, taking life as it -- for now -- comes.

Monday afternoon & evening

... A phone call from "my" urologist. There may be complications, extra problems.

... Deb makes arrangements for an extra scan. We enjoy the evening, nothing unusual.

... Except that I am not as keen as I expect to be, as we discuss Tuesday's regular grandson-minding. I'm always nervous, it's always fun but exhausting! Why do I seem almost *reluctant* to be there?!

Monday night

... Deb goes to bed. I read, write, play World of Warcraft. Standard stuff, it's my form of relaxation. Yet I do not feel truly relaxed.

... Click! The answer jumps into my mind! I am *scared*. Scared of the implications of the phone call from the urologist. Here's what has been happening... in my mind:

--- The subconscious mind has taken responsibility. It is analysing, understanding, integrating. (As much as possible, from a base of technical ignorance :-)

--- The conscious mind has refused to even consider the new information. Yet it is -- I am -- aware... of a "formless" fear... Which affects the conscious mind. But it refuses to acknowledge the source.

--- Subconscious finishes processing. Immediately passes results -- almost fully integrated and accepted -- to conscious mind.

--- Conscious accepts conclusions. Integrates into pre-existing coping plan. And is able to acknowledge all of those formless -- denied -- fears. Acknowledge as part of acceptance and integration.

--- Document via blog, to allow the mind to stop processing, remembering, repeating.

--- Sleep, to fully repair "the attitude". And to get some rest before an active Tuesday...

through till Tuesday morning

... I sleep soundly. Wake every hour or so for the usual (partly nervous) toilet visit. Make no attempt to think, nor to remember dreams. (Though I do remember thinking once, That was a good one, I bet I can't remember it so I won't even try.)

... Wake up Tuesday morning -- ready, willing and keen for a morning of toddler watch :-) Feeling that, Yes, I am back to my preferred attitude: looking forward to an enjoyable day.

... Though I am also fully prepared to bail at half time. I accept that a full day of grandson could be just a bit much, for a man in my delicate condition :-) (For a man in *any* condition... a half day of toddler-watch is exhausting!)

Tuesday morning

... Toddler watch. Another of those, Wipe that happy grin off your face, days. Excellent. As it should be :-)

... Lunchtime, I'm dumped at home. To rest and recover. Deb & sleeping toddler head off for more enjoyment. They are tough.

Now back to my normal programming...

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Now much more than a clever name for a holiday journal:

 https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/  :-)

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Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
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​"Today you are You, that is truer than true.  There is no one alive who is Youer than You." … Dr Seuss