the dreaming mind

I'm awake at 4:30am on a Sunday morning. Feeling fine -- before you wonder :-) -- but restless. Largely due to a few hours of restless sleep. A restless sleep of a style which is (to me, at least?!) quite familiar: sleeping, dreaming, waking, repeating...

It's been -- as I see it -- an entertaining insight into the the standard workings of the (well, my) standard brain. I'll blog it while the memories are... sort of... fresh and clear.

This -- now Sunday -- morning Deb will be going orienteering. My own plan is to go to an orienteering event. Subtle difference :-) Either way, we are asleep by perhaps 11pm Saturday to be ready to wake up at 6am Sunday. My own plan is to let Deb get up at six, I will add an hour's extra snoozing.

All very standard. Deb always wakes (or prefers to wake) before me. We both appreciate the hour of different "activity" first thing in the morning.

Tonight, my sleep is very restless.

As usual -- as usual for me, I don't claim that I have ever been the "gold standard" of the human mind or body -- as usual, I fall asleep cold, covered in many blankets. Wake up an hour or so later -- hot, covered in sweat. (On better nights it's just, warm, ready to throw off blankets.) I get up, go to the toilet, get back to bed. Again, my standard: it's easier to go to the toilet than to lie awake, wondering if I should go to the toilet...

Unfortunately, tonight is one of those nights where I wake up really sweating. Almost dripping in sweat. The usual cause is that I am so exhausted -- and cold -- that I need extra blankets to feel warm enough to go to sleep. Then too tired to wake up when I start to warm up. Sometimes the sweat is a "bonus" of some restless worrying. Not tonight, as far as I can tell. Just a normal -- tired -- restless and sweaty night.

I've done this for years. The only new factor is this blog. Relevant or not, I want to document "my life". For my own benefit: it's better than lying around keeping myself awake with restless analysis. Experience it, think about it, explain it to myself, document it so that I can "forget it" and get on to the next experience. I have other blogs which serve a similar purpose, for other aspects of my thinking life.

Back to tonight. Which is taking a really long time to get to the "interesting" part! Sorry :-(  That's just me. Verbose.

I'm blogging a near-standard experience. I'm doing it for my own benefit. I would do it if my current situation were absolutely bog standard -- if I had started a "life blog" a year or more ago -- if only I'd realised how much I enjoy dumping thoughts into the huge black hole of the internet! "My reader" (Hello :-) may get an insight into the workings of a normal human being. I don't expect that tonight's post will provide any insight into my current stage of life. So read on... if interested :-)

I have adapted to my occasional sweaty nights.

I sleep in a woolen thermal, I can go back to sleep knowing that the thermal may be wet but I will still be warm. Tonight my pajamas are also wet but the thermal still keeps me warm.

I always sleep with several layers of towel between me and my pillow. I shift my head to a dry patch of pillow-protection and am comfortable enough to go back to sleep. Tonight, though, most of the towel area is noticeably wet. Even the sheets and blankets exude an air of dampness...

All of which adds up to a continuation of my restless sleep.

I wake up, roughly every hour. And -- again, standard practice -- I wake up through dreams which I can vaguely remember. I've spent years attempting to keep those waking dreams. Sometimes they are interesting. Sometimes almost insightful. Tonight... I have spent so much time getting here that the gist of the dreams is almost lost! Focus! Quickly!

Oh bugger. Is it all gone ?!

... I wake up... from a dream... in which I am waking up. And then I really wake up... from a dream... in which I am dreaming that... I am waking up from a dream in which I am... waking up. Something like that... Drat. There was more... maybe. So much for my attempts to capture that interesting dream! It needs to be done quickly. Before the waking mind loses the dream content.

Lesson learnt: To capture a dream I need to start at the dream. Tonight I have spent far too long on background.

I *think* that what I enjoyed of those restless dreams was their recursive nature. The dream of waking from a dream of waking from a dream of... That, plus the fact that I repeated the not-waking-but-dreaming-of-waking process... several times. Four or five times, at least. (I have long ago learnt to distinguish a dream of waking to go to the toilet from the actual experience!)

Aaargh! I'm sure that I've missed some important -- important because interesting to me -- aspect of those dreams! Rats!

Important? Interesting? Dreams?! Definitely!

Sure, I've spent a few years attempting to be physically active. I accept that physical activity is essential. But to me, it's the mental process which is more fascinating.

How do we think? Why do we think... that particular way? Can we improve -- or even change -- the thinking process? I do a lot of... thinking about thinking.

The only thought processor which is easily available for my analysis is my own. So I spend a lot of time -- enjoyable time -- on analysis of my own thinking process. Trying to understand, accept, occasionally change it.

Yes, I also try to observe, analyse, understand other people's thinking. Yet there is always a barrier between "your" thinking and "my" understanding of your thinking. All I can do is observe your speech and actions. Then I attempt to work backwards -- in my own mind -- to what you are actually thinking. And why.

Oh, yes, it is still a lot of fun :-) But less likely to be accurate.

On a related matter: In recent years I have tried to change my own thinking. To be more accepting of what does not really need to be changed. A lot of my difficulty is to recognise that, no, it doesn't matter, it does not "need" to be changed. Which does not mean that I don't complain! But I have tried to shift my responses from attempting to change to attempting to accept, other people's thinking. It makes my own life easier :-)

But in my own mind, in my own thought processes... There, I can see clearly. I can even see -- with effort -- my own mind attempting to disguise its own reasons and logic and underlying assumptions. The challenge is to then analyse, interpret and understand what I am seeing. And perhaps to change it. All very enjoyable... For me :-)

First, though, is the challenge to *remember* what my almost dreaming mind has been thinking!

Ah well. Next time I'll do better.

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I can hear Deb stirring. Once Deb is awake I won't want to go back to sleep. Looks like I've missed my extra sleep-in. Ah well.

Time to "start" another day :-)

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Now much more than a clever name for a holiday journal:

 https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/  :-)

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Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
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​"I have an above average QI." … per Ginger Meggs