less thoughts, more sleep

The thoughts are churning, I worry that, by morning, something important will have been forgotten, this worry keeps me awake... I've been like this for years :-) For a few weeks there have been many new thoughts... leading to regularly restless nights. I go short on sleep as I get up to deal with -- or just post to the blog about -- whatever is

​in ​

my current thinking. To get it clear of my mind while I still remember it. So that I can -- till morning -- forget it. Stop thinking about it.

But not last night.

Saturday night. I go to bed early... ish. Sunday will be busy, I'd like to be rested and ready. It's three a.m before new thoughts begin to churn.

There are not many of these new thoughts... Perhaps I'm getting on top of various thoughts -- good and bad -- that I need to deal with? Perhaps I'm beginning to realise that not everything needs to be dealt with... immediately... by me? I have no idea. But I do sleep for several hours before a relatively few ideas begin to churn.

If I let them churn, I will stay awake. If I get up to "deal with them" then I will still be awake at dawn.

I get up and make some notes.

Then I'm back in bed -- half an hour later -- to sleep till the alarm goes off at six.

So what were those few thoughts? I'll have a look at my notes and ... do whatever needs to be done, to deal with them. Later. First, more info about that half hour awake.

For the last few weeks I have been -- physically -- quite well. (Or unconscious :-) Okay, tiring quite quickly.  Not... willing... to push myself too hard. But: no aches, no pain, no discomfort.

Tonight I am feeling rotten

I have a cold!

You'd think that medical science could put a little effort into something useful. Something like, finding

​a​

 cure for the common cold. But oh, no, scientists prefer to tackle the more interesting -- less common -- problems. Sigh... So I have

​the incurable

 common cold and am feeling crook.

I spend thirty minutes making notes on the PC. And drinking and coughing. And eating honey. I calm the churning mind. Soothe the savage throat. Then go back to bed... and sleep.

Whatever works, eh? And that all works. For me :-)

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Sunday morning. Orienteering. On the way, we pick up Deb's sister. Deb does a hard course. Sister & I stroll round an easy course. Easy? I still manage to bypass one control and get us lost for half an hour! I claim that I am enjoying the weather... the bush... the company... so much that I "lose contact with the map".

In terms of the current focus of this blog -- living with terminal brain cancer, for those who came in late -- our course is a success

​:​

Okay, I tire on a gentle uphill. About what I'd expect, after a few weeks doing little more that sit and lie down. Okay, I get lost. But I've done that before -- many times... If I'm enjoying myself I do tend to stop worrying about where exactly I am, and am going :-)

We cover 4km. I could have walked further. Better yet: I don't fall over in a fit :-) I feel fine at the end -- though I am glad of an after-lunch nap when we are home again.

Test: successful. I am ready to regain some fitness.

But gently. As ever! I may want to be fit, I have never wanted to get fit in a hurry.

One of last night's notes may say, Document plan for getting fit. (If not, I shall add such a note.)  So I will blog the plan... or, at least, the general approach. But later.

 I spend some time chatting to fellow orienteers. Nice people :-) Deb has also had a chance to chat... while waiting for me to finally finish. A very pleasant morning.

On the down side: Somewhere on the course -- I drop my classes case. Not the glasses, luckily :-) So it's no great loss... just annoying. But is it also worrying?

Normally I am very careful to avoid dropping, forgetting, losing things. OCD, almost. So careful that I get annoyed at the fact of the loss rather than at the loss of whatever is lost.

Today... is it a sign of loss of concentration? loss of mental competence?

No... I don't believe that, not even as a vague possibility. Dropping the glasses is like getting lost: I'm enjoying myself, I lose contact with... what I'm carrying.

Still. It give me more new ideas: My "rehabilitation plan" will include VSE (as read about in the Thomas Covenant books). Except my VSE will be Visual Surveillance of the Environment.

Better make a note about that...

​ "explain VSE" ...​

there, noted :-)

On the up side: the glasses case has already been found :-) It will be wending its way back to me over the next couple of days.  Thank you, helpful orienteers :-)

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Sunday evening. The family are here for dinner. I have warned son that I have a cold... they bring the toddler anyway :-) Deb cooks a delicious dinner. As usual.

Later. After an enjoyable day... a bit of physical activity and an afternoon nap... I feel ready for another step back towards a more normal routine. I wash & wipe after dinner.

Okay, Deb puts the bulk of the washing-up through the dishwasher. I wash the bigger stuff -- a very satisfying task which I always enjoy. But have avoided, for the last few weeks. Similarly, I wipe tables and benches. Especially where food was prepared -- and where the toddler sat :-)

It's a satisfying return to routine. I always find that these tasks are satisfying. Tonight there is the extra satisfaction gained from the feeling of... getting back to a normal routine.

I'm tired but not too tired. Still a bit restless.

​It's a

 mood, rather than

​a mind ​

full of restless thoughts. I read, play on the PC. Write this post. Chill out.

A very pleasant and successful day

And now it must be... time for bed.

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Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems? Solved.
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Now so much more than a simple holiday blog:  https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au :-)
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There were two classes of literary reviewers: "Those who had little to say and those who had nothing." … Max Beerbohm