there is no immediate threat

Last night, my sister-in-law phones. How am I doing? she wants to know. (Thanks for calling, always nice to speak with you, right now I'm feeling quite well :-) And I am, too. Feeling quite well.

Then I pass the phone to Deb, leave the sisters to gossip, wander off. And suddenly think: Really? It's true?! I'm really dying ! Oh bugger:-(

I have been hit by a touch of reality.

Take a breath. Tell myself, Yes, I already know that. I need to get back to my preferred attitude of, Well, that's life, carpe diem then get over it.

Yet I still feel a little flat. Somewhat down, in fact. Tired,perhaps? Time to go to bed, read a bit, get a good night's sleep, probably feel better in the morning...

There's a rather thick library book waiting to be read. It's due back tomorrow but the loan can be renewed. I'll make a start on it tonight -- reading is almost as good as writing, for a distraction.

Upstairs. Bed. Open book. There's a bookmark, ready to be used... Hang on, that bookmark is more than ready... It's already marking my place in the book!

It's been a distracting few weeks :-) But now I remember: there are only a few final chapters to be read. I will definitely be able to finish reading this rather thick book... It will be finished... tonight, easily.

All of a sudden my perspective ... shifts.

I am dying. Statistically, I am dying faster than you. But it is not -- probably not -- an *immediate* death. Yes, I may die tomorrow. Nothing new there, that has been true ever since I was born. All I have done is to enter a new -- narrower -- range of *statistical* probabilities of death.

Not a death sentence. There's been no shift from "if" to "when". It's just a tightening of the range of expected probabilities of, "when".

I have plenty of time to finish the last few chapters of this book. I will -- probably -- have time to find and read book two in the series. I may not have time to read book three -- not if the author's writing timeline crosses my own dying timeline. On the other hand... he may write quickly and I may die slowly.

This one well-placed bookmark has brought home a very important fact: I am *not* dying to a deadline. I am dying within a narrower-than-expected statistical range. That range stretches for several years -- with outlier odds beyond that. (Either side, of course.)

I am slapped in the face with a very important truth: There is -- still -- no absolute deadline for my death. It may be sooner -- or it may be later. I may live for months -- or for years.

Add that truth to the knowledge that medical science is amazing. That I will be given treatment that is *known* to work. That however long it takes I will be supported by loving and caring family and friends -- and even by "strangers".

I can be scared. I can be worried. I will resist, until resistance is useless. And I will remember (do you see the coming segue?):

Don't Panic

I finish reading that book. In a far more positive frame of mind.

There is plenty of time to do whatever needs to be done.

Or, if there isn't... too bad. *I* won't be here to care :-)

====

Now much more than a clever name for a holiday journal:

 https://notdotdeaddotyet.blogspot.com.au/  :-)

=======
Dr Nick Lethbridge / Consulting Dexitroboper
Agamedes Consulting / Problems ? Solved
=======

​"Humanity had been thrown to the brink of extinction by insane men in positions of power following one another, each thinking the others knew where they were going." … Donald Keene, in Shift